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10/27/2002 Archived Entry: "Lousy Coffee"

Except for a few stupid problems with by brain I am feeling a lot better these days. The problems with my brain manifest themselves in the form of uncontrollable stupidity. For example: The other night I got a mediocre quesadilla at a bar and ate it. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling really really sick. It eventually passed. So what do you think I did last night? I had the leftovers... and got really really sick.

I hate to contribute to making my blog be 60% about coffee, but this is the stuff that goes on in my life and I just have to write it down lest it be lost permanently from my memory.

Starbucks Barista AromaI can't make good coffee. It occurred to me the other day that spending nearly $2.00 a pop on coffee at a donut shop is insanity! Coffee doesn't actually cost anything to make. I have a really nice coffee maker. It's a Starbucks Barista Aroma that was given to me by a friend a couple of years ago. Doesn't it just look professional? I figured out that for less than half the price of a cup of coffee that I should, in theory, be able to brew my own.

I do everything right. I use cold filtered water. I use the right ratio of grounds to water. I season my coffee maker regularly. I use only fresh coffee. So why then does my coffee always come out tasting like crap? What is it that I don't know about coffee making that makes my coffee always come out tasting terrible? Occasionally it will turn out acceptably but usually it's just barely drinkable. I measure everything out precisely so why is there this wild fluctuation in the quality of my final product?

I desperately want to make a good cup of coffee at home but I just don't think I have what it takes. The most depressing part of all of this is having my culinary arts degree lingering in my mind and taunting me. "Remember that coffee making class you took, Jackass?" It asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "And I used to make all of these slammin' cappuccinos and espressos all the time and they were delicious."

"Remember that flaming coffee?"


"That was cool."

"I know. So how come I can still cook really well at home but making coffee just doesn't work at all?"

"What was that they used for the flaming coffee, anyway?"

"I think it was Gran Marnier."

"Mmmm. Yeah, that was good."

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