[Blackwolf]

Greetings, Chefelfers!

Well, I have to warn you all now about January 16th and 17th. That's when Fox begins the new semester of American Idol; indeed, as I write,
idolonfox.com is about to be upgraded and refitted --- to allow the adventure to begin with a vengeance.

And speaking of vengeance, your fearless Dragonmaster is at this very moment preparing to defend the forces of coolness against the one being whose very presence would be enough to signal the fall of all coolness as we know it:
Ryan Seacrest!

Last summer, when Carrie Underwood became American Idol 2005, Master Richard sent Ryan a very sensible e-mail entitled "Can't Stop the Music 2006," in which my Mortal-born alter ego told the tale of how, as he watched everybody congratulating Carrie, the lad found himself flashing back to the final sequence of Allan Carr's 1980 disco epic, Can't Stop the Music, a fantasy-laden musical account of the origins of that most famous of singing disco groups,
the Village People.

Long point short, that twit Seacrest never responded to Master Richard's e-mail! Well, when I got wind of what happened, I swore that he, Seacrest would have to answer to someone who did not, and does not, wear his own coolness on his shoulders: me.

And so I have taken it upon myself to battle Ryan Seacrest for absolute dominion over the Forces of Coolness. While it is, I sense, destined to be a losing battle --- and even I must admit thusly --- I believe, personal opinion, of course, that as long as "Seacrest out" remains in the Planet's collective vernacular, coolness as we know it will be rendered absolutely susceptible. I eagerly await everyone's two cents on this particular issue.

Master Blackwolf

This post has been edited by Blackwolf: 09 December 2005 - 10:57 AM

[Otal Nimrodi]

Hooray for Blackwolf!

I have consulted the great fount of knowledge for fighting, The Surrealist, and it has been revealed for the first battle

Ryan Seacrest
the
Grass-Eating Samurai Monkey

Battle Rating : 4.7 vs

Blackwolf
the
Chocolate-Eating Howler Monkey

Battle Rating : 4.8 

Yes, truly, this will shape up well for you, master Blackwolf

And you continue your winning with


Ryan Seacrest is a Giant Bee that rides around in a Metal Tripod, breathes Poisonous Gas, cowers from Radiation, and is Covered in Spines.

Blackwolf is a Collosal Lizard that has Huge, Sharp Claws and Bulletproof Skin, and is Cold-Blooded.

When attacking:-

Strength: 3
Agility: 8
Intelligence: 6


When defending against Ryan Seacrest:-
Strength: 12
Agility: 2
Intelligence: 4
(Vulnerable to Cold.)


Ryan Seacrest attacked with strength. Yes, this could be a cleansweep.

Allow us to see...

Ryan Seacrest is a Large Robot that plays Ice-Cream-Van Music, Hovers Eerily Above the Ground, has Travelled Back from the Future, has Infravision, and runs on a Car Battery.


Blackwolf is a Robot that is Painted in Camouflage Colours, is covered with Camouflage Netting, has a Thin Fibreglass Hull, requires a Lightning Strike to get it started, can Sidestep Attacks, and is Completely Motionless.

When attacking:-

Force: 12
Handling: 4
Weaponry: 1
When defending against Ryan Seacrest:-

Force: 8
Handling: 9
Weaponry: 3
(Vulnerable to Crushing.)

Amazing! Ryan, remembering his loss using force (well, strength) last time prepared weaponry. Weaponry he lacked. Yes, this is truly a great day for coolness.

Otal out.

This post has been edited by Otal Nimrodi: 09 December 2005 - 11:12 AM

[looktothesky]

Awww, you should've ended your post as 'Blackwolf, out." That way, you could get Mr. Seacrest angry for stealing his ... thing.. that he says...

[Blackwolf]

Awww, you should've ended your post as 'Blackwolf, out." That way, you could get Mr. Seacrest angry for stealing his ... thing.. that he says...

Oh, I did once utter 'Blackwolf out' a few months ago. Frankly, I didn't like the sound of myself saying it.

