||As seen in Entertainment Weekly! No really!
Written by: Chefelf
Edited by: Jacques
By the equipment that the average person carries around in this movie I'm surprised that they're not all walking around with hiking backpacks. At one point Queen Amidala is cornered by troops and the only way out is to get a floor up. But how does one do that where there are not any stairs around? Not to worry! Queen Amidala and some of her entourage seem to have these guns that shoot grappling hooks and then also have motors that retract the grappling hook with enough force to lift a human body. Phew!
Only in a Video Game
When Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are chasing Darth Maul they come across this one corridor that is a series of seven or eight shield generated walls that turn on and off in a specific pattern. This is cool except that it is a scenario that would only ever exist in a video game.
Anakin just happens to crash into the main Trade Federation ship/command center. When there he accidentally releases two proton torpedoes directly into the power core of the ship and then accidentally flies out of the hangar bay. All the droids on Naboo then loose power. Oh, for silly luck!
After Qui-Gon's death we are faced with the biggest disappointment in the final Jedi fight sequence. Obi-Wan, his lightsaber lost down one of many bottomless pits, is hanging precariously by a pipe. It seems like Darth Maul has him right where he wants him when all of a sudden Obi-Wan just flips up out of the pit, uses the force to grab Qui-Gon's fallen lightsaber and just slices Darth Maul in half. That's it. An otherwise action-packed fight sequence ends with the stupidest, suspense-free ending one could ever hope for. Since Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan could barely survive against Darth Maul when fighting together I would have appreciated this climax a bit more if Obi-Wan would have had to assert some amount of effort. It doesn't really matter because I'm sure that in Episode II it will be revealed that N'Sync found Darth Maul at the bottom of the pit and sewed him back together.
When they all meet after the battle, Senator Palpatine says: "And you too, young Skywalker. We shall watch your career with great interest." George Lucas has really not mastered the prequel just yet. Someone should sit him down and make him watch Pulp Fiction and Memento so he can get an idea (or perhaps remember) how to make a good film. The thing about foreshadowing is that you shouldn't make it too obvious on the first viewing of a movie. Foreshadowing is extra obvious when you're foreshadowing something that everyone on the planet already knows is going to happen.
While discussing the Sith Lord that the Jedi had encountered, Yoda says: "Always two there are... no more... no less. A master and an apprentice." Then Mace Windu asks: "But which was destroyed? The master or the apprentice?" Then there is a close-up of Palpatine's chin. I'm not sure why I don't like this but it seems like the Palpatine's chin close-up is just another in a long series of reminders that this man is Darth Sidious and will one day rule as the Emperor. I can think of at least eighteen different ways this entire situation could have been handled differently. A simple thing such as not focusing in on Palpatine's chin (the only visible part of Darth Sidious's face) could have made this scene a little better.
A Static Ending
At the very end of the movie Queen Amidala presents Boss Nass with that static electricity sphere from the Boston Museum of Science. No explanation is given as to what this stupid thing is but for some reason the crowd goes wild. The same scene without the silly ball would have been a tremendous improvement of an otherwise meaningless waste of time.
Back to the Classics
After the glorious sphere presentation, everyone stands around and mugs for the camera, R2-D2 hops around and chirps and in all other ways it just emulates Episode IV. The Disappointment finally ends but the blatant rip-off reminds you of Star Wars Episode IV and the good 'ol days when movies only had a few minor flaws and not 78 major ones!
I hope you have found this list to be both informative and entertaining. If you are like me, you will be going out tonight at midnight to see Star Wars: Episode II. Also if you are like me you have prepared for the worst possible disappointment. I will be watching with a pen and a notepad to form the basic structure for my next Star Wars related article. If I come up with less than 78 reasons to hate this one it will be a small miracle.
May 15, 2002
Back to Chefelf's Main Star Wars Page
Reasons to Hate Star Wars
Episode I (78 Reasons to Hate!)
Episode II (64+ Reasons to Hate!)
Episode III (91 Reasons to Hate!)
The Nitpicker's Guide to Star Wars
Episode IV: Special Edition (12 Nitpicks!)
Episode V: Special Edition (8 Nitpicks!)
Episode VI: Special Edition (17 Nitpicks!)