Golden Raspberry Award Foundation As seen on!
Written by: Chefelf

Reasons 74-82

Reason #74
Anakin actually says this:

I donít like sand. Itís coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everythingís soft... and smooth...

I'm not just going to sit back and pretend that that line of dialogue is okay. It's just not. It made for possibly the most embarrassing scene in certainly the most embarrassing movie ever made.

Reason #75
Enter The Yoda
suggested by the talented Joachim Horsely of Little Horse
When Yoda first enters the battle against Dooku he strikes a ridiculous kung fu pose. I could have died happily having never seen Yoda do a kung fu pose. Throughout the non-lightsaber portion of his battle with Count Dooku he is constantly making stupid facial expressions and tai chi style body movements. The Force used to be just about standing still and moving objects around a room. Now with the prequels we see that it must have originated as some sort of dance discipline. I'm eagerly awaiting the Force tap dance sequence in Episode III.

Reason #76
Amidala's Titanium Backbone
mentioned by Joachim Horsely and Trent Rees
You know me, I just hate to nitpick, but how does Amidala survive the fall out of the speeder going 500 miles her hour? She just rolls down a sand dune and when a soldier goes up to her she just gets up and brushes herself off as if she just fell 3 feet into a pile of pillows. And while we're on the subject: shouldn't those speeders just have some doors so that sort of thing doesn't happen?

Reason #77
Wind? What Wind?
All the shots where Anakin and Obi-Wan are cruising around in the speeder high up in the city there is no wind. None! Their hair doesn't move at all. It is never more clear at any point in this movie that they're just standing in front of a green screen. I know their hair isn't that long but surely they could have blown a damned fan on the two actors! They're in an open top speeder going 100mph and their hair is just standing still. And even when they are at a dead stop there should be some wind going on at that altitude. Did you ever like go up on the roof of your house and realize that it was windier 20 feet above the ground? My brain tells me that if that is true then a mile above the ground it's even windier still!

Reason #78
submitted by Glen
The Absurdity of Shmi's Situation
Shmi Skywalker's situation is entirely unrealistic. Anakin is a huge hero. He singlehandedly destroyed the droid control ship, therefore winning the battle between Naboo and the Trade Federation. Amidala tells little Annie: "We owe you everything." You'd think that an entire planet (particularly an extremely wealthy one like Naboo) would be able to front the boy the tiny bit of money necessary to free his mother from slavery. But instead Anakin elects to spend the next decade in misery, wondering about his mother's fate and having recurring nightmares. At the very least he could have gotten the cash to take a taxi to visit his mother occasionally. And I suggest you think twice before flaming me to tell me about "all the duties of the Jedi... blah blah blah." I don't want to hear it.

Reason #79
Lousy Jedi
brought to my attention by Tony F.
During the Coliseum battle between the Jedi and the droids, this one rather ridiculous looking Jedi lands on the balcony with Dooku and Jango Fett. Jango just pulls out his gun and shoots the Jedi square in the chest and he then falls off the balcony to his death. I know Jango's supposed to be this really really great bounty hunter but these are Jedi! At the very least he could have engaged in a short and unsuccessful battle with Count Dooku. I refuse to believe that Jedi (who make a living off of deflecting rapid-fire laser blasts with their lightsabers) would be able to be dispatched this easily. And how humiliating to die in such a manner after a lifetime of training. This just confirms my suspicion that this was just some guy that grabbed a lightsaber because he thought it would be cool to get in on the action.

Reason #80
Count Dooku: The Inconsistent
mentioned by Thomas L. Bruns
Perhaps Count Waffler would be a better name. In Episode IV there is no confusion. Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin are bad. They are evil. Later we meet the Emperor and he is evil. Luke Skywalker is clearly a good guy. Count Dooku is just a big mess. One second he's good, the next he's bad. One moment the Jedi are saying he is good, the next he is trying to kill Yoda. In some cases you can't tell if a guy is good or evil in a movie it's really cool. This is definitely not one of those cases. And c'mon, he's a count! A count? That is just silly.

Reason #81
American Football
thanks to James Kaye
In the bar scene there are TVs in the background. One of them is playing something that looks like some robots playing American football. If they just had to have robots playing a sport (particularly robots that look exactly like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit) they could have at least made an effort to make it look somewhat alien. I have 10 to 1 odds on Episode III containing product placement. My prediction: A Samsung ad on Coruscant.

Reason #82
"Process of discovery? What's that?"
Ultimately there is no process of discovery in Attack of the Clones. After the attack on Amidala there is speculation that it was spice miners that had plotted to kill her (which is a lame callback to Episode IV). She immediately tosses this theory out, stating that it was probably Count Dooku who threatened her. This makes for a particularly weak mystery when the perpetrator is someone that hasn't even been introduced. Not only that but she's right! It was him. The mystery lasts 5 minutes. This is extremely boring for the audience and is symptomatic of much of the larger problems with this movie and the entire prequel series. The only hope for the series is that Episode III will have at least one tiny little thing that isn't totally lame and predictable. But I'm not putting any money on it.


78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I

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