Master Blackwolf

[floppydisk]

I hope you kick his ass.

[Mirithorn]

I concur.

[SithAvenger]

Guess that Seacrest is going to get his ass kicked.

[Blackwolf]

Guess that Seacrest is going to get his ass kicked.

Thanks, dear Chefelfers, for your support. Indeed, I shall attempt to kick Ryan's butt. I wish him no ill will, mind you, I only want the silly to stop inflicting his concepts of cool all over the planet and making the rest of us look and feel like we want what he's got, that's all. Just wanted to make that clear, if I had not done so yesterday.

Meanwhile, please be aware that tomorrow afternoon, at around 3:30 pm, there will be about 350 to 400 tuba, sousaphone and euphonium tooters assembled under Rockefeller Center's big tree. It is, of course, the 32nd Annual TubaChristmas, presented by the Harvey Phillips Foundation, Inc. Needless to say, I shall be in on it --- covertly, of course. Similar events will take place tomorrow in, among other cities, Los Angeles, Denver, Vancouver, BC, Canada and --- get this! --- Basel, Switzerland! (Cool, huh?)

Oh yeah: I'm planning to interview Santa Claus for the ol' Diary of Magecraft. More on that to come. Gotta run, America's Most Wanted is on tonight; and your Dragonmaster wants to see who John Walsh is gonna bust; as well as to listen to America's Action Announcer, Don LaFontaine!

Later, dudes --- and beware, Seacrest: Blackwolf is on the case!

Dragonmaster out! (Oh dear, that is a bit strange, innit it?)

[Blackwolf]

Thanks, dear Chefelfers, for your support. Indeed, I shall attempt to kick Ryan's butt. I wish him no ill will, mind you, I only want the silly to stop inflicting his concepts of cool all over the planet and making the rest of us look and feel like we want what he's got, that's all. Just wanted to make that clear, if I had not done so yesterday.

Meanwhile, please be aware that tomorrow afternoon, at around 3:30 pm, there will be about 350 to 400 tuba, sousaphone and euphonium tooters assembled under Rockefeller Center's big tree. It is, of course, the 32nd Annual TubaChristmas, presented by the Harvey Phillips Foundation, Inc. Needless to say, I shall be in on it --- covertly, of course. Similar events will take place tomorrow in, among other cities, Los Angeles, Denver, Vancouver, BC, Canada and --- get this! --- Basel, Switzerland! (Cool, huh?)

Oh yeah: I'm planning to interview Santa Claus for the ol' Diary of Magecraft. More on that to come. Gotta run, America's Most Wanted is on tonight; and your Dragonmaster wants to see who John Walsh is gonna bust; as well as to listen to America's Action Announcer, Don LaFontaine!

Later, dudes --- and beware, Seacrest: Blackwolf is on the case!

Dragonmaster out! (Oh dear, that is a bit strange, innit it?)

Sorry about quoting meself, fellow Chefelfers: my battle vs. Ryan Seacrest for the right to maintain the balance of coolness amongst the Mortals proceeds. Just not in public --- for a while, mind you. The last thing I need right now is Ryan's lawyers on me case. That you at Chefelf.com know of my battle is enough, and we shall leave it thus.

Meanwhile, other than that TubaChristmas thing I spoke of a while ago, nothing else important to share this day. I may, however, head out for Bleecker Street; I hear there's a Santa Claus hanging out thither, and I intend to welcome him.

Master Blackwolf

[barend]

just for the record...

i DO wish ill will upon all responsible parties for IDOL existing...

apocalyptically ill will.

[SimeSublime]

I stand with Barend, and wish you well in your quest against this Seacrest person, whomever he may be.

[Otal Nimrodi]

He is the antichrist! And the guy responsible for American Idol.

Same thing really.

[barend]

may this seacreast fellow be involved in a horrific car accident with guy sebastian...

may it be messier and more hoorfying than the accident that killed jane mansfield. infact, may it bring her back just to spite them.