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07/26/2002 Archived Entry: "Swordfish"

I just saw the beginning of the movie Swordfish for the second time and I am reminded of why I thought it sucked the first time I watched it. The scene that really did it for me is the one where the guy is being forced to crack into a government computer in sixty seconds while a girl gives him a blowjob and some guy has a gun to his head. Then when he fails they don't kill him because it was all a test! This has honestly got to be the stupidest, most motivation-free scene that I've ever witnessed in my short time on Earth. Why? Why would they do that?

Then he goes into a bathroom with Halle Berry and they're arguing. Suddely they hear these two club patrons approaching and they begin making out violently so that they don't blow their cover. What cover? Why did they do this? Who were those guys? They're just some guys! What would they care about these two strangers talking in the bathroom? They weren't even talking about anything all that secret!

The whole movie just pretends to be this great wonderful story with a surprise twist at the end but in actuality it's just this juvenile, ill-conceived story that just goes nowhere.

In my humble opinion.

And that's what's going on in my life right now. That and I'm planning a trip to our nation's capital. I hear they have some nice monuments and stuff down there. Maybe I'll get a pin... or a hat!

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