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Yahtzee is going to eat my soul for this. a little well-meaning bashing of Six Days a Sacrifice

#1 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Post icon  Posted 31 May 2009 - 09:02 PM

I would just like to preface this by saying that I am a big fan of 5 Days a Stranger and Trilby's Notes, and I thought 7 Days a Skeptic was fun and interesting. I was massively impressed (read: I haven't got a good night's sleep since I first started playing 5DAS). In fact, I probably would not be so quick to make fun of 6 Days a Sacrifice if the other games hadn't been so brilliant, thus making the ending seem kind of sad in comparison.

Further Disclaimer: I do not guarantee that anything I say or do is funny, witty, interesting, or at all worthwhile. I am not responsible for any loss of brain cells. Possible spoilers for 6DAS. Also, obviously 6DAS and all associated stuff belongs to Yahtzee.

(Go to http://kirel-kemmetm...e-Why-124392606 for pretty much the same thing except on deviantART)

Possible Reasons for the Unfortunate Existence of Six Days a Sacrifice


1. Yahtzee is so opposed to the mere idea of fans, fandoms, and fanbases that when he realized the Chzo Mythos games were developing one, he felt the need to crush it.

2. Yahtzee wrote the script for the game while drinking absinthe and taking several different hallucinogenic drugs.

3. Serenity syndrome: trying to cram too much stuff into one game, when it was really meant to be spread out (like Serenity of Firefly fame, which fell flat because a season’s worth of plot development was never meant to be crammed into one movie).

4. Yahtzee is a sadist. There are only two things which bring some spark of evil glee to his shriveled, blackened heart. One is making fanboys (and fangirls) cry. The other is tormenting video game characters. Sacrifice does both at the same time, and does it well.

5. Yahtzee is a masochist. Trilby being a kind of computerized persona of his, he took out his own self-loathing on this hapless character and everyone around him in as many creative ways as possible without really caring whether the rest of the game made any sense anymore.

6. There actually is an Order of the Blessed Agonies, of which Yahtzee is a member, and Sacrifice is a simulator for the three agonies of Body, Mind and Soul. The Agony of the Mind is supposed to be painful boredom with some aspect of fear. Thus, your character hobbles at the sort of pace you would, in all fairness, expect someone with half their bones broken to hobble, through an environment which is threatening but somehow not threatening enough to make you, the player, actually care. The Agony of the Body is ordinary physical torture. This comes into play when, unable to find the password for the computer controlling the security cameras, you resort to smashing your face against the keyboard until you either find something that works or fall into sweet, sweet unconsciousness. The Agony of the Soul is supposed to occur when someone you love is killed. Since anyone who liked the other, good games loves the character Trilby, this is covered on two fronts. First, the dashing gentleman thief turned cynical and paranoid paranormal investigator is reduced to a clone army of never-ending cannon fodder, and not very bright or interesting cannon fodder at that, effectively killing everything we liked about the character; second, an endless supply of actual guesome deaths (and fates worse than death) await him, because it apparently wasn’t enough to pick just one.

7. The building inspector was such a useless and stupid character that, once he was introduced, there really wasn’t anywhere to go but down.

8. It’s all part of an elaborate plot of revenge against the guy who reviewed 5 Days a Stranger ZeroPunctuation style.

9. Yahtzee came up with three different endings for the games and couldn’t choose between them, so he pulled scenes from each randomly and pasted them together.

10. Yahtzee was bored with the whole project so he slapped an ending together to just be done with it.

11. There were just too many loose plot elements for one clever Australian with a sweet hat to handle.

12. This game is brilliant and makes perfect sense if you buy the full version. The free one is edited. Yahtzee demands moar monies!

13. This game is brilliant and makes perfect sense if you are one of Yahtzee’s close friends who knows all the in-jokes you and he came up with at two in the morning during that one sleepover where you braided each others’ beards.

14. This game is brilliant and makes perfect sense if you are a former victim/occupant of Chzo, because you’re completely loony already.

15. Sacrifice’s plot was actually written by John DeFoe. Yahtzee was forced to write a game around it to avoid being chopped into bite-sized bits with a machete.

