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Chefelf's Personal Ad
As it appeared in the New York Times.


ChefelfAge: 25

Occupation: Professional Do-Nothing.

Last Great Book I Read: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Graphic Novel Vol. 4.

Most humbling moment: Having to perform a scene from Midsummer Night's Dream in front of a theatre class at Rhode Island College. I was Puck. I was terrible.

Favorite on-screen sex scene: That scene in 9 1/2 weeks where Kim Bassinger eats jalepenos, cheese, chocolate, NyQuil and manages not to throw up. Nothing is sexier than not throwing up.

Celebrity I most resemble: People say I look like Steve Burns from Blue's Clues. With a beard I looked less like him until the bastard grew a beard too.

If I could be anywhere at the moment: I'd be in NYC, using my girlfriend's computer and eating a bagel. It would be great!

Song or album that puts me in the mood: 24-7 Spyz - Gumbo Millenium. Particularly the track "Spyz on Piano".

The five items I can't live without: My Thai Stone Mortar & Pestle, my modded Xbox, my collection of Tony Ashton CDs, my personal confuser, the promise of a new day.

Fill in the Blanks: The Dixie Chicks are sexy; The Barbarian Brothers are sexier.

In my bedroom you'll find: A giant mess; a pile of clothing; 1500 blank CDs; spare circuit boards; my personal recipe book; Tad, the banana; dust; the Star Wars Trivial Pursuit game; 50 magazines; Velveeta Shells and Cheese; many Dragonball Z DVDs; many Hercules and Xena VHS tapes; a poster of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic; duck wallpaper; Dolby 5.1 surround sound; matching lamps.

Why you should get to know me: I am someone that you can do anything with! I'm happy just sitting around my apartment surfing the internet or just sitting around my apartment watching TV or just sitting around my apartment playing video games. I do it all!

More about what I am looking for: Because I am a handsome, normal, in-shape, well-dressed young guy I am deeply respectful of women but prefer exploration of a woman's "darker side". I want to engage in evil-doing, like robbing a bank or something.

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