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95 Theses Against TPM Chefelf's got competition...
#1
Posted 07 June 2004 - 03:00 PM
I found this on ruthlessreviews.com. Not as detailed or elegantly written as Chefelf's list, but quite funny nonetheless.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?
QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#3
Posted 07 June 2004 - 04:11 PM
No more lists, as far as I know. He wrote a review of Episode II but seemed to like it slightly better.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?
QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#4
Posted 07 June 2004 - 09:19 PM
I liked this one:
31. When Qui-Gon goes into Mos Isely looking for an engine or whatever, why would he take Jar Jar, a creature indigenous to Naboo, if he didn't want the Queen to be found? All ten thousand of his annoying traits aside, Jar jar is certainly not inconspicuous. Especially since Lucas went out of his way to explain that Gugans are aquatic beasts and tattooine is a fucking desert.
Don't think this one was included in your list Chef. The rest are basically summarised in your other points though.
Good laugh all around.
31. When Qui-Gon goes into Mos Isely looking for an engine or whatever, why would he take Jar Jar, a creature indigenous to Naboo, if he didn't want the Queen to be found? All ten thousand of his annoying traits aside, Jar jar is certainly not inconspicuous. Especially since Lucas went out of his way to explain that Gugans are aquatic beasts and tattooine is a fucking desert.
Don't think this one was included in your list Chef. The rest are basically summarised in your other points though.
Good laugh all around.
Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter.
Yoda
Yoda
#6
Posted 07 June 2004 - 11:08 PM
QUOTE
crude, but pithy
This list goes beyond mere crudeness, it is an outrage! How dare the writer go and credit his absolute WASTE of time and energy to the noble pursuits of Martin Luther?!! :angry: This person needs desperately to have his mouth washed out with soap! The 95 points of his are not only repetitive and childish, but obsessive and, quite frankly, despicable. He so readily criticises George Lucas for making this film, yet I have not seen this joke on humanity attempting to create a better film! People are so quick to degrade someone else's hard work and imagination when they themselves work even less labouriously, if at all! :angry:
Now I am not saying that "the Phantom Menace" was particularly the most excellent film that I have ever seen, especially when compared to Lucas' other "Star Wars" films, but one ought still to have the decency to at least acknowledge the fact that he is trying, andd he is out of practice as well! I am sure that by now Lucas has realised what errors he has made with the "first" two films-- and that is probably the reason for the delayed release of the third installment. However, these "blunders are not a license for bad-mouthing and slander of an honest hardworking man.
We should endeavor to silence dunder heads like the author of that website!
"Carthago delenda est!"
#9
Posted 08 June 2004 - 03:18 PM
QUOTE (Gleffnork @ Jun 7 2004, 11:08 PM)
QUOTE
crude, but pithy
This list goes beyond mere crudeness, it is an outrage! How dare the writer go and credit his absolute WASTE of time and energy to the noble pursuits of Martin Luther?!! :angry: This person needs desperately to have his mouth washed out with soap! The 95 points of his are not only repetitive and childish, but obsessive and, quite frankly, despicable. He so readily criticises George Lucas for making this film, yet I have not seen this joke on humanity attempting to create a better film! People are so quick to degrade someone else's hard work and imagination when they themselves work even less labouriously, if at all! :angry:
Now I am not saying that "the Phantom Menace" was particularly the most excellent film that I have ever seen, especially when compared to Lucas' other "Star Wars" films, but one ought still to have the decency to at least acknowledge the fact that he is trying, andd he is out of practice as well! I am sure that by now Lucas has realised what errors he has made with the "first" two films-- and that is probably the reason for the delayed release of the third installment. However, these "blunders are not a license for bad-mouthing and slander of an honest hardworking man.
We should endeavor to silence dunder heads like the author of that website!
"Carthago delenda est!"
Umm, did you actually watch TPM? No. I don't believe that, in any way, George Lucas was "trying" to make a good story. He was, perhaps, "trying" to generate an "exciting" FX rollercoaster, but nothing more. He was also "trying" to create a merchandising behemoth that never came to fruition (Q: How is Skywalker Ranch like Suncoast Video? A: Little Boys Jar-Jar Binks Boxers 1/2 off).
--FW
#10
Posted 08 June 2004 - 04:11 PM
actually what I've had come to mind are all the stickers, magnets and curtains with that wonderful image (you'll remember this) of Jake Lloyd; pod-racer's head with goggles, helmet and gritting teeth.
besides the 32 collectible pepsi cans and the 96 taco bell/pizza hut/kfc toys.
besides the 32 collectible pepsi cans and the 96 taco bell/pizza hut/kfc toys.
#11
Posted 08 June 2004 - 04:44 PM
There are some good points there (i.e. the Jar Jar/Naboo/Tatooine thing is a very good point). It is a little on the crude side. As much critical writing on the Internet tends to be. If you put the word "fuck" in your review a few dozen times it's a better guarantee of getting cheap laughs.
Actually I just went back and counted. "Fuck" appears 15 times.
Actually I just went back and counted. "Fuck" appears 15 times.
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