Story Set-up: Poll 3
#2
Posted 05 July 2004 - 11:34 AM
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#3
Posted 05 July 2004 - 01:45 PM
1. Sith (several masters) as the arch-enemies in the shadows, controlling everything, led by Palpatine of course.
2. Mandalorians as the deadliest mercenaries in the galaxy, hired by the Sith as elite soldiers and assassins.
3. Slavers and cloners creating near mindless troopers for the fledgling Empire. Clones are NOT based on the genetic code of one single individual.
4. Unique bounty hunter type characters, Hutts and other non Sith/Empire villains (No Fetts please)
#4
Posted 05 July 2004 - 09:11 PM
Boba fetts gear was from Mandelore but was was from elswhere...
and not that water planet...
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#5
Posted 06 July 2004 - 03:03 PM
#6
Posted 06 July 2004 - 05:57 PM
And, I do think having multiple Siths could've been handled. You just need a good writer to put it all together. If not Sith, certainly Dark Jedi. Palpatine could've drawn them together to do his bidding, offering them positions of power. They didn't have to all be destroyed by the time the OT rolls around. That could've been all EU territory from there on, or Vader could've killed them off as a favor to Palpatine so there wouldn't be any jockeying for power. In my book, that would make DV more sweet-ass than ever.
This post has been edited by Commoner: 06 July 2004 - 06:01 PM
#8
Posted 08 July 2004 - 09:45 PM
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#9
Posted 09 July 2004 - 05:52 PM
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#10
Posted 09 July 2004 - 11:10 PM
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#11
Posted 10 July 2004 - 12:32 AM
..or by replacing them with the Mandalorians who are a dying race (and also use the above improved battled droids), but come to Alderaan (not Naboo) to steal its cloning technology under the guise of demanding payment for their services in trading goods.
In my re-write Amidala is a Queen, but she is not elected. She is actually the clone of a beloved Queen who has been cloned before. The original queen was very wise and led her people to prosperity, and she also ordered the release of the Gungans who were once genetically engineered slaves. This is why the Gungans revere her and go to the "sacred place" where her very image is seen in the partially submerged statues in the swamp.
However, she is the ONLY true cloned being on the planet, and some of her genetic information is vital in the process of the cloning technology actually working, SO this why the Sith Lords are ordered to pursue her and bring her back.
In my re-write so far, there are two Sith Lords, Darth Cise and Darth Maul. Maul is more collected, cool, and focused while Cise is a bit more obsessive and eager for revenge. He just wants to kill Jedi.
Also, the Skywalkers were a family of Jedi (none of this Jedi can't have family BS. Lucas had families of Jedi in his early drafts, so I think that should stay) who had defeated the Sith, so the Sith have it in for them specifically.
When Obi-Wan gets to Tatooine he finds Anakin (going by the name of Anakin Lars) living with his Mother, father, and brother Owen. Anakin's Jedi abilities unnerve them, but they don't think he should rush off to be a Jedi. Shmi's grandfather told her stories of their family past, but Cliegg forbid Shmi to ever tell the boy about his legendary lineage. Anakin is 16 to 17.
He's a mechanic for Watto and he does race pods, but this is only a brief, introductory scene. He's also on occassion, sneaked aboard frieghter ships, passing himself off as crew, even piloting the frieghters to close by planets, only to be found out and returned to Tatooine.
Obi-Wan is older, more like 25-30. Qui-Gon is older yet, closer to Ben's age in ANH, 60-70. His days as a Jedi Knight are winding down. This is going to be his last mission. I would also make him an addict of Spice (as spice enhances one's connection to the Force, but it gradually dims a person's natural ability to connect, making them more and more dependent upon the Spice). Obi-Wan knows this and objects to Qui-Gon's use of it. Qui-Gon is a bit jaded if not right-down lax about his Jedi duties.
In the beginning, Bail Organa is captured by the Trade Federation/Mandalores as he tries to escape Alderaan to seek help from Coruscant. The Jedi Knights are dispatched to figure out why no communication is coming from Alderaan when it should only be a simple trade dispute. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan free Bail Organa, make a daring escape from the ship to the planet below. They encounter Jar Jar, but he's a more Chewbacca-like character, big, strong, capable, not annoying. He's just as good as the Jedi at taking out the battledroids.
