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09/15/2002 Archived Entry: "License to Ill"

So I've been sick. There's something wrong with my stomach and the doctor doesn't exactly know what it is. It could just be stress from me never paying my bills and having no income and being unable to get a job but that's just a hypothetical guess at best!

My doctor gave me some medicine (that does nothing) and told me to avoid the following foods:

  • Fried or Fatty Foods
  • Heavy Seasonings and Spicy Foods
  • Onions
  • Orange and Tomato Juices
  • Alcoholic Beverages
  • Coffee and Tea
  • Chocolate
  • Peppermint or spearmint

The list seems small if you're just glancing at it but if you read it you will find that that those few things are actually giant sweeping categories of food rather than single food items. This has made for a very bland week. I find some of the conditions of this new diet to be unacceptable. Coffee and tea? It's got to be one or the other. Giving up both would destroy me. Peppermint and spearmint is also an unacceptable term to this new way of living. How the hell am I supposed to freshen my breath if not with some form of mint?

The worst part of this entire thing is that it only seems to flare up when I do anything fun, like visit my girlfriend. There are several thousand hours a month where it doesn't bother me at all and I'm just sitting here at home playing Mario Sunshine.

Yes, I have a girlfriend. She's delightful.

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