Chefelf.com Night Life: Thurkon - Viewing Profile

I'm not a Special Edition hater, but there are some additions (Greedo, Jabba, Jedi Rocks) that I would rather not have. I feel the good outweighs the bad, but the additions I mentioned are slightly nauseating.

That said, one has to appreciate the effects clean-up.

ANH: Does anyone miss the matte lines around the ships, or the vaseline smear under the landspeeder? What about the old Yavin meteor blips launch? Compare the old Death Star attack to the new...the new is far superior shot-for-shot.

As a kid I used to look at the Star Wars Storybook, remarking how cool that Sandtrooper looked on top of the Dewback, only to be disappointied in seeing it in the old film as a motionless blob in the distance. I'm glad they actually move now.

ESB: As far as the wampa...the new version is better. As a kid I hated not ever seeing what the heck Luke was escaping from. Leave suspense-building to horror films. This is Star Wars. And I also appreciate the Emperor not being the strange monkey-faced boy. And Cloud City is actually now Cloud City, and not the set from Logan's Run.

That said...the prequels have created a horrible disconnect to the OT, special edition or no. The Luke thing just makes no sense. On the planet Tatooine where Anakin was born, Obi-Wan returns to give Luke away...in secret...to his stepbrother, who lives in the house next to Anakin's mother's grave...which they somehow know Vader will never visit...and seemingly Obi-Wan instructs the Lars family NOT to change Luke's name...I mean, why would they change the name of the secret adoptive child of the Dark Lord of the Sith or even treat him like a son, right?...but it's alright 'cause Obi will be nearby to keep a close watch...way the hell across the Jundland Wastes...in disguise because Vader is hunting down the Jedi...that's why Obi-Wan changed his name to Ben...but he's still gonna wear those Jedi robes and keep the Kenobi surname. Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh.

A few more of my gripes about Episode I:

1. The Pod Race. The only good things, in my opinion, about the prequels, are the action sequences. Lucas can still pull those off. That's what makes Episode III somewhat watchable...there are enough of those action sequences to entertain in between the suckiness. Even Epiosde II has its fair share...I could watch the Jango/Obi-Wan fight in Attack of the Clones over and over, if only because that's what I wanted Boba Fett to really do in Return of the Jedi. But, besides the final Darth Maul duel, Episode I lacks these moments. The Pod Race could have been such, but alas...too much kiddie comedy. The two-headed announcer was mentioned, but an even more egregious error was the cartoonish design of the pod racing aliens. Could these guys look more like the ridculous villains in a Super Mario game? Tatooine has transformed from the gritty, scary backworld of Episode IV into a delighfully quirky Pixar movie!

2. The Prophecy. Not only is the prophecy never fully explained, but it is uncertain why the Jedi strive to fufill it. Why is the Force currently unbalanced? What are the Jedi lacking, Force-wise? What is so unsatisfying about being the very numerous, powerful guardians of the galaxy?

3. Killing Darth Maul. Lucas actually manages to create an interesting villain, and then gives him few lines and kills him off. Great formula. Really paves the way for two more lackluster villains, Dooku and Greivous, to be thrown into the plot abruptly with minimal development.

4. The rule of two is just incredibly stupid, especially considering that...without exception...Sith apprentices always seem to betray and kill their masters. Why do they need to limit their numbers to two? Oh, yes...Darth Bane felt the Sith were too destructive when they were numerous...but the destructive nature of Sith has more to do with the dark side, not how many there are. How can the Sith control how many Jedi turn to the dark side anyway?

Is it me, or is this plot needlessly complicated? Not only that, but at its core it doesn't even make sense. Eventually, Palpatine is able to use the Trade Federation's invasion to get Amidala to make that ridiculous vote of no confidence and make himself Chancellor...but what was all that Sidious nonsense about making Amidala sign a treaty to legitimize the invasion?

Why the efforts to make her sign the treaty if that's not what he really wanted? If she had done so, how could Palpatine have made the same strategic move?

It was mentioned how asinine it is that a bounty hunter hires another bounty hunter to place slugs into a robot, and why the robot didn't kill Padme with bullets or laser fire...but let's take it further:

Why does the robot stick around? Are the slugs that valuable? It seems to have an ability to gauge when the mission fails, but why upon failure does it return to Zam? Why not self-destruct as a second attempt? Does it need to report back to Zam? If so, shouldn't it also have some ability to detect if it is being followed or giving someone a ride?