Bail objects to the Gungan's aid as most Alderaan's see them as being vermins living in the swamps, a second-rate citizen, raiding the energy globes (which the Gungans actually mined for the Alderaans at one time). They're racists/specists. He especially objects to being left in their "protective custody" when Obi-Wan goes to Theed to seek transport; but this is Obi-Wan's trick to force the two species to work together, settle their differences.
Taking Jar Jar in exchange (remember, he's a valuable member of Gungan society), Jar Jar who drives the sub, takes them to Theed. They rescue the Queen, figure out that they are stealing clone technology, and they need to get the Queen safely to Coruscant (mainly because Bail requested that they do so).
They escape, but are damaged, land on Tatooine, sensing Anakin's presence. Qui-Gon is left behind to guard the ship and the Queen while Obi-Wan (only with Jar Jar and R2, no Padme) goes into town to find parts and a mechanic. While they search from dealer to dealer, the Sith are sent in to find the missing Queen. They use the Force to focus on the presence of the Jedi Knights.
Finally, Obi-Wan finds Watto who has a mechanic (Anakin) who could fix the ship, but he's "indisposed" at the moment. Cut to Anakin in the last lap of the pod race, beats (or inadvertently kills) Sebulba. (The whole pod race scene is really short, only showing Anakin being a thrill-seeker and a gambler). Anakin walks awaly with his winnings.
***Oh yeah, Shmi and Anakin are NOT slaves!! They work for Watto. Cliegg is a down-and-out freighter pilot who just wants to farm on his own, but doesn't have enough money to buy his own property****
Meanwhile, a sandstorm has picked up. Shmi notices Obi-Wan's lightsaber, the stories her grandfather told her come back to her, and she offers shelter to the heroes while they wait for Anakin to return from the races.
At the same time, the Maul and Cise land. In the midst of the storm, Cise and Maul attack the ship. Cise battles Qui-Gon, sending him over a cliff side in their saber-duel, while Maul grabs the Queen. Qui-Gon is just too old to handle the young Sith. The Queen is actually a handmaiden in disguise but the real Queen, Padme, runs out into the storm to find Obi-Wan.
Padme stumbles the through the storm, reminiscent of Luke when he was stumbling through the snowstorm on Hoth; falling over drifts and losing her way in the blowing clouds of sand. She is sure to die when Anakin, returning from the races, finds her and takes her back to the hovel where she reunites with Obi-Wan.
Anakin is slightly jealous, but he's more intrigued by Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan realizes that Shmi and Anakin are bloodlines of Skywalker. Soon, he's telling Anakin about the adventures of the early Skywalkers and how they defeated the Sith. He also tells Anakin that there is a prophecy, that if the Sith are to return, so will the Skywalkers to oppose them. Anakin is enthused and wants to join Obi-Wan, to become a Jedi. Cliegg doesn't like the idea, and neither does Owen. But, Shmi finally convinces Cliegg to let Anakin go. Anakin gives his winnings to Cliegg so he can buy the farm he wants.
Anakin fixes the ship and they go to Coruscant. The Jedi Council is led by Mace Windu, not Yoda. Yoda is a teacher, a philosopher who is separate from the counsel. He does not concern himself with such things, but the Counsel goes to him when something comes up in which they need advice. The possibility that Anakin is the prophecized Skywalker is such a situation, and Anakin is brought before Yoda. Yoda belittles Anakin, saying he's too old to train, etc. Anakin is refused training. Obi-Wan takes it upon himself to train him.
That's all I have so far. The rest needs some more work.
#14
Posted 12 July 2004 - 09:41 AM
I liked everything, up till this.
C'mon commoner....you know this won't fly!!!
While I appreciate the legalization of marijuana point of view, this won't work in Star Wars!!!
I would gather that recreational use of drugs is the kind of thing that leads you to the dark side.
I know Yoda would be against it.
Although, if you look at Obi-Wan in Episode IV, he does kind of look like the type of person that did some serious "inhalation"
#15
Posted 12 July 2004 - 09:45 AM
This is not bad commoner. The problem I have with it though is that it kind of incorporates a lot of the main problems a lot of us have with Ep. I.
I mean the only things that really have changed were Amidala's position and Anakin's age.
Will write more.