Chefelf.com Night Life: Final Fantasy 13 - Chefelf.com Night Life

Jump to content

  • (2 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2

Final Fantasy 13 looks utterly ridonculous...

#1 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

  • Knows All The Girls Named Lola
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 7,234
  • Joined: 24-May 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rural Pahrump Nevada
  • Interests:Tyranny
  • Country:United States

Posted 25 February 2010 - 02:39 PM

Since this is the default forum for all gaming news, I thought I'd toss this in here. Figure there have to be a few RPG junkies, or at least people who were introduced to the glory of the FF series through Cloud and Sephiroth's antics in 7. Anywho, a friend who is more into it than I am passed on rumors to be regarding this game, and only now upon seeing it do I believe it. The story sounds like a poorly filled out fantasy mad libs, and the made up names arent even all that creative. Let's have a peek!

Quote

Story
Cocoon — a utopia in the sky. Its inhabitants believed their world a paradise.
Under the Sanctum's rule, Cocoon had long known peace and prosperity.
Mankind was blessed by its protectors, the benevolent fal'Cie, and believed that tranquil days would continue forever.
Their tranquility was shattered with the discovery of one hostile fal'Cie.
The moment that fal'Cie from Pulse — the feared and detested lowerworld — awoke from its slumber, peace on Cocoon came to an end.
Fal'Cie curse humans, turning them into magic-wielding servants.
They become l'Cie — chosen of the fal'Cie.
Those branded with the mark of a l'Cie carry the burden of either fulfilling their Focus or facing a fateharsher than death itself.
A prayer for redemption.
A wish to protect the world.
A promise to challenge destiny.
After thirteen days of fates intertwined, the battle begins.


Ah so we have cocoon and pulse. I wonder what they call their world of cocoon for short? Also, theres some mischief with the good falcie and the bad falcie and the bad falcie make lcie and the lcie do......... something with a focus or suffer "fateharsher". And that little bullshit haiku? I wished to protect the world once, but then I challenged destiny, and let me tell you, never challenge destiny to a hot dog eating contest. Vomit and half digested wieners everywhere, there was!

But, like any great RPG, a poorly written description and uncreative, non immersive terminology isnt what counts. What counts is the characters. So lets look at them!

Quote

Lightning
This solitary young woman speaks little of herself – even her true name is a mystery. She is known to others simply as "Lightning."


I am amazed. I am amazed that these jackasses used one sentence of a two sentence description to point out that the main character is known to others by her FUGGING LISTED NAME! That doesnt make her sound mysterious, that's just dumb. You could say the same of any character if you were an idiot who needed to take up space in a character description. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all games would benefit from some half assed intrigue. Lets see: "The mysterious plumber is known to others only as..... Mario!"

Quote

Vanille
Vanille is an endearing young woman with a relentlessly sunny disposition. Her bright personality gives no hint of the dark resolve that lies within.


First of all, I already want to put her in the front line of my battle order and watch her face get shredded. Second of all, I hope you get to meet her sisters. Assuming they keep up the insane flavor theme, I'm pretty sure their parents expected them to grow up to be porn starlets. "Tonight on Skinemax, we'll bring you the Neapolitan sisters in "Chocolate covered strawberries and vanilla creme!"

Quote

Hope
Hope has enjoyed a markedly uneventful youth on humankind's haven of Cocoon.


His name is a four letter word. Fitting, because I can think of several four letter words to apply to anyone who thought this was a way to gain our interest in their character. Jesus guys, are you even trying? I hope in the actual game book they give him some more depth. Maybe tell us about how he had above average scores in Biology, or his membership in glee club. I cant WAIT to recruit this guy now!

Quote

Fang
Fang is a mysterious woman who is working with the Sanctum military despite bearing the mark of the detested l'Cie. She has a strong-minded personality and is unconcerned with trivialities.


Another great fantasy name. And watch out for this one, because she's unconcerned with trivialities! As opposed to the usual rpg character who is, ya know, concerned with trivialities to the point of being OCD. Speaking of, that would make for a very interesting party member! I'll kick fang out of the party and recruit an obsessive compulsive hand washer. "Time to go question fate and challenge destiny or something!" "No... the hands are not clean... must wash the hands.... not clean... NOT CLEAN!" His special attack will be a gout of germex to the eyes. OWNed!

