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My Archives: July 2002

Friday, July 26, 2002

I just saw the beginning of the movie Swordfish for the second time and I am reminded of why I thought it sucked the first time I watched it. The scene that really did it for me is the one where the guy is being forced to crack into a government computer in sixty seconds while a girl gives him a blowjob and some guy has a gun to his head. Then when he fails they don't kill him because it was all a test! This has honestly got to be the stupidest, most motivation-free scene that I've ever witnessed in my short time on Earth. Why? Why would they do that?

Then he goes into a bathroom with Halle Berry and they're arguing. Suddely they hear these two club patrons approaching and they begin making out violently so that they don't blow their cover. What cover? Why did they do this? Who were those guys? They're just some guys! What would they care about these two strangers talking in the bathroom? They weren't even talking about anything all that secret!

The whole movie just pretends to be this great wonderful story with a surprise twist at the end but in actuality it's just this juvenile, ill-conceived story that just goes nowhere.

In my humble opinion.

And that's what's going on in my life right now. That and I'm planning a trip to our nation's capital. I hear they have some nice monuments and stuff down there. Maybe I'll get a pin... or a hat!

Posted by chefelf @ 08:44 PM EST [Link]

Thursday, July 4, 2002

Well it seems like all the fervor and hype surrounding my 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I has finally died down. Today marks the first day that (at this early part of the morning) I have received exactly NO email on the subject since the beginning of May.

My blog is starting to look like a real blog now in that I'm waiting three week intervals between posting. It's no bear.librarian.Rock Star!.

I'm going to be updating my links page to add things in that will make me seem like I know more about computers than I actually do. This is in a growing effort to appear "techie". Hopefully one of the ladies from TechTV (or some other sad lady who is impressed by such a thing) will take notice and then want to marry me.

School is going pretty well. There are a few more characters in the class that I may want to mention:

Mr. Charisma
This guy never has the right answer. Every time the teacher calls on him he tries his best to guess. He has the unfortunate position of being the worst guesser in the history of the world. What he will do is look at the teacher's face and say: "Hmmmm, B!" Then he'll wait and see if the teacher displays any positive expression. When he starts to see the teacher show signs of disappointment he will say: "No, I'm sorry, I meant D!" Then he waits again. "No wait, A!" He usually gets the right answer by the third of fourth try but never sooner than that. On true or false questions he never gets the right answer on the first try either. He has the worst luck of anyone I've ever met, but he is so unbelievably charming that he gets by just fine in the class. Like a politician he weaves tales about why he accidentally thought something was the wrong answer. He has brilliant excuses as to why he wasn't prepared for class. It's utterly enjoyable to watch him at work.

The Mafioso Guy
This guy may be our favorite guy, not just in class but in the world. He talks kinda like Joe Peschi in Goodfellas but he's not kidding around. That's his real voice. Hearing him read a question is a true treat. "Number 60. When you do not want trustee assignments to be inherited b a lower container, NetWare lets you prevent rights from being inherited by providing each container object and directory with what is called a(n) blank. A. Inherited Rights Filter." It always happens that he gets the longest possibly question to read. We find it hard to believe that this would be just a coincidence. He's a pretty smart kid but you can't help but wonder if the professor is passing him in the class because "it would be a shame if something were to happen to his family".

The Annoying Guy Part II
I touched on the annoying guy before but since then he has become even more annoying. Aside from constantly offering irrelevant comments in class he does a bunch of other things that make everyone in the class hate him. We've all discussed it in his absence... we actually hate him. I've narrowed it down to three things that he does (without talking at all) that annoy the piss out of everyone around him:


Page Flipping

He just sits there and flips the pages of his book constantly. No fewer than 150 or 200 times a class. I've tried at home to duplicate the volume at which he manages to flip his pages but it's impossible. You would not believe how distracting and utterly annoying this is. I swear that he must have a mic on his book running to a hidden amplifier and speakers.

Yawning

You know how when you're in a classroom you tend to yawn sometimes? It happens. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's also nothing to proud of. When I yawn I try my best to not even display a facial expression to show that I'm yawning as I don't wish to offend the teacher. It's nothing personal, but sometimes you just have to yawn. This guy, we'll call him "William" (because that's his name), wears his yawns like a badge of courage. He stretches his arms out to the far corners of the room and lets out a loud burst of deep yawning noise, his tongue rolling out of his mouth like a cat. Then when you think the yawn is over he hits you with three even louder short yawn bursts. "Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!" This is like a little dessert after his yawn meal. In case anyone in the classroom, or indeed the entire building, didn't catch on that he was yawning.

Laughing

This guy likes to laugh. He loves it. We all do, I suppose. It must be great to be this guy though because he doesn't require any external stimuli to laugh. Before class when we're all just sitting there reading over the book he'll just be sitting there and chuckling to himself. It's the kind of laugh that just screams: "Hey everybody! Don't you want to know what I'm laughing about?" Of course since we're not in the third grade this has little effect on us. He has a second laugh that he breaks out for when the class is actually started. He'll wait until the teacher says something that is entirely unfunny and just burst out with a laugh. "Haw! Haw! Haw!" It sounds just like that. Some people just kinda give him a dirty look and then the class continues. Sitting in the computer lab he'll do this too, just looking at the same computer screen I'm looking at. He also does this usually when someone asks a question and the laugh implies that he thinks he's better than them. That is of course impossible because he is better than NO ONE! Sometimes I feel bad that the entire class hates him and then I remember who he is.

Posted by chefelf @ 10:21 AM EST [Link]

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