[Dragonspawn]

This is a sort of demo passage just to see if this is worth posting, i'll start with the actual story later if i get some good comments. Delrick is a fighter, zheperus is a mage.

"can we go back to the dungeon yet?" remarked zheperus impatiantly.
"yeah, check out what i bought" said Delrick proudly as he showed Zheperus a Golden Helmet. The adventurers then took Zheperuses Town Portal back to the dungeon and searched for the stairs to the next floor.
The adventurers soon found the stairs and decended only to be welcomed by countless creatures from hell. The battle was intense, Delrick's sword cleaved through one zombie after another and Zheperus shot fireball after fireball burning all in his way.
zheperus dodged an arrow as it wizzed by his head, and angrily shot a volley of more fireballs in the direction the arrow came from... Realizing the silence he stopped and as the smoke cleared he noticed all the monstrosities were felled.
"Delrick, all clear!... Delrick? where are you?" he yelled before tripping over something. As he got up he noticed he had tripped over a pile of ashes with a Golden hemet on top of it.
"oh crap, Delrick's gonna be pissed! thats the 5th time this week"

This post has been edited by Dragonspawn: 19 May 2005 - 12:22 PM

[Slade]

I don't mean to sound like too much of an ass, but it needs work... Don't fret, it takes years and years of reading and writing to not sound absolutely dreadful (and you're on the way there, this isn't too bad)! There's stuff I wrote last year which I'm embarrassed to even look at.

Edit: However, I was that mage, way back in the day. Those fireballs have such beautiful splash damage.

Edit 2: Blargh. Sorry. And this does have the potential to take the piss out of Diablo.

This post has been edited by Slade: 19 May 2005 - 09:55 PM

[Dragonspawn]

first of all i really appreciate that comment, sure your not exactly telling me its good, but thats the kind of "negative" review i like to hear... i will work on it alot, and yeah its actually based on multiplayer games between me and a friend (who calls himself...Zheperus!) anyway i'll work on my writing till i actually post this then

[SimeSublime]

Yeah, like Slade said, has excellent potential. Plus, Diablo 1 is such a deserving target Just needs a bit of editing.

[barend]

i wanted to eventually do a diablo 2 poke...

but i've forgotten most of the remarks i was going to make outside of
"why do all these monsters and deamons have so many bloody town portals to the place i'm staying.... i'll be damned if i'm going back there now!!!"