Quote

Snow
An irrepressible, fiery young man, Snow dives headfirst into danger using nothing but his powerful physique as a weapon.


In game speak I think this means "bring a lot of potions for this jackoff"

There is one character whose description and name dont enrgage me... But it points out that he carries around a chocobo with him (insert Soviet Russia pun) and then reveals that he looks like this
Posted Image
So, we have our tough guy/girl, our monk, our uh.... guy with good scores in biology, and finally FF13 allows us to fill the hole in every adventuring party's line up, the role of "creepy learing middle eastern child molester"

Quote

Sera
Sera is Lightning's younger sister and Snow's fiancee. Always showing concern for Lightning, she has an inner fortitude that allows her to make her own decisions without relying on her older sister.


Holy fuck! A character that can make her own decisions without relying on her older sister? Ok, where's the game guide, I need to get her first. That power is going to tear the hell out of any enemy I face! Damn if only Vivi or Celes or Vincent had been this cool. But clearly, no other RPG character holds a candle to Sera. Especially because she's one of the only two people in the damned game with an actual made up name. Or maybe Sears didnt offer enough cash and they made an eleventh hour letter switch...

So there you have it. I know the cinematics will likely be shiney, I know that summoning will do moderate damage and take up ten minutes of your precious life while looking super cool.... But for gods sake dont buy this game until these people learn to write proper ad copy!

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 25 February 2010 - 02:57 PM

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0

#2 User is offline   Ghello Icon

  • Level Boss
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 334
  • Joined: 10-February 08
  • Country:United States

Posted 25 February 2010 - 03:21 PM

I am lighting, the rain transformed.
0

#3 User is offline   Ultravisitor Icon

  • New Cop
  • Group: Junior Members
  • Posts: 24
  • Joined: 30-December 09
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Jacksonville
  • Country:United States

Posted 25 February 2010 - 08:26 PM

Final fantasy 13 you say? Am I the only one who thinks the NES version is and always will be the best one?

Better question, am I the only human entity under 30 who has PLAYED the NES version?
I finally got my website up. Im pretty stoaked right about now.
0

#4 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

  • Knows All The Girls Named Lola
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 7,234
  • Joined: 24-May 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rural Pahrump Nevada
  • Interests:Tyranny
  • Country:United States

Posted 25 February 2010 - 11:40 PM

Newp. I played FF1 on an emulator, and I have all the FFs for the original PS1.

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0

#5 User is offline   arien Icon

  • Level Boss
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 361
  • Joined: 27-October 06
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:The doughnut cave.
  • Country:United States

Posted 26 February 2010 - 12:39 AM

View PostJ m HofMarN, on 25 February 2010 - 11:40 PM, said:

Newp. I played FF1 on an emulator,

This for me too. Though I never finished and I still have it around somewhere...
0

#6 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

  • Goatboy
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 2,305
  • Joined: 18-June 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:None of your business.
  • Country:Hungary

Posted 26 February 2010 - 06:58 AM

Well at least they finally gave in and admitted how uninspired they have been with this series themselves.

I was never really a big fan of the games. They all seemed to have stunning visuals for their time, however I found their stories bland and most of their characters at least generic or suffering from Mary Sue-syndrome but most of the time they were downright hateful. And the writing, oh, the horrible writing and dialogues. I kind of enjoyed playing FF6 for a while because of its unique skill development and multifaceted combat system but never finished it because like all the other parts of the series, it's drawn out like fuck.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 26 February 2010 - 07:00 AM

0

#7 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

  • God damn it, Nappa.
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,560
  • Joined: 26-December 05
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Three octaves down to your left.
  • Interests:Thermonuclear warfare and other pleasantries.
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 26 February 2010 - 07:25 AM

View PostDavid-kyo, on 26 February 2010 - 12:58 PM, said:

I kind of enjoyed playing FF6 for a while because of its unique skill development and multifaceted combat system-

Wait what? Are we actually talking about FF6 here, the one that was released as FF3 in some places? The one with Kefka 'n all? If so, do explain.

