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the lovely ladies of techtv
I should be lucky enough to win the heart of just one.

TechTV

The Lovely Ladies of TechTV

I would just like to point out that the bulk of this article was written in April of 2002, a full two months before I met Jen, my current girlfriend. I wrote this article off, thinking it inappropriate to post while having a girlfriend. I am only posting it now because Jen found out about its existence and insisted I post it.

To put it simply: I lead a sad and cloistered existence. My only contact with anyone female is relatives and friends' girlfriends. Whenever I come in contact with a girl who doesn't fall into either category I become a shy blubbering fool and promptly make an ass of myself.

It is perfectly common for any man, when developing crushes, to rely on the women closest to him. Female friends, co-workers and others he comes in contact with. Since I have none of these I am forced to develop crushes on the beautiful ladies of TechTV.

TechTV, for those of you who have a life, is a wonderful TV channel that combines a love for computers and technology with TV. Most of the television personalities are unlike any you will find on other TV channels. TechTV didn't do what every other channel does and get a guy who used to be on Melrose Place and a former Playboy Playmate or Baywatch star to host their shows. They delved deep into the depths of computer and techie geekdom to retrieve the best of the best in reporting technology.

It seems that with only a few exceptions that most of them have only been in front of a camera for a week or so, learning the "TV Personality" aspect of their job on the air. On any given day there will be hundreds of mess ups and awkward moments on the air ranging from computers breaking to internet connections being lost. Things will fall over, people will bump their head and I will be watching at home, loving every second of it!

The guys of TechTV instill me with awe and admiration. My hero, Martin Sargent, mixes a heavy blend of Gen-X sarcasm with techie know-how and ranting. Leo Laporte, the wise father-figure of TechTV, teaches us simple and advanced tips and tricks on a daily basis from his extensive knowledge of computer systems. Chris Pirillo shows an inhuman amount of enthusiasm for his job while his website displays a much more cynical world view.

The girls of TechTV make me shudder with seventh grade-like glee*. They can't help it. They're all far too adorable to have any other effect on someone as isolated from society as myself. Their unconventional real-person good looks, high IQs and knowledge of OS X make me quiver with delight whenever one of them is on the screen.

One day I was sick and I couldn't do anything but lie down all day watching TechTV. Their matronly smiles kept me company and, I believe, helped me on the road to recovery.

My only regret is that I only discovered TechTV in early January of 2002, having had access to it for almost a year. 2001 will forever be known as "The Year of the Wasted Time".

It's odd because I've never had such a crush on so many girls at once. My previous record was 1 but now I find myself torn between many. I figured that I would take some time to highlight some of the qualities of each of these lovely ladies who are quite possibly the most important women in my life.


Alison Strahan

alisonstrahan

alison.strahan
silicon ali

Her fiery red hair and beautiful Australian accent make me sparkle with glee whenever she takes the screen. I am not often home at the times that her show "Call For Help" is on but when I am I'm charmed, to say the least. Not to say that she looks it but I get the impression that she's a lot older than me. That's fine. I find her sophistication and maturity endearing.

I would like to take Alison to a lovely restaurant in New England because I don't know if she's ever been here and I think she'd love it. We would spend the day in a small New Hampshire town shopping for antiques and then we would have dinner at a rustic Inn in Vermont. For an appetizer: New England Clam Chowder with fresh sprigs of dill. For our entree we would share a large serving of New England style Lobster Paella. Dessert would be a pumpkin crème brûlée served with maple sugar candies. After dinner we would sit by the fireplace and sip hot apple cider. There we would spend one wonderful night talking about our loves, our triumphs and our failures.

The next morning we would rush home to check our email.


Megan Morrone

meganmorrone
megan's livejournal

megan.morrone

It's hard not to be charmed by Megan. She's a well-rounded Apple/Linux/Windows user, one of the few on the channel that doesn't launch into tirades against operating systems she doesn't use. While everyone else holds bitter grudges against computer systems and components they don't like, Megan warms up the camera with her electric smile. She said something weird once about how only girls were evil twins and it didn't make any sense. That was one of my first impressions of her and I was confused as to how I felt about her quality level as a human being. I have since warmed up to her.


Catherine Schwartz

catherineschwartz
cat's blog

catherine.schwartz
cat

I love how Cat's eyebrows are always poised in such a way that it looks like she's about to belt out: "Oh. My. God!" The fact that I know she's too cool to actually do it makes me love her even more. She looks like she has a certain joie de vivre that would make her a delight to hang out with.

