Posted 03 March 2006 - 02:20 AM
Ignoring the possibility of there being any repeats (aside from the one that I really don't feel like going into again: Sonic Youth):
Aqualung
Two words: adult alternative. This in and of itself is almost enough to make me want to die when I hear Aqualung. Truly boring music. Next.
Ben Folds
One of the most disappointing solo ventures of all time. For example, Songs For Silverman bares more than a passing resemblance musically, and thematically to the Ben Folds Five's final album The Unauthorized Biography Of Reinhold Messner. Plus it's really just more of the same piano-based alternative rock that he's been cranking out since day one. Nothing new or exciting.
The Unicorns
While I happen to enjoy the Unicorns, the fawning over the new wave of lo-fi indie rock bands is getting disgusting. Really, the Unicorns are no better or worse than the lot of them, and the scene seems pretty stuck on doing what the Folk Implosion and Sebadoh did a decade ago.
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
I have yet to really pay them any mind. I guess they're alright, but I don't see what the big fuss is. Maybe I just don't "get it", or better yet, maybe I just don't care.
HIM
This is actually the first band to see more than one request before I got to them. Funny, since they also happen to be one of the most stunningly over-rated rock bands in existence. Surely, people are smart enough to see through the cliche melodrama, chugging guitars and mind-numbingly simplistic drums, right? Apparently not...this pile of pseudo-goth rock star wannabes have amassed a following that, frankly, disgusts me. Sadly, I used to count myself among these legions. Thankfully, however, I was struck with a moment of clarity. "Hey," I thought. "This band is actually pretty terrible." I think "generic" is giving them too much credit. On a side note, I sold every last HIM CD that I owned earlier this week. Got a cool $10 for all five.
Rush
No. No, no, no, no, a thousand times no. I hate Geddy Lee's voice, and I pretty much just generally hate prog rock. It has nothing to offer society. I would not be displeased to wake up tomorrow and learn that the entire band had been mauled by some sort of wild animal. Like a bear or something. In fact, I would actively seek out said bear, and attempt to befriend it.
Coldplay
If Radiohead suddenly said "You know, experimentalism is fun, but we should make music that our moms would listen to" they would basically be Coldplay.
Weezer
(Note: this only applies to post-Pinkerton Weezer)
What the hell is wrong with Rivers Cuomo. The man was in one of the most interesting and groundbreaking pop bands of the 90s, and then he goes out and decides that he wants to be a rock star? What the fuck is up with those Weezer shirts that look like Slayer shirts? Who in their right mind thought that was honestly a good idea? What is wrong with you people? The worst part about all of this is that despite their blindingly obvious lack of any notable talent, people still eat this shit up. The next ten year old kid that I hear singing "Beverly Hills" is going to get punched in the back of the head.
New Order
Phase One: Form depressing, pretentious post-punk band before there eve is a "post"-punk movement.
Phase Two: Sit idly by while vocalist spirals into depression, culminating in his suicide. Make no effort to help him whatsoever.
Phase Three: Using your existing reputation and your former vocalist's tragic life to get some attention, form pretentious, depressing synth-based rock band.
Phase Four: Records don't sell very nicely, cut out the depressing bit, increase pretension, convince people that you're relevant by releasing upbeat pop tunes.
Phase Five: Ten years pass with your band seeing some success, then, suddenly, no one cares.
Phase Six: COMEBACK!
Phase Seven: No one cares.
Billy Idol
Let's face it, I'm an Idol freak. I saw the man perform live last summer and it was the single greatest moment of my life. Well, not exactly the greatest, but it was pretty amazing regardless. Despite all of this however, I can only ask: Why don't you just stop? Please? For me? I don't want to remember Billy Idol going out on that pile of shit Devil's Playground nonsense. I already have to ignore Charmed Life and Cyberpunk if I expect to get any sleep at night. But really, a third pile of useless garbage? Please stop, Mr. Idol. Or better yet, reunite with Generation X and go back to being a pioneer, rather than a sellout.
Anything The Finn Brothers Have/Will Do
I really don't care. I heard maybe two Crowded House songs when I was a kid and even then they weren't remotely interesting to me. And I was listening to horrible music at the time.
Sepultura
Let's just pretend Max Cavalera never left, Soulfly never existed, and Sepultura were still at least somewhat relevant. Hell, even the metal kids don't care about Sepultura anymore. I think everyone has just finally realized that Cavalera carried that band. His only mis-step was the whole Fred Durst collaboration thing. That could have never happened, and no one would have minded.
Fall Out Boy
Eh...what can you say? Annoying emo/pop-punk songs. Way too catchy for their own good. Used to love them, got sick of them once the majors got ahold of them and they were being crammed down my throat fifty times per day. Haven't touched any of their albums in months. That about covers my thoughts on Fall Out Boy. Oh, and they're all ugly, and the bass player is a douche.
Manic Street Preachers
They have one good song. I won't say what that song is, but it is a very, very good song. Other than that, they're pretty much useless. More of the same "we like the Verve waaaaay too much" type stuff. Nothing of note.
The Toasters
As a ska band, I have little to no reason to really take much interest in them. I can count the ska bands I like on one hand, and none of those fingers represents the Toasters.
Journey
Fuck Journey. That is all.
Cake
Is this guy trying to rap, or is he trying to sing? In either case, he doesn't do it very well at all. Cake have only ever been good for one thing: novelty singles. That's all they manage to produce. People care about Cake when they have a catchy single out, and then once its life has run out, no one cares about them for a couple of albums. The plus side to this is that anyone who actually likes this band can easily find all of their albums for next to nothing in used CD stores once people finally get sick of them.
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Posted 27 December 2005 - 03:08 PM