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
0

#8 User is offline   Thaluikhain Icon

  • Level Boss
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 445
  • Joined: 11-May 07
  • Location:The Mysterious Cities of Gold
  • Country:Australia

Posted 26 February 2010 - 07:26 AM

View PostJ m HofMarN, on 26 February 2010 - 05:39 AM, said:

I am amazed. I am amazed that these jackasses used one sentence of a two sentence description to point out that the main character is known to others by her FUGGING LISTED NAME! That doesnt make her sound mysterious, that's just dumb. You could say the same of any character if you were an idiot who needed to take up space in a character description. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all games would benefit from some half assed intrigue. Lets see: "The mysterious plumber is known to others only as..... Mario!"


I dunno...it could have worked. If she was "Brian, who is called Brian"...that would have the advantage of being a Monty Python quote from Life of Brian (which was even better than the Holy Grail, though gets quoted less), and having a girl with a guy's name. Lulz.
0

#9 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

  • Goatboy
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 2,305
  • Joined: 18-June 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:None of your business.
  • Country:Hungary

Posted 26 February 2010 - 08:00 AM

View PostGobbler, on 26 February 2010 - 01:25 PM, said:

Wait what? Are we actually talking about FF6 here, the one that was released as FF3 in some places? The one with Kefka 'n all? If so, do explain.

Yeah, that's the one. I actually liked the fact all (well, most of) the characters had some sort of unique skills and abilities to them, like the martial artist guy being able to deliver powerful combos with no MP cost if you could be arsed to input the moves correctly, the little Tarzan kid being able to mimic foes' attacks he'd been exposed to, und so weiter. I also liked the junctioning system of this game which wasn't as mind-numbing as in FF8 (which was only slightly more complicated than actual brain surgery) so you could have your characters develop further in a strategic way. Yes, I admit, 6-8 years ago my boredom threshold was a lot higher and I was a lot less busy with real life affairs.

(But then you had to fuck around in zombie-infested towns and catch different kinds of fish to a dying guy not to die for hours on end which made me lose all interest in the whole thing.)
0

#10 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

  • God damn it, Nappa.
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,560
  • Joined: 26-December 05
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Three octaves down to your left.
  • Interests:Thermonuclear warfare and other pleasantries.
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 27 February 2010 - 11:37 AM

View PostDavid-kyo, on 26 February 2010 - 02:00 PM, said:

Yeah, that's the one. I actually liked the fact all (well, most of) the characters had some sort of unique skills and abilities to them, like the martial artist guy being able to deliver powerful combos with no MP cost if you could be arsed to input the moves correctly, the little Tarzan kid being able to mimic foes' attacks he'd been exposed to, und so weiter. I also liked the junctioning system of this game which wasn't as mind-numbing as in FF8 (which was only slightly more complicated than actual brain surgery) so you could have your characters develop further in a strategic way. Yes, I admit, 6-8 years ago my boredom threshold was a lot higher and I was a lot less busy with real life affairs.

(But then you had to fuck around in zombie-infested towns and catch different kinds of fish to a dying guy not to die for hours on end which made me lose all interest in the whole thing.)

You could just let him die. It leaves a hole in your soul, but hey, gotta be movin' on. But yeah, now that you mention it... the other games of the series only gave different stats to the people and some limit breaks or what have you. And let's just forget about FF9's feeble attempt at recreating the character combos...

Ah, but that reminds me, gotta replay Chrono Trigger some time, they got that part mostly right.

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
0

#11 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

  • Knows All The Girls Named Lola
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 7,234
  • Joined: 24-May 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rural Pahrump Nevada
  • Interests:Tyranny
  • Country:United States

Posted 27 February 2010 - 02:55 PM

I think you might be on to something with the individual character skills, Kyo. I'm playing Breath of Fire 2 (old skool SNES) and every character has a different skill in there, though the story is kind of shallow and a lot of the quests are just "get x and return to y" but it does give you a good reason to use everyone. Still, I think theres something to be said for allowing people to choose their favorite characters for the party either by power, story, or what have you. Another example would be the magnificent Suikoden series, where different characters offer new rooms or services in your castle, their own combos and skills, and of course a special ending. I think Suikoden was really the high point of the rpg medium, right along with FF6 and 7 for various reasons. I know 7 was where it started to turn from your ff6s and suikodens into the FF8s and FF10s and so forth, but the story was still really incredible and I'm always going to be devoted to it.

