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I was about to post in the Clone Wars animated thread but I felt (for once) that my rant might deserve its own thread this time.

To put it simply, I hate the clones. Awful, awful idea in every respect. Daddy Fett copies? What they should have done is this:

The Prequel Trilogy: The HK 47 way

The villains in the PT should have been Sith, all good and well. They are secretly building a huge army by capturing fringe worlds outside of republic jurisdiction. The weak are wiped out, and the strong are enslaved, and worse, used as clone templates. The clones derived from these base hosts are trained to be merciless troopers. So, we get several different types of clones, with some sort of personality intact. The hosts are later discarded. This would fit perfectly with the OTs Storm Troopers, weak-minded yet ruthless.

The Republic becomes aware of the situation (not fully though, it remains mostly a mystery) but cannot interfere directly. So they contact the mysterious Jedi Order (who does not by the way live in a tower on Coruscant but on one or several dangerous and untamed worlds brimming with the Force) to investigate. Instead of a rubbish trade route taxation plot, the PT opens as the Jedi infiltrate a giant slave vessel where they start to make their first discoveries concerning the clones. Shortly after that, a young Jedi called Obi-Wan saves a lost boy, who has been kept in slavery all his life, full of anger, but strong with the Force.

Consider some of these implications:
1. Clones make sense. They were always on the evil side. Stormtroopers ARE clones.
2. Anakins anger makes sense. His background should be horrible.
3. The Jedi would be considered mysterious and cool, not as stiff as a corporate board.
4. There would be more than two Sith.
5. The Republic would be losing real lives as they fight the clones.
6. No more droid army, no Trade Federation.
7. Jedi would feel force disturbance around clones since they're an unnatural lifeform and would therefore feel compelled to oppose them. Jedi = Life, Sith = Anti-Life

etc. etc. etc.

Ta-da!

Episode I: Rise of the Sith

DEEP SPACE, ABOVE A SMALL PLANET

A dark, frightening vessel comes into view. It looks old and battleworn.

CLOSE ON DARK SHIP
Several smaller shuttles are docking with the large ship, arriving from the planet below. It looks as if battles have just taken place on the surface.

CUT TO INT. OF DARK SHIP

Slaves in tattered clothes are being herded by scary looking black armored troopers across wide iron bridges crossing vast depths. The setting is dark and foreboding. The troopers prod them with staves, forcing them into different cages along the route. The slaves are being treated very poorly.

CUT TO WOMAN WITH CHILD

A middle aged woman carrying a wounded girl is brutally struck to the ground by two slavers.

SLAVER 1: She's too weak, no use to us.

Slaves around the woman and child move away in fear.

ANGLE TO TWO MYSTERIOUS ROBED SLAVES STANDING IN THE BACK

The robed slaves look at each other, one of them seems alarmed. One tries to hold the other back.

SLAVER 2: Kill her, and the child.

CUT TO WOMANS FACE

The terrified woman covers the whimpering childs eyes and the blinks away the tears and closes her own. The slavers laugh and aim their blasters.

The audience hears the familiar sound of a lightsaber igniting followed by a blaster shots while flashes of bright blue light is reflected on the face of the woman. Two seconds later you hear the sound of a lightsaber being turned off. Silence follows. The camera hasn't left the womans face, and she carefully opens her eyes.

CUT TO ROBED STRANGER

His face remains in shadow as he puts his finger to his lips, urging the woman to remain quiet. The woman is still stunned and terrified.

CUT TO THIRD SLAVER

The robed stranger was spotted by a third guard, who immediately rushes toward the control platform to raise the alarm! The robed stranger sprints at an inhuman speed to reach the guard. The rest of the slaves take notice to catch a glimpse of the action. More guards rush in to stop the robed stranger. The stranger lets his robes fall, but we hardly even catch a glimpse of him, he's too fast! The awestruck slaves gape in amazement as multiple guards are struck down and blasterfire is deflected by the now unmasked Jedi!

