ASK BAREND... - Chefelf.com Night Life

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ASK BAREND... the Bad Advice collumn

#361 Emu

the internets

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Posted 20 December 2005 - 07:28 PM

Sure, you can try to cover your tracks, but the truth is out now and there's nothing you can do about it!!!

This post has been edited by Emu: 20 December 2005 - 07:30 PM

Head Gunner for the Royal Sloop Crimson Steel, Queen of the Dead, Instigator of Chaos and Confusion, Knight of the Grand Recursive Order of the Lambda Calculus, and also The Non.

Remember Emu's face, people; one day it's going to be on the news alongside a headline about blowing some landmark to smithereens, and then we can all sigh and say, "She was such a normal person".....
....We'd be lying though.
-Laughlyn

If my doctor tells me to exercise, I am going to force him to do my homework.
-Mirithorn

- Do Not Use the Elevators - deviantART - Infinite Monkeys -

#362 barend

Anchor Head Anchor Man

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Posted 20 December 2005 - 07:43 PM

works for me...

>>The Adventures of Heinrich Von Bastard<< (A Web Comic)

Also: The Chefelf.com Lord of the Rings | RoBUTZ (a primative webcomic) | KOTOR 1 NPC profiles |

Music: HYPOID (industrial rock) | Spectrox Toxemia (Death Metal) | Cannibalingus (80s style thrash metal) | Wasabi Nose Bleed (Exp.Techno) | DeadfeeD (Exp.Ambient) |||(more to come)

#363 Slade

Full of Bombs and/or Keys

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Posted 22 December 2005 - 03:36 AM

There's a perfectly rational explanation for these events, Emu. I just can't find it right now.

This space for rent. Inquire within.

#364 Otal Nimrodi

Miracle Ghost

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Posted 13 February 2006 - 09:03 PM

Dear Barend

Why is your column so much better than COBNAT's?

-A curious reader.

Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.

#365 barend

Anchor Head Anchor Man

Group: Crappy News Team
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Interests:The Beers of Western Europe, Cognac, and constantly claiming the world would have been a better place if Napoleon had won.
Country:Australia

Posted 13 February 2006 - 09:09 PM

dear a curious reader,

it could be my charisma, my wisdom, my charm, my devilshly hideous looks, but honestly...

i think it's because people actually ask questions.

without the question there's no advice.
that and i tell people what they want to hear...

yeah... i'm a sell out.

barend.

PS i also know everything, and wha tlittle i don't is only a phone call away...

to me....

This post has been edited by barend: 13 February 2006 - 09:10 PM

#366 Chyld

Ancient Monstrosity

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Posted 15 February 2006 - 01:49 PM

Dear Lord Barend, He Who's Quite Clever.

I'm very bored, and quite poor. Using only the natural resource of Hull (ie, lots of chavs and rather young single mothers), what can I do to relieve my ennui?

When you lose your calm, you feed your anger.

Less Is More v4
Now resigned to a readership of me, my cat and some fish

#367 barend

Anchor Head Anchor Man

Group: Crappy News Team
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Interests:The Beers of Western Europe, Cognac, and constantly claiming the world would have been a better place if Napoleon had won.
Country:Australia

Posted 15 February 2006 - 08:28 PM

dear oblivious to the obvious...

perhaps you can relieve you 'ennui' by whipping it out and using it on them single mothers...

then brag about it to the chavs...

then sit back releived and what for the paternity suites to work their way back to your alias and false adress, sireing an army of aimless and disorganised chyldren scurring the streets in a crime wave like an aphex twin clip, terrorising the homless and navogationally challanged...

think of it... and army to do your bidding, or play football or something...

go on.. think about it...

BWAHH HAHA HAHAH HAHAH HAHAHHA

OOOOHHHH HOWWW WHARRR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!!:devil:

or have a wank, i don't care...