As for FF8s junction system it was perfectly simple! All you have to do is junction a certain magic to a certain stat and you get a bonus. However some magics dont combine with some stats, and the bonus decreases if you use the magic, and GFs and armors can effect your stats positively or negatively as well, and you have to be able to draw the right magic from the right draw point to get the right stat up, anad some of the draw points are only on one particular island that no one can find unless they've already been there, and again, you cant use the magic if you want good stats.

See? Perfectly simple!... Yeah thats why 7's system will always be the tops for me. There are STILL people figuring out ways to make your characters uber using different combos of materia. Leveling those things up in the Northern Cave was a bitch but it paid off so well. It really gives you a feeling of accomplishment when you can walk into a boss battle, lay down the controller, and watch your party kick the shit out of anything without even entering commands. Some might say this takes the skill out of the game, but figuring some of the combos out and getting the materia/armor to do it was a skill in and of itself.

Gobbler- I have to say as far as the newer ones go I didnt mind FF9 all that much. It was kinda forgettable and all, but it still had its moments. A step up from 8 at the very least.

As for the let him die option? I fucking love that sort of stuff. Suikoden had a good bit of that, where you were able to decide whether to behead people or forgive them and let them join you. I appreciate that more because it makes you feel more into the game to have the choice and contemplate it than if you were just forced along. Of course most people probably wouldnt do it so surely it wasnt necessary, but its just one of those nice little touches.

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0

#12 User is offline   Ghello Icon

  • Level Boss
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 334
  • Joined: 10-February 08
  • Country:United States

Posted 27 February 2010 - 09:02 PM

Here's how you beat FFVII.

1. Max out all your Counter Strike Materia, put it on Cloud if it isn't already.



Even though I like the FF games, each one has a flaw and this one is huge, being able to beat the toughest form of the last boss in under 3 minutes of any RPG is ridiculous.
0

#13 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

  • Knows All The Girls Named Lola
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 7,234
  • Joined: 24-May 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Rural Pahrump Nevada
  • Interests:Tyranny
  • Country:United States

Posted 27 February 2010 - 09:49 PM

Add in the time you took to level up all that counter materia and get the 3x growth weapons, and so forth, and you spent hours to be able to do that. Its actually more work to do it that way than it would be to do it normally.

And you forgot to add that he needs to be equiped with cover materia and HP plusses, and some damn good armor. Oh, and he's not going to do a lot of damage with physical attacks unless you get his ultima weapon, which also requires a sidequest.

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0

#14 User is offline   Dr Lecter Icon

  • Almighty God Of All Morals
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 2,132
  • Joined: 03-January 05
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Crawley/Hull
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 28 February 2010 - 05:50 AM

It's final fantasy. That's all you need to say, he's going to be about a bunch of depressive teenagers wearing toothpicks, where there girls look like they're all about 12 and the men look like girls who are about 13. It's going to to sell loads and loads of copies, and everyone is going to say how great it is, but it is probably going to suck balls. Just like all but about... 3 Japanese games I can think of. *Waits for anti-truth spam*
0

#15 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

  • God damn it, Nappa.
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,560
  • Joined: 26-December 05
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Three octaves down to your left.
  • Interests:Thermonuclear warfare and other pleasantries.
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 28 February 2010 - 11:34 AM

Pff, you people and your counter materia. No real skill required for that. Me, I always preferred the Lucky 7 method. Not always easy to pull off, but hooo boy... once it hit...

View PostJ m HofMarN, on 27 February 2010 - 08:55 PM, said:

Gobbler- I have to say as far as the newer ones go I didnt mind FF9 all that much. It was kinda forgettable and all, but it still had its moments. A step up from 8 at the very least.

Your opinion in wrong and you should feel bad. FF9 was absofuckinglutely terrible. FF8 at least tried to give the whole angstiness a good looking face - how's a fucking monkey jumping out oh-so-unexpectedly and asking for his stupid princess supposed to be a step up? Fuck, just look at that frog-eating blue... whatever it was. Not even a Quistis Trepe could reach that level of uselessnes.

And Trance? TRANCE? Pu-lease...

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
0

  • (2 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2


Fast Reply

  • Decrease editor size
  • Increase editor size