The first thing I noticed is that none of the characters would have backstories except for humorous anecdotes so whereas Luke had originally been a young man thirsting for adventure and to see the galaxy, cosntrained by his uncle who wants to keep him from turning to his father's ways Luke would instead be just some guy who once stepped in bantha poodu. Also replace uncle Owen wanting to keep Luke from his father's ways with uncle Owen always having to save Luke from nests of toydarians.
Also C3PO and R2 will have their backstories changed to that they fell in some bantha poodu together and have been friends ever since. Princess leia will have gotten the plans for the deathstar from some silly villain, probably called arch-duke ferdinand, by resting them from his cold dead hands after a protracted lightsaber battle.
And the battle between the rebel blockade runner will now involve leia taking the pilots seat and crying out wooohoooo as she evades imperial fire. After the ten minute fight scene when the rebels are captured Darth vader and leia will have a humorous father daughter moment probably involving some puns on how he used to change her when she wet her pants and then she'll say he's grown far too big for his, then the audience will die which will spare them the scene where he throws her into a pit of bantha poodoo because she wont tell him where the rebel base is because of the time he wouldnt let her take out a speeder.
Luke and Obi wan, a guy who once saved luke's father from a nest of hutts, will meet Han solo and his comical sidekick, chewbinks who were kicked out of their community for comiting hillarious antics. Han solo will routinely flick his tongue out for no reason while Chewbinks baubles around clumsily and breaks things. To get to the millenium falcon they will have to fight BOBA FETT or perhaps a dark side jedi with four legs. After killing the evil guy Obi wan will officially declare Luke to be a jedi knight, since that's how Obi wan got the title apparently.
Next there will be a few pictures of BOBA FETT getting up and cursing his enemies and vowing revenge. His soliloque will last at least five minutes wherein he goes into various Shatnerian poses. After the escape from BOBA FETT and the anonymous dark side guy the six aboard the falcon will incessantly be talking about BOBA FETT and how cool he was. Jabba the Hutt will come and tell BOBA FETT to "kill Han Solo - or else" , that way we gain a lot of sympathy for BOBA FETT. It will never be revealed why Jabba wants Solo dead or what "or else" means.
Anyhow the deathstar will now, instead of blowing up Alderon, take out the rebel fleet in a really flashy and impressive battle. After this flashy and impressive battle we'll cut to another one where the imperial troops led by BOBA FETT are boarding the millenium falcon for some reason. As all of the storm troopers will now have lightsabers the battle will last for about half the movie. Finally BOBA FETT will kill off Obi Wan Kenobi and Obi's last request will be for BOBA FETT to train Luke in the ways of the force. BOBA FETT inexplicably will change sides and save everyone and then they'll fly in through an open window of the deathstar and blow it up after rescuing princess Leia. During their ride to the secret rebel base on Naboo Han will hit on Leia with various lines such as:
"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
"You know where I come from there's a lot of hot and sultry and moist soft stuff -wiggles brows-"
"I likes to stare at your tits"
After Leia boots him between the legs a few times they'll reach Naboo where the whole crew, including BOBA FETT are awarded meddles in a huge ceremony. Naturally Han and Leia will kiss at the end of it.
That's about as far as I care to imagine, anyone else have nightmares they want to share?
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 27 May 2004 - 02:06 AM