16. A dumb and uncaring universe spawned it out of the eternal nothingness.

17. The game’s target audience was Yog Sothoths. From their perspective, it’s a wonderful heartwarming comedy and dating sim.

18. The Guardian decided that Fate wanted this game to occur, and guided its maker’s hand.

19. He really just wanted to screw around with all of our heads for a laugh, and the real ending is coming out later.

20. ...And the New Prince came to the Maker of Games, and commanded him, “Record these events in your Moving Testament, and distribute them to the masses that they might know the name of the King and his love, for each word is true and everyone keeps mistaking our tracts for the ones those Fundamentalist Christians leave out.” And the Maker of Games said, “Sod off, you’re just an alcohol-induced hallucination and I’m not...not taking orders from some fruitloop hallucination...oo, Branston pickle.” And the New Prince would have thrown down the Maker of Games, but the Maker of Games had already done a fair job of that already. Thus the New Prince repeated his command, and called upon the power of the King to instill fear in the Maker of Games, and the Maker of Games was afraid, and agreed to make the Moving Testaments.
...Yet the Maker of Games still spoke against the plan of the King, for he said, “Truly these other Testaments I have written are goodly and well made, and spread the name of the King and his love, and those who experience these Testaments shall never again know peaceful slumber. See, the Testaments gain great praise, and those who are wise and pass judgement on the Makers of Games throughout the Scientific Realm give offerings to them and know their greatness. But this last one will gain no praise, for it is more convoluted and tortuous than the lower intestine of the King, and suspension of disbelief only goes so far with most people. Also, Theo DaCabe is assuredly a prat.” And the New Prince was angered, for Theo DaCabe was the vessel through which the New Prince ascended, and the New Prince struck down the Maker of Games, and the Maker of Games knew the name of the King. And then the New Prince had no one to write the Testament for him, and had to take the blood of the Maker of Games to create a new Maker of Games, as the Guide had been remade, and the new Maker of Games did not have to be told twice.


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#2 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Posted 31 May 2009 - 10:26 PM

I don't see an edit button, so either there isn't one, or I'm an idiot. Probably the latter.

I'm just a little paranoid because reading back over the list, is is kinda harsh even though it wasn't meant to be serious. I'm worried I look like a jerk. I promise I'm not one of those people who gets some sort of trollish thrill out of finding fans of something and telling them how much the thing they are fans of sucks. Except maybe for Twilight. Honestly 6DAS was still better than a lot of games I've played. Also it was free, which means I didn't have to wait for my friend to buy a copy and finish the game before I could borrow it. (Given the choice between entertainment and food, I choose food. ...Usually.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is please please please don't hate me or throw me to the pain elementals or whatever. Although you can mock me all you want. You can't hurt my self-esteem because I lost it some time between exams and failing to find a part-time job and it hasn't shown up since. (I'm hoping I just haven't unpacked it yet.)
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#3 User is offline   Game Over Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 12:54 AM

I still don't get 6DAS, so I agree with you on certain points.

No, guys, she's not a troll.
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#4 User is offline   Jeremy Clarkson Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 02:26 AM

QUOTE (Kirel @ Jun 1 2009, 01:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm an idiot.


sounds brilliantly concise to me
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#5 User is offline   Thaluikhain Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 04:06 AM

QUOTE (Kirel @ Jun 1 2009, 12:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. Yahtzee is so opposed to the mere idea of fans, fandoms, and fanbases that when he realized the Chzo Mythos games were developing one, he felt the need to crush it.


Sort of funny. But then you suffer the fate of all humourous list makers and blather on and on without saying anything remotedly interesting.

(A word of advice to all people who post "funny" lists on the internet. Don't.)

I think the games had a touch of Indigo Prophecy Syndrome...and a little bit of whatever makes GW think suddenly introducing ancient, all powerful monsters from before the dawn of time which have been manipulating events for their own reasons and are about to blah blah blah is a good idea.

Chzo isn't nearly as lame as the C'tan are, but there is sort of the same feeling of over-compensation about it.
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#6 User is offline   Game Over Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 06:17 AM

I still prefer Lovecraft when it comes to sci-fi fantasies.
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#7 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:22 AM

QUOTE (Thaluikhain @ Jun 1 2009, 05:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sort of funny. But then you suffer the fate of all humourous list makers and blather on and on without saying anything remotedly interesting.