-Mr.B

#368 Slade

Full of Bombs and/or Keys

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Posted 02 February 2007 - 11:59 AM

Wow, this topic is dusty, but given recent rumblings in another thread, I have taken the steps to ressurect it that others dared not take. Not because they didn't want it back, but because they were too lazy to find it. So ^BUMP^.

Edit: Oh great Barend, why did we let your thread go neglected, your wisdom unheard, though sorely needed?

This space for rent. Inquire within.

#369 Otal Nimrodi

Miracle Ghost

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Posted 02 February 2007 - 01:10 PM

Dear Barend:

I have to questions, so I'll ask them both.

One: Why are the people in Boston (Any Nightlifers excepted) so bloody paranoid?

Two: Do you recall what was revealed the day the music died?

This post has been edited by Otal Nimrodi: 02 February 2007 - 01:11 PM

Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.

#370 floppydisk

The Amazing Bag-Man!

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Posted 03 February 2007 - 12:00 AM

Dear Barend,

Why do people get to, too and two confused?

Signed,
A Concerned Citizen

QUOTE (Theodor Herzl)

If you will it, it is no dream.

#371 Chyld

Ancient Monstrosity

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Posted 03 February 2007 - 09:41 AM

Dear Lord Barend,

Is pizza left on the floor overnight a good hangover cure?

Yours, The Mildly Hungover

When you lose your calm, you feed your anger.

Less Is More v4
Now resigned to a readership of me, my cat and some fish

#372 barend

Anchor Head Anchor Man

Group: Crappy News Team
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Location:Nieuw Holland
Interests:The Beers of Western Europe, Cognac, and constantly claiming the world would have been a better place if Napoleon had won.
Country:Australia

Posted 04 February 2007 - 06:28 PM

QUOTE (Slade @ Feb 2 2007, 11:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh great Barend, why did we let your thread go neglected, your wisdom unheard, though sorely needed?

Often in life we allow much that is needed to fall through the cracks until it is of most dire need forcing us to quest for that which we have allowed to gain distance upon us. 'Tis tragic and all too common but through perseverence and Ctrl-F we can reclaim that which will save us.

QUOTE (Otal Nimrodi @ Feb 2 2007, 01:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

One: Ever since Frasier Crane moved back to Seatle, the regulars of the bar 'Cheers' have become restless in the absence of free psychological advice, especially since Cliff went postal. With unchecked agression and unresolved issues the weekly alcoholics are running rampant through out the city... the people are right to loook over their shoulders.

Two: I don't know... I was busy drinking whiskey and rye with the good old boys and i wasn't paying attention to anything because i honestly thought it was going to be the day a died.

(and we had tow a chevy that some jerkwad had crashed into the levy, but luckily it was dry)

QUOTE (floppydisk @ Feb 3 2007, 12:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dear Barend,

Why do people get to, too and two confused?

Signed,
A Concerned Citizen

Dear A Concerned Citizen,

Because it's too difficult for them to think with more than two brain cells!

Signed barend,
Who's won one of four forefathers.

QUOTE (Chyld @ Feb 3 2007, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dear Lord Barend,

Is pizza left on the floor overnight a good hangover cure?

Yours, The Mildly Hungover

Dear The Mildly Hungover,

Pizza left on the floor is a great hangover cure, (especially if there's a beer on the floor not to far away) provided that the part of the floor its on is within arms reach of the part of the floor you wake up on.

Mine, Barend.

This post has been edited by barend: 04 February 2007 - 06:32 PM

#373 Slade

Full of Bombs and/or Keys

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Posted 04 February 2007 - 10:39 PM

Dear Barend,

Do you find it ironic that you used the wrong "too" in the same column that you correctly answered someone's question regarding the proper usage of to, too, and two?

This space for rent. Inquire within.

#374 barend

Anchor Head Anchor Man

Group: Crappy News Team
Posts: 11,839
Joined: 12-November 03
Gender:Male
Location:Nieuw Holland
Interests:The Beers of Western Europe, Cognac, and constantly claiming the world would have been a better place if Napoleon had won.
Country:Australia