Chefelf.com Night Life: "the hopeless endeavour" - Chefelf.com Night Life

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"the hopeless endeavour" Yahtzee's latest short story

#1 User is offline   FFreak3 Icon

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 01:48 PM

http://www.fullyramb...es/hopeless.htm


Nice plot to that one, Yahtz. I enjoyed the computer's motive. Although, I'm wondering if you'd like a small file of random names for your characters, since you seem to like using four or five different english names all the time.

I probably would've included one or two things that previous clones had done, and the current one found weird, as a bit of foreshadowing. Or, if you did that and I didn't notice, emphasized them.
Overall, really, I think the writing could've been better. Seems pretty emotionless and distant, really. Your characters can be completely logical while establishing an emotional atmosphere, y'know.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed it, keep up the good work.





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#2 User is offline   Patch Icon

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 04:12 PM

I agree. While the whole thing had some good jokes they were just not as funny due to the depressing atmosphere.

Christine Quinn?
Lenkman?
Mathew Somerset?

They sound awfully familiar.
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#3 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 05:23 PM

I liked it a lot, even though I saw the clone business coming quite early on (Mary acting odd), possibly from playing 6DAS so much. But the last two paragraphs are like a punch in the face.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 21 August 2008 - 05:23 PM

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#4 User is offline   GoldenSeducer Icon

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 07:25 PM

I really should look at the main site more thoroughly, huh? I apparently missed a lot of his work. >_<

Maybe I was too tired/stupid to catch on to the cloning bit so early. I thought Mary just had some kind of Ditz Disease.
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#5 User is offline   AdamM Icon

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 06:53 AM

Oh God. Yahtzee is fucking insane.
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#6 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 12:32 PM

QUOTE (AdamM @ Aug 22 2008, 01:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh God. Yahtzee is fucking insane.

Not that I disagree with you, but care to elaborate?
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#7 User is offline   Reibear Icon

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 10:05 PM

What a sad story :{ Damn!
The names were distracting, especially if they were not intentional.
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#8 User is offline   FFreak3 Icon

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 01:29 AM

I saw the story ending as somewhat hopeful.

I mean, it showed that within one week, Travis' clone was able to make progress and teach the computer a more effective way of teaching his clones. I mean, hey, so the obvious didn't work, but now, the computer knows that.
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#9 User is offline   Candescence Icon

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 02:26 AM

Why do I suspect that Travis' clones will figure things out quicker than the other guy did, have the ship turn around, and then shag Mary for aeons until they finally reach Earth, leaving a note for every other clone afterwards? Either that, or Travis will finally have the ship blow itself up. But who would resist shagging the only woman on the ship? Sure, she's completely stupid, but at least she's good for SOMETHING.
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#10 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 02:31 AM

QUOTE (FFreak3 @ Aug 23 2008, 02:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I saw the story ending as somewhat hopeful.

I mean, it showed that within one week, Travis' clone was able to make progress and teach the computer a more effective way of teaching his clones. I mean, hey, so the obvious didn't work, but now, the computer knows that.


And he's got a week to figure it out.

And playing battleship is a lot less immediate than deleting a picture of the spaceship over and over.

And what if he thinks of checking the computer log earlier?
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#11 User is offline   Reibear Icon

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:06 PM

QUOTE (Candescence @ Aug 23 2008, 12:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why do I suspect that Travis' clones will figure things out quicker than the other guy did, have the ship turn around, and then shag Mary for aeons until they finally reach Earth, leaving a note for every other clone afterwards? Either that, or Travis will finally have the ship blow itself up. But who would resist shagging the only woman on the ship? Sure, she's completely stupid, but at least she's good for SOMETHING.

It's more likely that he would blow the ship up instead. Mary-lady is annoying and dies every day, and he's doomed to die every week; it's lonely and hopeless and sad for everyone. After like eight thousand years, there's really no reason to turn back, and one can't be sure how long it would take to come back, and for what? To say "please clear ship data thoroughly"? The ship is diseased and old. No one ever said Mary wasn't ugly and obnoxious, also.
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#12 User is offline   Patch Icon

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 05:46 AM

But how does it take so long for the connection to be made one day/week rather then another? Why is it that he discovered what was going on so many years of doing the same thing?
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#13 User is offline   arien Icon

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE (Patch @ Aug 24 2008, 06:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But how does it take so long for the connection to be made one day/week rather then another? Why is it that he discovered what was going on so many years of doing the same thing?

Ah, but that's the thing. Who's to say that this hasn't happened before, only to have a previous Travis clone die in a similar manner to the one in the story? A thought.
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#14 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 01:47 PM

The whole THING can't have happened before, because this time, the computer realized that "Draw and delete spaceship" was more effective than playing battleships.
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#15 User is offline   Millitant Pacifist Icon

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 05:36 PM

QUOTE (arien @ Aug 24 2008, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ah, but that's the thing. Who's to say that this hasn't happened before, only to have a previous Travis clone die in a similar manner to the one in the story? A thought.



QUOTE (Otal Nimrodi @ Aug 24 2008, 07:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The whole THING can't have happened before, because this time, the computer realized that "Draw and delete spaceship" was more effective than playing battleships.


But where did it get the idea for battleships from? I thought the computer was said to have no capacity for imagination. Could have been a chance remark when one of the previous clones was working out the truth. I had the same thought as Arien, with the ship refining its system of clues over many different clones's livespans.
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