Chefelf.com Night Life: parcelbombsmurf - Viewing Profile

Who loves the 7-Layer Burrito from Taco Bell? If you're a Taco Bell fan in general, you probably like this item. It has continued to be a staple for several years after its introduction to the Taco Bell menu several years ago.

Some time after the introduction of the 7-Layer Burrito, Del Taco attempted to shatter Taco Bell's hold on the Mexican-style fast food market with the unprecedented 8-LAYER BURRITO. Consumers had to be thinking: "why the hell would I go to Taco Bell and get a 7-Layer Burrito, when I can go to Dell Taco and get an 8-Layer Burrito." My answer: "the eighth layer could be fecal matter," in which case, more would not necessarily be better. In fact, I thought Del Taco's 8-Layer Burrito was a shameless advertising ploy. Sadly, it probably worked on some of America's consumers. I know it worked on Lucas because he is all about MORE IS ALWAYS BETTER. I'm sure you can come up with examples, but my favorite: lightsabers.

In Episodes IV-VI, 1 lightsaber, at best, to a Jedi, Luke had 1, Obi-Wan had 1, and Darth Vader had 1. In fact, Yoda had 0 (or he was hiding his 1 little lightsaber on Dagobah).

So how do we make Episode I better? We'll give the villain a double-lightsaber. It's not 1 lightsaber. It's not 2 lightsabers. We'll say it's 1 1/2 lightsabers. Darth Maul is cooler because he has more lightsabers.

Well, now what the hell are we gonna do to top Darth Maul's 1 1/2 lightsabers? That's easy. We'll have Anakin dual-wield 2 lightsabers. That is much cooler than Darth Maul. Fans will like it because more is better.

You can't top 2 lightsabers, can you? But we have to do something for Episode III to top Episode II. How can that possibly be done? How about a ridiculous 4-armed cyborg who wields in each hand, a lightsaber? You are amazing Lucas!

I wish there was an Episode VII so we could see an octupus jedi with 8 lightsabers. And then in Episode VIII, a vehicle that has a cannon that shoots lightsabers out of a minigun. And finally in Episode IX, a porcupine Death Star where each of its billion spines is its own gigantic lightsaber, and the thing just goes crashing into planets. I am drunk with ideas!

Anyway, thanks to my favorite filmmaker for his subtle amelioration of each subsequent movie!

One thing Chefelf does in his analysis of the prequels that I appreciate is debunking the argument that Jar Jar Binks is the only reason that the prequels are horrible. If you've ever seen the Phantom Edit, for example, you know that it's still a horrible movie without Binks. However, he contributes heavily to the prequels' failure, especially Phantom Menace.

Before I give another "Reason to Hate Phantom Menace," I'd like to say that Star Wars has gotten away with zany so-called-comedic characters in the past i.e. C3PO and Salacious Crumb with average success. However, C3PO's antics were always in moderation. Also, the idea of an uncharismatic language and culture droid has some good intrinsic irony and humor. And the other characters appeared to recognize C3PO's lameness, for example, when Leia shut him off at Han's request.

Binks has none of these elements that makes C3PO a decent character. The worst part is that NO ONE appears to notice Binks's ineptitude within the fabric of the movie. And even if they do (such as when, perhaps, Obi-Wan suggests that Binks is a pathetic lifeform, which by the way, is very Jedi--I thought Jedi respected all life), no one tries to keep him out of trouble. In fact, the other more important characters even put him in positions of responsibility where he can make trouble. For example, he is made a general in Phantom Menace and then a senator in Attack of the Clones. And there is a third time he is given some responsibility, a more subtle situation, which is the crux of my complaint in this post (finally):

Reason #X to Hate Phantom Menace
Taking Jar Jar to Mos Espa
Why did Qui-Gon, when forming the party to head into Mos Espa, choose to take Jar Jar Binks? For each of the other companions, there is a reason for their presence, but not Binks.
Qui-Gon Jinn: He's the Jedi in charge. He has experience. He's a good choice. He's the leader of the expedition.
R2D2: For everything technical, the Astromech droid seems the obvious choice. At the very least, he is able to show what the spaceship looks like to possible merchants in order to get the proper parts.
Padme: Padme has to come because the "Queen" insisted. Also, she has to meet Anakin.
Jar Jar Binks: There is no reason why Binks should have been included in the outing to Mos Espa. In fact, there are plenty of reasons not to bring him: (1) Binks has no talents to help the group (2) Tatooine is a dry desert planet with a harsh climate whereas Binks comes form a temperate climate and lives underwater (he only complains once about the murder to his skin or something) and (3) he is a complete clutz in a town of miscreants and thugs, which Qui-Gon knew having been told that Binks was exiled for being clumsy (and Binks does get into trouble at some point with Sebulba, but unfortunately, allows Binks to escape after being bluffed by Anakin). The only reason left for bringing Binks along is outside the "reality" of the setting, which is like so many of Lucas's poor decisions--sacrificing the intrinsic story for extrinsic considerations. Ostensibly, this is Lucas's shot (as Chefelf puts it) to do some CGI masturbation.
Panaka would have been a better choice, especially since Padme was going. Plus, he actually had the potential of being a cool character.

Happy critiquing!