[OhNo_Stereo]

hi, new to chefelf, so I thought I'd test the waters with an answer to simon peggs observation about the "hold your fire, must have short circuited" sequence.

gunner: "look there goes another one"

officer: "....yawn"

gunner: "...sir?"

officer: "what? oh go ahead, fire away"


threepio: "that's funny the damage doesn't look as ba--" CRAKPOWWWWW!


with no hope of rescue Leia would have been terminated sometime after Tarkin got tired of asking about and blowing up planets to wipe out the rebels. the Death Star would have gone on to become the ultimate power in the universe. The rebels, without the plans of the deathstar wouldn't be able to find a weakness to exploit and would then have to gallabant around making more small strikes until they eventually lost all support from ex-senate members. and the emperor's plan to replace governance with fear would have gone on to be a smashing success.

Vader would never meet his son and would continue to do the emporer's bidding, without any moral conflict coming to the surface and probably would live a long time, to strangle many an impotent admiral, till he died quietly of extreme old age and over-mechanization

Luke would have eventually joined the Academy, and then through the same channels as biggs, the rebellion, only to be either killed/captured by imperial forces on some rebel strike, blown out of the sky, or return to the academy after the rebels lose support and become a fat old frieght captain with a colorful past.

uncle owen and aunt baru keep farming into old age, and with no progeny the farm withers away and is swallowed by the heartless desert.

Han would probably have kept dodging Jabba, until boba fett caught up with him and well it's the rancor pit for him. Chewie becoming a chained attraction in Jabba's main audience chamber.

Ben would have payed a visit to the lars homestead only to find luke gone to the academy. He'd go to Mos Eisley in search of passage to the academy, but with Han having already skipped town by this point, he'd get there with another pilot. Luke would be pretty happy "ben? am I glad to see you!". Ben would give him his father's light saber, which luke'd accept happily, but since he'd no longer be a feckless farmboy, and instead would've already been hopping stars, he'd decline ben's offer to learn about the force, and made cynical by peer pressure would have the same outlook that Han had on the subject.
Ben would snap his fingers in disgust and frustration, and get in touch with yoda; "where's that other last hope got to?" "the other skywalker? dead she is, yehehehehee hmmm"

Ben, stalking around the academy, would find a dark haired pessimist, and call out to him: "you there, Wedge is it? listen there's this energy force that surrounds us and binds us..."

Lando would continue to be prosperous and responsible.

and the empire, no longer burdened by the costs and materials of yet another deathstar would bulk up their fleets and really clamp down on the galaxy.

[Despondent]

"Another one"?

Who launched the first one? The same midichlorians which caused R5-D4 to blow his stack? Will we see the first one(s)depart in the six movie box set?

[Chefelf]

I would recommend watching Spaced. It addresses this quite well.

[OhNo_Stereo]

oh, I didn't see the episode where he goes into detail, just one where he makes the argument in a short sort of blurb, I think to a customer at the comic book store. his succinct observations are enviable almost to the point of being dispicable. but only from a jealous point of view.

This post has been edited by OhNo_Stereo: 14 August 2007 - 01:38 PM

[Bond]

That's actually pretty interesting, but I'm afraid there's only one explanation for this sort of event:


PLOT DEVICE

[barend]

At the risk of making Storm happy, this was one scene I admit I never quite agreed with.

I would have shot it down just for practice.


"There's no life signs on board. It must have malfunctioned"

"Can I shoot it down anyway?"

[Bond]

I would have shot it down just for practice.

"There's no life signs on board. It must have short-circuited."
"Can I shoot it down anyway?"

"No! Don't waste ammo, soldier!"
"Aw, Dad..."

This post has been edited by Bond: 14 August 2007 - 08:28 PM

[barend]

"But sir, we have unlimited reserves. And it might help calibrate the targeting computer."

[Bond]

"But sir, we have unlimited reserves, and it might help calibrate the targeting computer."

"To hell with computers! We don't use their kind in here..."

[barend]

"But sir, maybe someone just dumped the stolen plans into a breifcase and sent the pod down to friends on tatooine."

[Bond]

"But sir, maybe someone just dumped the stolen plans into a briefcase and sent the pod down to friends on Tatooine."

"What? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."
"But, it might be--"
"And don't give me that 'crazy enough to work' shit, it doesn't work! I'm crazy, but crazy like a fox! I'm friggin' Foxy Grandpa, for crying out loud!"
"But, sir--"
"C'mon, don't give me that shit! Get back to work now or I'll fire your ass! Or, if I don't, Lord Vader wi--"
"What?"
"Oh, hi, Lord Vader! We were just--"
"No excuses, Captain."
"I..eh-eh... eiiihhh--"
*PLUNK*
"Lieutenant?"
"Yes, Lord Vader?"
"Clean up this mess."
"Y-yes, my Lord."
"Good. If all goes well, I'm giving you a commendation."
"M-my Lord..."
"Yes, I am forgiving. What is your name, Lieutenant?"
"Piett, sir."
"Welcome to the Imperial Navy, Captain Piett."
"Th-thank you, Lord Vader..."
--------------------

This post has been edited by Bond: 15 August 2007 - 01:45 AM

[OhNo_Stereo]

That's actually pretty interesting, but I'm afraid there's only one explanation for this sort of event:
PLOT DEVICE

well sure but when youve watched a new hope at least once a month since time immemorial your mind starts wandering.

...though now I hope other people do that. even here that suddenly seems a bit excessive...

"Good. If all goes well, I'm giving you a commendation."
"M-my Lord..."
"Yes, I am forgiving. What is your name, Lieutenant?"
"Piett, sir."
"Welcome to the Imperial Navy, Captain Piett."
"Th-thank you, Lord Vader..."

I'm suddenly picturing black adder, percy and baldrick in a blackadder star wars. re enacting the five minters scene from black adder goes forth. they transfer from the trenches onto a star destroyer only to discover that five minters refered to the average time an officer lasts before being strangled by Darth Vader.

[Bond]

well sure but when youve watched a new hope at least once a month since time immemorial your mind starts wandering.

...though now I hope other people do that. even here that suddenly seems a bit excessive...

Don't worry, you're not alone; this is Chefelf, after all!

I'm suddenly picturing black adder, percy and baldrick in a blackadder star wars. re enacting the five minters scene from black adder goes forth. they transfer from the trenches onto a star destroyer only to discover that five minters refered to the average time an officer lasts before being strangled by Darth Vader.

Do you think Ozzel would be Melchett?

[OhNo_Stereo]

Don't worry, you're not alone; this is Chefelf, after all!
Do you think Ozzel would be Melchett?

mmm I can't decide. I think the absurdity of a Darth Melchett would be too great to pass up. I was trying to think where flashheart would go as an officer, but that's retarded, obviously Flashheart is solo

she's makes point five past light speed so HANG ON, WOOF!

[Bond]

Then George would be Luke Skywalker?