Chefelf.com Night Life: Voodoo Dog - Viewing Profile

I just realised the other day the "d" in the word "dog" in my name is uncapitalised. This is driving me out of my fucking mind. Could you please change it Chefelf?

And umm...I'm sorry about those PM's last year. I was off my head on LSD. I can't remember what I said, but if it was offensive I'm sorry.

Did you ever wonder why there are so many fucking pricks in the world? Because it's so damn fun that's why! Here's a couple of ideas:

1. Burn a twenty quid note under a homeless man's nose.
2. Whenever you see a suffer of piles scream "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!"
3. Ask people what gender they are.
4. Get blitzed on an illegal substance and post fake perversions all over an internet forum(click signature for details).
5. Pour itching powder on a quadruple amputee.

There! That should ensure I go to hell when I die.

Inspired by JM's insults thread that has regretably died a hideous death! List all the saucy, dirty or just plain offensive jokes you can think of. I'll start the meat saw grinding with my list. All jokes listed here that reflect badly on certain genders, nationalities or sexual preferences are in the spirit of IRONY Heccubus. Right? Right. If you DO post racist jokes people, do what I'm about to do and insult your own fucked up country or ethnic group. You can only insult other nationalities if the joke is extremely funny and if you are not Thrawn.

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
Did you hear about the two gay ghosts? They put the willies up each other.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasorearse.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss.
What should you shout at someone suffering from haemorroids? FIRE IN THE HOLE!
What's worse than a haemophiliac in a razorblade factory? A hedgehog in a condom factory.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking during sex? Slow down.
How do you get a gay man to paint your room for free? Lock him in and wait for him to fart.

Own nationality bashing ahoy!

How do you confuse an Irishman? Line up 10 spades and tell him to take his pick.
How do you tell if it's summer in Ireland? The rain is nice and warm.
There are two seasons in Ireland: Winter and July.
What Irishman can you find outside your house in sunny weather? Paddy O' Furniture.
Did you hear about the new Irish invention?
A lot of different answers to this:

Waterproof teabag
Inflatable dartboard
Solar powered torch
Ejector seat for a helicopter

Members of the IRA have been arrested while attempting to perform a terrorist act similar to the World Trade Centre atrocities. They tried to fly a blimp into the houses of parliment.

Two Irish pilots are flying an Aer Lingus jet from London to Dublin. All goes well until they start their decent. "Begorah!" says pilot Paddy. "What's da problem?" asks co-pilot Seamus. "Would ya luke at dat landing strip? It's only about 30 feet long, so it is." "Bejayus, you're roight! What de fuck are we going ta du?" "O'll have ta use me superior flyin skills ta get outta dis one" says Paddy. Somehow, they manage to get down in one piece. "Fair play to ya Paddy!" says Seamus. "Would yer luke at the statea dis runway? Have ya ever seen a runway that's 30 feet long and two miles wide?"

Here' s hoping this'll catch on.

RIDDLE THREAD HO!

Here's a nice easy one:

What gets wetter the more it dries?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address. No letter bombs this time please.

Let's hope this thread lasts longer than poor ol' Amber-Nicoles. What ever happened to that foxy little minx anyway?

Have you ever watched a movie, liked it quite a bit, looked up reviews on MRQE, and found out that everybody else on the PLANET hates it? This happened to me with the Flintstones. Yes that's right, I like the Flintstones and I'm not ashamed to admit it! Well not much anyway. I can't see why everyone hates the Flintstones. To me it seemed full of Simpsonesque humour. Yeah, if the Simpsons ever did a parody of the Flintstones(10 years ago, they're crap now) I think it would be like this. Please tell me I'm not the only freak here. Please.

Oh yeah, there's always Jariten. Thank God for that.