Chefelf.com Night Life: jxw - Viewing Profile

It's only since reading Chefelf's reasons for the latest travesty that it's occurred to me what a stupid planet Coruscant is. The whole planet is a city, so what produces the oxygen for everybody/thing to breathe? There's no greenery at all on the planet. You don't have to be a committed environmentalist to realise that there's something drastically wrong with the ecosystem on the planet.

I've no doubt that GL has already considered this point and has a sensible answer ti explain everything.

I haven't seen this posted here:

Darth Vader's blog

He describes the attack on Hoth thus:

I could feel the presence of my son, but he was not at the base. The good news is that as I came into the rebel landing bay I saw the renegade Han Solo escorting the traitor Leia Organa aboard the same Corellian freighter that we captured them in last year. And do you know who else was with them? C-3P0!

Talk about a blast from the past!

It's a sign there's a new Star Wars film coming out. The German channel ProSieben has just shown "Krieg der Sterne" or "Star Wars". I hope they didn't pay George Lucas too much for this two hour long advert for his latest offering. They included a trailer in one of the advert breaks and, oh hell, it looks awful. But we'll wait and see...

This was the first time I've seen the "enhanced" version of Star Wars and Chefelf's criticisms are spot on. Why there need to be all these extra creatures and gimmicks all over the place is a mystery. I will say though, that the "Greedo shoots first" bit is so fast that if you blink, you'll miss it. I don't understand why people get so upset about it. Then again, why change it in the first place? These changes make the film more like the new films - this would be great, except that the new films are terrible.

A couple of things struck me while watching this. It's the first time I've seen SW for over a year now, and the first time I've seen it in German - I reckon I could write the whole English script from memory, so hearing it in another language makes some things more noticeable. I was delighted with "Ich finde Ihren Mangel an Glauben beklakenswert" (I find your lack of faith disturbing) - it's actually word for word, and yet it captures exactly the feeling of the original. I missed most of another of my favourites, "Do not be so proud of this technological terror that you have constructed", but even so, it made me realise just how memorable the lines in the original were. It's notable that there's a thread on this board on how many bad lines there are in the prequels, when there are probably an equal number of good lines in the first film alone. More on this later.

The other thing which I really noticed was the scene in the garbage collector. This is one that I often fast-forward. It's just a bit too clicheed. Having to watch it on TV though, it's a demonstration of how Lucas has lost his skills as a director. "It's worse," they say. "Something just brushed past my leg." We then see something moving among the floating polystyrene bits. An eye pops up and looks around. This is not something that would trouble Hitchcock, but it does actually build some tension. It makes you care about what's happening.

There is nothing, nothing at all, in Episodes I or II that contain even these simple tricks. Maybe I've missed them - I've seen Star Wars at least 200 times (conservative estimate) and Episode I only about 10 times, while I've seen Episode II three times - a comment itself on the quality of the films. It's not much - rocks falling down a crevice as Artoo makes his/its way through the desert as another example - but it makes all the difference.

At the end of the garbage collector scene, when Artoo has switched off the crushers, they all scream with relief. C3PO say, "Listen to them, Artoo. They're dying!" Not the best joke ever, but pretty good in context, and a good break to the tension. Compare this to "I'm quite beside myself" etc that C3PO comes up with nowadays.

Where did it all go wrong? Star Wars was George Lucas' work alone, as are the new films. The prequels are just a conveyor belt of cliches and special effects. Sure, a lot of the lines in Star Wars are pretty bad, but so many are memorable. The only lines I can think of in the two prequels are "Wipe them out, all of them", which has the same kind of feeling as those in the OT, and "Why do I get the feeling you'll be the death of me", which strikes me as not being written by Lucas.

Anyway, I'll be watching "Das Imperium Schlaegt Zurueck" on Thursday. No doubt I'll see even greater contrasts as to how awful the new films are.

Incidentally, I often wondered whether "Return of the Jedi" was plural, or whether it just referred to Luke. The German name, "Rueckkehr der Jedi-Ritter" makes it clear that it is plural. I don't know if this was officially confirmed by Lucasfilm, but I would guess that it was. Just in case anybody else wondered...

Personally, I'd like to see a kind of "Passion of the Skywalker".

We keep the same paper thin plot that Lucas is going to use anyway - this will use up about 10 minutes of screen time. Then, for the remaining 2 hours, rather than pointless action sequences, we see Anakin suffering relentless and agonising torture.

I freely admit this isn't great cinema, but Anakin deserves it after AotC. I submit that this is a valid outline for the film because a) it's better than what we'll get; b) nothing can save the trilogy anyway, so it can't spoil Star Wars (any more).

Mel Gibson has shown that this format can work. I think Lucas and McCallum would be missing out on a trick if they didn't try it. It's not too late either.

For those of you who don't immediately know who Gonk is, he/she/it is the power droid who appears in the Jawa transport, just as the Jawas are moving the droids out for sale. He's a big box with legs. He says, "Gonk! Gonk!" as he is being moved. He also appears later in Los Isely.

I saw Gonk in one of the photos in Chefelf's nitpicks of Star Wars - The Bastardised Version, and it took me back to reading a Usenet flame war about ten years ago on the true meaning of Gonk. Many people believed that Gonk was the main reason for the production of the trilogy, with Luke, Leia et al just detracting from the real point of the film. Wide ranging speculations took place over Gonk's mission, his view of the universe and the ultimate purpose that was indicated by his presence. Further discussions took place over possible extra sightings of Gonk in the droid workshop in ROTJ, to confirm Gonk as a central and important character in the trilogy (he wasn't there though).

This may all be dismissed as trivia of the most inane kind, but it was actually a perfect parody (intentional or otherwise) of the Boba Fett mania. Boba Fett has slightly more screen time than Gonk, and a few words extra dialogue, but the difference is hardly significant.

Do we get a full back story to Gonk in the prequels?

No.

Is Gonk transplanted into the "Special" Editions for no good reason?

No.

Is Boba Fett more important to Star Wars than Gonk?

No.

George Lucas has just one film to correct this injustice. If we don't get a full and contrived background story to explain Gonk's appearance in Star Wars, I will lose faith in him entirely as a film maker. At least half an hour is necessary, to regain parity with Boba Fett. Furthermore, I demand some moronic statement from pRick McCallum where he asks us to "understand the relentlessness of Gonk and what motivates him."

Nothing less will do.