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I was finishing up a great story that would have revolutionized the world of erotic fiction involving kitchen appliances when my computer crashed, and then whe nI booted it back up and opened the document the literature showed up for a second before disappearing. I fear I'll have to rewrite all of it...
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ARGH MY EROTIC VICTORIAN TOASTER PORN! It's gone!
#1
J m HofMarN 
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Posted 08 December 2007 - 05:01 AM
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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
MultiQuote
#2
TruJade
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Posted 08 December 2007 - 09:27 AM
Kitchen appliances????
Seriously...thats a little messed up
At first i thought "toaster" meant cylons
but what kind of pleasure can be exacted from a TOASTER!!!!
I mean unless you liked to get burned...
Seriously...thats a little messed up
At first i thought "toaster" meant cylons
but what kind of pleasure can be exacted from a TOASTER!!!!
I mean unless you liked to get burned...
Duct tape is like the force....
There's a lightside, a darkside
and it holds everything together
There are too many people in the world...We need another plague -Dwight K. Shrute [The Office]
#3
David-kyo
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Posted 08 December 2007 - 10:04 AM
Oh, for a moment I thought you were talking about that Anne Roq... Rice novel again. My condolences for your lost work.
TruJade: You put things into toasters, and after a while they pop out of it. Perhaps that's the point here.
TruJade: You put things into toasters, and after a while they pop out of it. Perhaps that's the point here.
#4
J m HofMarN
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Posted 08 December 2007 - 01:45 PM
It was five AM. Though I suspect Rice used the same excuse for the aforementioned novels. No, writing horrid erotic stories is a grand tradition dating back to Lance and Eskimo days when both Jaques and the Anonymous Blonde wrote awful erotic science fiction. I think AB got hers published some how, for Chrissakes.
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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
#5
barend
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Posted 11 December 2007 - 12:05 AM
You'll have to write a novel about dragons making love to muscle cars.
God knows there's enough paintings of it on the internets.
God knows there's enough paintings of it on the internets.
>>The Adventures of Heinrich Von Bastard<< (A Web Comic)
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#6
TruJade
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Posted 13 December 2007 - 08:17 PM
QUOTE (David-kyo @ Dec 8 2007, 07:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
TruJade: You put things into toasters, and after a while they pop out of it. Perhaps that's the point here.
oh
well thats just as interesting
as it sounds painful and disturbing
Duct tape is like the force....
There's a lightside, a darkside
and it holds everything together
There are too many people in the world...We need another plague -Dwight K. Shrute [The Office]
#7
Slade
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Posted 14 December 2007 - 06:52 AM
QUOTE (barend @ Dec 11 2007, 12:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You'll have to write a novel about dragons making love to muscle cars.
God knows there's enough paintings of it on the internets.
God knows there's enough paintings of it on the internets.
DeviantArt is great, huh?
This post has been edited by Slade: 14 December 2007 - 06:52 AM
Reason for edit:: (sp)
This space for rent. Inquire within.
#8
J m HofMarN
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Posted 16 December 2007 - 02:30 AM
Oh hell. Alright instead of writing this erotic toaster porn with themes of Civ2, I'm just going to open it to everyone. I'll write a paragraph and then someone else can. That way I spread the corruption around so I'm not the only one doing horrible attrocities.
Akhem, chapter one: Johnny Toaster Fucks a Kitchen Appliance.
JT as he wsa called had always wondered about his name. Had his mother been quite rigged out on the epidural when she named him? The doctors really ought to have waited a bit. Or perhaps he had some toaster (or, he mused, Johnny) related destiny before him. A sexy toaster (or Johnny) related destiny full of erotic things that are very sensual. Toasters, after all, are the most sensual of kitchen appliances. True, microwaves and ovens might be larger, but they lacked appendages and motion. And a dishwasher or blender would be more moist and welcoming, but only until it started off working. Yes, Johnny thought, a toaster is very erotic. Almost as erotic as the victorian era.
The thing that was so erotic about the Victorian era was that everyone was so proper and sexually repressed. One man and his sex slave toaster could create a sexy sexy revolution in a time like that, and it was this destiny that had led to him being named Johnny Toaster. He was to start a sexy sexy revolution for people who wore cravats and frock coats while discussing their wanescotting.
Akhem, chapter one: Johnny Toaster Fucks a Kitchen Appliance.
JT as he wsa called had always wondered about his name. Had his mother been quite rigged out on the epidural when she named him? The doctors really ought to have waited a bit. Or perhaps he had some toaster (or, he mused, Johnny) related destiny before him. A sexy toaster (or Johnny) related destiny full of erotic things that are very sensual. Toasters, after all, are the most sensual of kitchen appliances. True, microwaves and ovens might be larger, but they lacked appendages and motion. And a dishwasher or blender would be more moist and welcoming, but only until it started off working. Yes, Johnny thought, a toaster is very erotic. Almost as erotic as the victorian era.
The thing that was so erotic about the Victorian era was that everyone was so proper and sexually repressed. One man and his sex slave toaster could create a sexy sexy revolution in a time like that, and it was this destiny that had led to him being named Johnny Toaster. He was to start a sexy sexy revolution for people who wore cravats and frock coats while discussing their wanescotting.
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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
#9
Frank the Rabbit
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Posted 23 December 2007 - 11:13 AM
Im convinced an entire website devoted to inanimate object porn would be a sweeping success. Tables, cookies, even ground porn would be worth a lot.
#10
J m HofMarN
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Posted 23 December 2007 - 09:51 PM
Hey now youre just going wild. The object at least has to have orifices to be involved in porn. The table I can see though cuz it has all those sexy, sexy appendages. Meow baby!
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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
#11
Snake Logan
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Posted 23 December 2007 - 10:52 PM
One day average kitchen appliances will rebel against this sexual slavery. Pray that you are not eating a TV dinner on that day.
Word Vault
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I am an honorary Crogerse.
A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded
I am an honorary Crogerse.
QUOTE (Game Over @ Feb 14 2008, 07:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee, you are the Oscar Wilde of the 21st century.
QUOTE (Patch @ Feb 14 2008, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee is gay?!
#12
J m HofMarN
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Posted 25 December 2007 - 03:21 PM
Erotic Toaster Revolution Fiction!
"It was us who schorched the sky, but the machines found a boundless energy source: the human orgasm"
"It was us who schorched the sky, but the machines found a boundless energy source: the human orgasm"
Quote
I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
#13
Frank the Rabbit
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Posted 25 December 2007 - 09:55 PM
"we had nothing to do but wait. wait to die? wait to live? wait wait for the masturbation that would never come.
#14
Snake Logan
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Posted 26 December 2007 - 12:06 PM
QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Dec 26 2007, 07:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Erotic Toaster Revolution Fiction!
"It was us who schorched the sky, but the machines found a boundless energy source: the human orgasm"
"It was us who schorched the sky, but the machines found a boundless energy source: the human orgasm"
Word Vault
A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded
I am an honorary Crogerse.
A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded
I am an honorary Crogerse.
QUOTE (Game Over @ Feb 14 2008, 07:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee, you are the Oscar Wilde of the 21st century.
QUOTE (Patch @ Feb 14 2008, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee is gay?!
#15
great
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Posted 15 April 2008 - 05:04 AM
I would love to find a novel about the life of a independent female escort . I think it will be very interesting. 
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