A quote from her blog:

"But it is raining outside and I LOVE the rain! I love the rain because it makes me fell [sic] like it's ok to stay inside and read my computer books."

That's my girl! That's exactly how I always feel, except that I always think it's okay to stay in even on a sunny day in July.


Michaela Pereira

michaelapereira

michaela.pereira

I have the utmost respect for Michaela Pereira. She has journalistic integrity. She's very very smart. Also, she's beautiful. Very beautiful. To be honest she does scare me a little. With most of the other girls on Tech TV I may feel relaxed and comfortable to be myself. I'm a little intimidated by Michaela Pereira. The way she can just cut down Patrick Norton when he's being a jackass frightens me a lot. So with Michaela I would probably elect to do something atypical that someone of her obvious level of sophistication would enjoy.

I would like to spend a night in the city with Michaela Pereira. Dinner at some posh New York Restaurant. If money were no object then perhaps I would fly out west to San Fransisco and we could eat at Starz. I've always wanted to eat there. I hear they have fabulous desserts! We could spend the later part of the evening attending some show or play or gallery opening or whatever it is that sophisticated people do in movies that I've seen. Then we could go to a cafe and have capuccinos and talk about our favorite recordings of Liszt and Chopin.

Then we would go back to her apartment and it would be one of those really nice apartments where you can just look out over the whole city and see the Golden Gate Bridge and that building that looks like a bishop in Chess. It would be rather amazing.


Morgan Webb

morganwebb
morgan's livejournal

morgan.webb

Morgan is a beauty. She is commonly referred to as "everyone's favorite Canadian" and I feel the same. (I apologize to my Canadian brother Paul but I think he will understand. At least he's my second favorite Canadian!**) Morgan seems really shy and that endears me deeply to her.

If I were to have a date with Morgan I would like to stay in. Maybe I would make her dinner. Maybe we would just get some takeout. Then I think we could spend the evening watching B-movies and snuggling on the couch. I would spend most of the evening pretending that I don't know she likes the new Star Wars movies.


Kate Botello

katebotello
kate's website

kate.botello

Sure you may say, "Hey, Kate Botello hasn't been at TechTV for like a year!" Maybe so, but that doesn't mean that I've stopped thinking about her. Not for a second. I hope she has found true happiness on Broadway and I hope she is happy that she has broken all of our hearts in the process.

Kate Botello is a really really goofy girl. It is her goofiness that I find irresistible. Besides she is hopelessly addicted to video games. The idea of a date consisting of nothing more than watching her play The Elder Scrolls II: Morrowind is actually pretty appealing. Or perhaps we would just play Quake against each other. That's what we all need: a girl that we can frag with.


Sumi Das

sumidas

sumi.das

Sumi Das is gorgeous. She's gorgeous and she loves gadgets! It couldn't get much better than being with a girl who blows her entire paycheck every week on new electronic toys! If we were going out, this would be our typical day:

Nate returns home from work.

Sumi: Nate, could you lend me $500 to cover my rent. I blew all my money on a new smart fridge.

Nate: Surely, Sweetheart. I understand.


Gretchen Pirillo

gretchenpirillo
gretchen's blog

gretchen.pirillo

Sure Gretchen may not actually be on TechTV, but her husbabd, Chris Pirillo is. Sure she might have a husband (Chris Pirillo) and might not want to date someone but for the sake of keeping this insane fantasy alive, I didn't think it would matter.

Gretchen is smart, sassy and beautiful. Plus she says things like "Wassup, G!" And that's got to count for something! Clearly she likes short men seeing she must be a full five or six feet taller than her husband, so that means she would be very happy with me.

Oh, Gretchen, we could make such sweet music together.


Let no one mistake this as mere list of girls that I think are hot. I have deep and profound crushes on all of these women. I believe that if I were in a situation where I had to interact with them in person I would end up falling in love with all of them without being able to help it. Finding people with as deep and abiding a love for technology as myself doesn't happen very often. If any or all of the lovely ladies were taken I would be happy to switch sexual preference and try to initiate a relationship with Martin Sargent. More than happy!

*My apologies to any of the Ladies of Tech TV who may read this and think I'm creepy. I'm really not quite as creepy or insane as this article would imply.

**Also apologies to my girlfriend even though she asked for this. And Just for the record: my girlfriend, Jen, is actually my favorite Canadian.

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