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02/12/2003 Archived Entry: "Lunch Troubles"

I forgot my lunch at home in an exciting new way! I left it on the counter! Now, rather than using it tomorrow, I will have to throw it away when I get home. The turkey was questionable to begin with I'm not going to risk eating it after it sits on a counter for nearly nine hours. It's in the temperature danger zone, people! That's a risk I can't afford to take!

I wonder if my subconscious has anything to do with forgetting my lunch more lately. My subconscious (as well as my conscious) is well aware that forgetting my lunch means KFC. Their Honey Barbecue Wings to be precise. And a carefully ordered Twister Combo meal and 8 piece Honey Barbecue Wings will be lunch for two days! That's $3.51 1/2 cents a day! Not too shabby.

How does KFC decide what is going to do on a company-wide level? They stopped giving out wet naps sometime around the time that they started offering Honey Barbecue Wings: the world's messiest lunch. Plain old napkins just don't do the trick. This requires me to get up and go to the restroom to wash my hands after eating each individual wing! Unacceptable.

Also how did they decide how many potato wedges constitute a small order? The small sleeve for the potato wedges is appropriately small while the amount of actual potato wedges could fill a shopping bag. This means that the potato wedge sleeve simply acts as a sort of centralized flag to indicate the general whereabouts of the potato wedges in the bag. Other than as a potato wedge locator the sleeve serves no purpose. They should just fill the bag half way with potato wedges and then lie your sandwich on top and save us the aggravation of having to discard the thing when we first dump the bag out onto our tables.

Tomorrow I eat cold KFC for lunch then I am off to New York City to see Jen. We have a romantic Valentine's Day planned which may involve all or none of the following:


  1. A joint effort culinary extravaganza
  2. Big fat candles
  3. Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation
  4. Candles
  5. Napping
  6. Renting Ford Fairlane
  7. A carriage ride with white horses!!
  8. Flowers that are in the shapes of a hugging couple
  9. A brand new Lexus

My Dad's birthday is today which means that he is really old. Abraham Lincoln's Birthday is today too. He is even older. I am cooking him dinner to celebrate! My dad, that is, not Abraham Lincoln.

Replies: 34 People Love Me!


I have never had KFC or Taco Bell. I sometimes have McDonalds, which was the place we ate today on our field trip! It was Romeo and Juliet, but the play was screwed around with and they did karate instead of sword fighting. Then McDonalds had to feed 100 kids (the other 60 were at Wendys) and it was McAwful. However, the fact that my friend and I held up the bus from leaving kicked McAss.

Posted by Nicole @ 02/12/2003 02:34 PM EST

Just some comments on the Valentine's day plans:

1) Good
2) Good
3) Very Good
4) Good
5) Good
6) What?
7) Not on your life
8) (See comments 6 and 7)
9) Excellent

And perhaps for dinner we should scrap any sort of dinner making plans and just go to KFC. It would be economical AND delicious!

Posted by Jen @ 02/12/2003 03:25 PM EST

Honey, that is a spectacular idea!! And to think I was going to go through all the trouble of cookin! What was I thinking?

I love the fact that the only thing you would be more impressed with on Valentine's Day than watching Star Trek: The Next Generation is getting a Lexus.

Posted by Chefelf @ 02/13/2003 12:41 PM EST

I can tie the non-Valentine's Day elements of this thread together: today, while picking up a meal at "Hardy's" as I waited for my business cards to be printed, a pair of elderly couples suggested that I needed a tall hat.

I was confused for a moment, then remembered that my beard is a chin-spanning and sideburns-fused affair, making it very Abe-y. They asked if I'd heard comments about the resemblance before, and I said 'yes,' though there was only one such occasion (when I was giving blood).

Posted by Lefty @ 02/13/2003 04:32 PM EST

Lefty, I would like another picture. Maybe you could do cabbage bowling dressed as Abraham Lincoln... OR you could do a special feature on your site called "Ask Abey, Baby" or something where you, posing as Abraham Lincoln, offer advice to troubled people. Perhaps this would be a conflict with Brad-Brad but nothing a little Greco-Roman wrestling couldn't solve.

Posted by Chefelf @ 02/15/2003 03:15 PM EST

I've sent you a picture and some related commentary, but today my obscure@icefishin.com email account won't let me log in...so lemmie know your thoughts, either through this medium or at one of my other accounts: jared@clubsandwichgames.com

Posted by Lefty @ 02/17/2003 11:44 AM EST

Amendum to last comment: ignore last comment. icefishin appears to be working again. La la.

Posted by Lefty @ 02/17/2003 03:01 PM EST

Please don't bogart the picture of Lefty.

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Ha ha ha. I won't. I still haven't gotten around to checking my lanceandeskimo.com email since I returned from NY. I had a TON of email. It's difficult to get back from a week's vacation and then read 40 emails from people talking about my Star Wars articles.

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