CAMERA FOLLOWS THE JEDI IN ACTION

The young heroic Jedi is surrounded by several heavily armoured slavers and fights furiously to reach the alarm. The slaves cheer as he uses his Jedi powers to clear the guards hurling his lightsaber towards the remaining slaver. He is too late. As his lightsaber goes straight through the last slaver a pulsing alarm sounds, echoing throughout the ship. Several heavy iron doors slam shut.

CUT TO SECOND ROBED STRANGER

The other robed stranger removes her hood. Despite the excitement, this female Jedi remains perfectly calm and collected. She switches her comlink on.

FEMALE JEDI: Master Yoda? Our cover is blown.

COMLINK: *Sigh* Obi-Wan?

FEMALE JEDI: Who else?

CUT TO APPROACHING, GRINNING OBI-WAN

COMLINK: Move quickly you must, many more lives are now endangered.

FEMALE JEDI: Yes Master.


Notes:

The female Jedi is the opposite of Obi-Wan, the cool to his passion, but just as skilled. Later (Episode II) they fall in love during the clone wars. In episode III, she is slain by Darth Vader just before the famous duel. Should put some interesting pressure on Obi-Wan eh?

The Jedi will remain unaware of the Sith until the very end of Episode I. By then it's too late. The galaxy erupts in the Clone Wars in episode II. Obi-Wan has already begun to train Anakin, the Republic will need all the help it can get.

Just saw it. It's impossible to describe in words. It really is. You thought the Holiday Special was special? Think again.

Star Wars clips, third rate turkish Kung Fu, horseback acrobatics, zombies, musical score from several famous sci-fi flicks. I was crying with laughter when turkish Luke takes on the giant bright red muppets with his lightning gloves to the Raiders theme! Let's just say it's way more emotionally engaging than the PT...

Search for "turkish star wars" torrents at mininova or isohunt.

ps. Thanks to Harmonica for the link

I got this off GeeksOn.coms latest podcast. This is an official description of the show sent to the actors who want to apply. Here's an excerpt:

"The exciting and troubled times of young Luke Skywalker as he stumbles through his adolescence discovering what it takes to become a hero. A junior at Mos Eisley High, Luke befriends a quiet but troubled teen Han Solo and becomes best friends. Even with a diverse collection of alien life, Sand people and the occasional visit from the Empire nothing will be able to break their friendship, except for maybe one person, a new transfer student from Alderaan: Leia. A young girl whose beauty catches the eye of both of them. Could this love triangle tear them apart? How long can Han take the abuse from his father? Will Luke discover any secrets from his familys past or future? The adventure begins today..."

WTF??! !!

See the latest podcast at www.geekson.com for the entire story and ensuing debate
http://www. geekson.c...ekson040406.mp3
(Starts at 11.00 min)

Grabbed this off somethingawful.com, thought it was pretty good... /HK

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Lucasfilm Internal Memo

To: Roger Barton
CC: Ben Burtt, Lucasfilm Editing & SFX Staff
From: George Lucas
Date: 6/13/2015
Re: List of Changes for Episodes I-III Theatrical Re-release

*CONFIDENTIAL*

Howdy Star Warriors,

as you know work is about to begin on the THX II remastering process for the theatrical re-release of the prequel trilogy for Star Wars. I have talked about some changes I would like to see during this process with Roger but I would like to share this with everyone to get some feedback and maybe see what ideas you have. Most of these things are pretty minor and we should be able to handle them with Skywalker Sandbox Digital Actor Studio. Worst case scenario we may have to get a handful of actors back to loop in audio.

