I would just like to point out that the bulk of this article was written in April of 2002, a full two months before I met Jen, my current girlfriend. I wrote this article off, thinking it inappropriate to post while having a girlfriend. I am only posting it now because Jen found out about its existence and insisted I post it.
To put it simply: I lead a sad and cloistered existence. My only contact with anyone female is relatives and friends' girlfriends. Whenever I come in contact with a girl who doesn't fall into either category I become a shy blubbering fool and promptly make an ass of myself.
It is perfectly common for any man, when developing crushes, to rely on the women closest to him. Female friends, co-workers and others he comes in contact with. Since I have none of these I am forced to develop crushes on the beautiful ladies of TechTV.
TechTV, for those of you who have a life, is a wonderful TV channel that combines a love for computers and technology with TV. Most of the television personalities are unlike any you will find on other TV channels. TechTV didn't do what every other channel does and get a guy who used to be on Melrose Place and a former Playboy Playmate or Baywatch star to host their shows. They delved deep into the depths of computer and techie geekdom to retrieve the best of the best in reporting technology.
It seems that with only a few exceptions that most of them have only been in front of a camera for a week or so, learning the "TV Personality" aspect of their job on the air. On any given day there will be hundreds of mess ups and awkward moments on the air ranging from computers breaking to internet connections being lost. Things will fall over, people will bump their head and I will be watching at home, loving every second of it!
The guys of TechTV instill me with awe and admiration. My hero, Martin Sargent, mixes a heavy blend of Gen-X sarcasm with techie know-how and ranting. Leo Laporte, the wise father-figure of TechTV, teaches us simple and advanced tips and tricks on a daily basis from his extensive knowledge of computer systems. Chris Pirillo shows an inhuman amount of enthusiasm for his job while his website displays a much more cynical world view.
The girls of TechTV make me shudder with seventh grade-like glee*. They can't help it. They're all far too adorable to have any other effect on someone as isolated from society as myself. Their unconventional real-person good looks, high IQs and knowledge of OS X make me quiver with delight whenever one of them is on the screen.
One day I was sick and I couldn't do anything but lie down all day watching TechTV. Their matronly smiles kept me company and, I believe, helped me on the road to recovery.
My only regret is that I only discovered TechTV in early January of 2002, having had access to it for almost a year. 2001 will forever be known as "The Year of the Wasted Time".
It's odd because I've never had such a crush on so many girls at once. My previous record was 1 but now I find myself torn between many. I figured that I would take some time to highlight some of the qualities of each of these lovely ladies who are quite possibly the most important women in my life.