(A word of advice to all people who post "funny" lists on the internet. Don't.)

I think the games had a touch of Indigo Prophecy Syndrome...and a little bit of whatever makes GW think suddenly introducing ancient, all powerful monsters from before the dawn of time which have been manipulating events for their own reasons and are about to blah blah blah is a good idea.

Chzo isn't nearly as lame as the C'tan are, but there is sort of the same feeling of over-compensation about it.


Thanks for the advice. I'll take it to heart.

It was something I scribbled early in the morning because I had writer's block and there was nothing better to do, and more and more I'm just wishing I hadn't. Every time I read over it again I cringe. What on earth possessed me to post it here I have no clue, but I wish it would go possess someone else.

And I'd agree with your diagnosis. At its core 6DAS really wasn't such a bad game, but it got to the point that the plot was so insane the game couldn't suck you in anymore.
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#8 User is offline   Jeremy Clarkson Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:02 AM

a woman is on a beach. she has no arms and no leges. and she's crying

a man walks up to her and says "why are you crying?" she says "i've never been hugged before". he hugs her and leaves

he comes back later and says "why are you still crying?" she says "i've never been kissed before." he kisses her and leaves.

he comes back again and says"why are you still cyring?" she says "i've never been screwed before."

he picks her up and throws her into the ocean
"there. now you're screwed."
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#9 User is offline   Thaluikhain Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:12 AM

QUOTE (Kirel @ Jun 2 2009, 12:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It was something I scribbled early in the morning because I had writer's block and there was nothing better to do


You could always write an American sitcom.
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#10 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:17 AM

QUOTE (Jeremy Clarkson @ Jun 1 2009, 11:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
a woman is on a beach. she has no arms and no leges. and she's crying

a man walks up to her and says "why are you crying?" she says "i've never been hugged before". he hugs her and leaves

he comes back later and says "why are you still crying?" she says "i've never been kissed before." he kisses her and leaves.

he comes back again and says"why are you still cyring?" she says "i've never been screwed before."

he picks her up and throws her into the ocean
"there. now you're screwed."


Was there a point to that?
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#11 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:17 AM

QUOTE (Thaluikhain @ Jun 1 2009, 11:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You could always write an American sitcom.


Even I have standards.
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#12 User is offline   ftr Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:39 AM

QUOTE (Kirel @ Jun 1 2009, 03:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Was there a point to that?


His past few troll attempts have gone un-noticed.

He's getting desperate.

You just fed him.

Well done.

(Says the guy who argued with him the other day >_<)
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#13 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 11:14 AM

Let's just try to forget about that whole Chzo thing, it really wasn't his best move, even though it was still pretty well executed. Sorta like the Matrix sequels. Sorta.

And please, no more Trilby stuff. Or Ethereal Realm and Scientific Realm or what else - it's not nearly interesting enough.

...
























Why I'm talking to thin air, I've no idea.

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Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
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#14 User is offline   Kirel Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 12:56 PM

QUOTE (Gobbler @ Jun 1 2009, 12:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Let's just try to forget about that whole Chzo thing, it really wasn't his best move, even though it was still pretty well executed. Sorta like the Matrix sequels. Sorta.

And please, no more Trilby stuff. Or Ethereal Realm and Scientific Realm or what else - it's not nearly interesting enough.


Hey, I really like the other Chzo/John Defoe/etc. games. It takes serious skill to create that kind of atmosphere, especially with the resources at hand; they really suck you into them. I think this is further proof that fancy graphics, new consoles, and other things that cost tons of money are no substitute for good writing and design. Art of Theft is an entirely different animal, but lots of fun, and Trilby as a character in general is really interesting. I'd like to see more of him, and I'd like to see other characters from the series expounded upon a bit more. (I can haz short storiez?)

In unrelated news, I really wish I could find an edit button for the main post. I now see at least one typo in my already dumb list. However, it appears only new posts which do not start new topics get edit buttons.

This post has been edited by Kirel: 01 June 2009 - 01:01 PM

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#15 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 01 June 2009 - 01:27 PM

All posts get an edit button... for thirty minutes.

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Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
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