I would like to add a sequence to Phantom Menace where Qui-Gon Jinn has his hand cut off by Darth Maul. This would happen before the final confrontation with Maul so that when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan face off against Maul Qui-Gon has a mechanical hand. I would also like to add a similar sequence to Attack of the Clones. We could digitally add a light saber to Jango Fett and he can cut off Obi-Wan's hand and then later the bug creatures can give him a robot hand while he is in captivity. I think this really helps tie together all of the plot points that connect both trilogies.
In Episode II when Padme and Anakin are having their picnic I would like to add some creatures like ants but they are bigger and they talk in a really cute high-pitched voice like "mee mee mee." These ant creatures come and while Padme and Anakin are talking to each other about love and whatever they cover everything in the picnic! They could have a whole lot of trouble lifting a hardboiled egg and Padme could laugh and try to help them along. It would be really cute and then Anakin could smash them all (we won't show it, just show him like stomping or smacking down a bowl on them or something) and he can say "don't help insects they are beneath you" and then he would make like he is going to kiss her but she doesn't want to because she thought it was mean. I think that would help show that he can give in to the dark side at any moment.

I think it would be really great to add in Han Solo and Lando at some point in Revenge of the Sith. Our best bet would be to have Lando and Han Solo as little kids in one of the hallways where Anakin is walking around talking to Obi-Wan. They could be playing hyperball or glomp jumps or some other space game and Anakin could walk between them because he is starting to become evil. Han Solo could throw the ball and Anakin could catch it and crush it with his robot hand. Han Solo could say "hey you big jerk, that was my ball" and Anakin could say "when next we meet I will destroy you, HAN SOLO." Get John Williams to have a zippy little "dun-dun-dunnnn" that we can slip into his score there. Fans will go crazy. They love that sort of thing.

A lot of people have complained that Yoda in Episodes I-III seems way too smart compared to Yoda in Episode V so I think we need to do something about that. Maybe add a scene in Revenge of the Sith near the end where Yoda like falls down on his knees and starts screaming from all of the Force HITTING HIM HARD because all of the Jedis are dying. Then when he gets up he could be all laughs and "eh-hehehe" and sticking things in his mouth like a three year old. But then he goes back to being normal smart Yoda so, you know, it would show that he can go back and forth depending on his mood.

In Episode I when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon first go to Tattoine I would like a bunch more stuff going on like more ships flying around, some fireworks shooting up into the sky, and maybe a dragon or a giant gargoyle or something. It could like swoop by overhead and Obi-Wan could say "oh man, what is that thing, such beasts on this world" and Qui-Gon could lay some Jedi Master wisdom on him like "they are nothing compared to the Nuk-nuk birds I have seen on Jamis-5."

Take out the verbal references to Midi-Clorians in all of the prequels and replace them with something cooler like "Force Levels" or "Force Mana." That one didn't go over too well.

In the opening sequence of Episode III where Obi-Wan and Anakin fly their Jedi ships through the big space war I would really like to fully capture the razzamatazz of two huge forces colliding in space combat. Add hundreds more ships and huge explosions and missiles and lasers flying everywhere.

I was a little bit disappointed that people didn't realize that was Moff Tarkin on the bridge of a Star Destroyer with Darth Vader at the end of Episode III. I think we should loop in some dialogue of Darth Vader saying something like "are you ready to destroy some stars, Moff Tarkin?"

Let's see if we can tone down some of the violence, especially in Episode III. With the new MPAA ratings standards from the government a theatrical re-release of Episode III might get an "X" rating. I think these new standards are pretty extreme, but I would still like to make it more family-accessible. A good example that comes to mind is when Obi-Wan and the lizard creature he is riding fall after being shot at. Obi-Wan was able to save himself but the poor lizard, the audience assumes, fell to a grisly death. In a case like that we should add in a parachute that opens or maybe something cool like the lizard can inflate a big bubble on its back and float to safety. Little touches like that will help us get down to an "R" rating. This applies to the original trilogy as well. We're not editing much in those but I think things like Vader's Force choking should be like he puts them to sleep instead. Just a quick and easy change that no one will miss.

I think if we work really hard together on this we can turn something great into something awesome for the ages.
- GL

In regards to Vaders identity, wouldn't the connection between RotS and ANH have worked better if Obi-Wan left Anakin to burn on Mustafar and that was it? We don't get to see Palpatine saving Anakin or putting him in the suit. (The "Nooooo!" scene would be left out. ) So when Vader is introduced in ANH it's the first time we see him in the suit, his identity would remain more of a mystery. Well, not really, but I think it would have worked much better.