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Although I would hope that if I used that term in the presence of a lady who was familiar with it's origins that she wouldn't automatically assume that I was a misogynist reptile.
That's just what I'm saying, though--people who are upset at the action, phrase, etc. itself have that right, but they shouldn't be upset at YOU, who presumably didn't know any better.
There are a million little things we do every day that could offend some people while most think it's perfectly normal. That doesn't mean that the person who is offended is necessarily an over-sensitive villain; they may just have more information or be in a position to find it more uncomfortable.
Veering from sexism, let's say you ask your co-worker about his wife without knowing he's gay, or even ask a girl out without knowing she's gay. Now, that's not necessarily offensive (although some might call it heterosexist), and it would be run-of-the-mill for many people; but it does create an uncomfortable situation for these particular people. It's not your fault and it's not theirs, but still, the discomfort exists.
Doing something like holding the door for a girl might be the same way. You know you're just being nice, but she may wonder if there is deep-seated sexism at the root of it, and that will make her uncomfortable. Of course you're not outright thinking "This woman is weak and cannot hold the door for herself," but you may subconsciously feel something similar, and she just doesn't know if that's true.
Some people react to this discomfort by getting angry. And some people don't give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the worst, although in many cases they are wrong. And that's not fair to the good-intentioned person, sure. But it's also not fair to assume that they're just determined to find something wrong and are offended over nothing. They may be overreacting to the situation, but they're making something out of
something, and even if you are the guy who's just being nice, you'd be surprised how many guys there are out there for whom there's more to it than that.
Remember, all of the experiences in this person's life are probably pointing them in that direction. Discrimination is present in all sorts of little ways in our society and I don't blame people for trying to reduce it, trying to educate those around them, or even for assuming the worst if they've been right nine cases out of ten.
Yes, it is wrong to just blow up without knowing the whole story. Yes, people should find out what you meant by what you said or did before assuming you're being something-ist. And people should handle it calmly. They may not be 100% correct, but I entreat you to understand where they're coming from. Give THEM the benefit of the doubt.
Ideally, we could address these issues without anybody getting mad. I imagine the exchange could go something like this:
GIRL: Whoa, whoa, pardner. What are you doing there?
GUY: Uhhh... holding the door?
GIRL: What for?
GUY: Well, you're carrying that anvil, and I was just trying to be nice.
GIRL: It's not because I'm a woman?
GUY: What? No. You're a woman?
GIRL: HA HA HA
GUY: HA HA HA
-fin-
Yeah, so, sorry JYAMG, you may go back to your regularly scheduled pointless random thoughts.