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Refactoring Star Wars This woman is a genius...

#1 User is offline   Toru-chan Icon

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Posted 18 February 2009 - 05:43 PM

QUOTE
Evil Trilogy

The original Star Wars trilogy follows a standard three-part story progression. The heroes strike a blow for good in A New Hope, suffer terribly in Empire Strikes Back, and finally overcome the bulk of evil in Return of the Jedi. The prequel trilogy is generally not worth mentioning except for the last one, Revenge of the Sith. I do not particularly like Return of the Jedi, or the first two prequels, so I never bought those, only the other three. Therefore, when I go on a Star Wars kick and view my movies, the story shown constitutes a sort of standard trilogy plot line for the empire and its cause.

In Revenge of the Sith, we see the glorious rise of a new emperor. Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi apprentice with vast potential, is swayed to the empire's cause. He ends the movie as a tortured, angry soul renamed Darth Vader, and serving his new government. Members of the Jedi order are stomped into the dust by emperor Palpatine and his loyal followers, who control nearly everything at the end of the movie. The planet-incinerating Death Star is well under construction. Life is good for the empire and its hordes of stalwart stormtroopers. People can live in peace again.

Star wars, A New Hope is the middle chapter, a total downer, as per expectations. Smugglers, crazy old Jedi, and unwashed peasant boys from the far reaches of the galaxy repeatedly elude capture, spiriting technical information on the high-tech Death Star to a band of rebels. Victory appears imminent when it looks as though the moon-sized vessel is about to destroy these filthy ingrates, and their pathetic planet. Unfortunately, the insurgents manage to exploit the Death Star's one weakness, and destroy it, eliminating a powerful force for the empire. On the bright side, Darth Vader manages to escape. We maintain hope that he can put down these upstart terrorists, and possibly strangle a few retarded engineers.

A decent measure of justice is found in our conclusion, Empire Strikes Back. Darth Vader manages to imprison or maim several rebels key to the Death Star's destruction. Punishment for ruining the empire's property and murdering its loyal citizens is swift and merciless. Death is not good enough. Greater horrors must be inflicted. One ship captain is cryogenically frozen, and placed on permanent display as a macabre decoration. When Darth Vader discovers his long lost son, stolen and corrupted by remnants of the Jedi, he first attempts to recruit the young man. When his son will not join the empire, Darth Vader demonstrates his commitment to justice by cutting off the boy's hand. The end of the movie shows a likely future of glorious victory for the empire against the terrorists, who have been greatly reduced in strength and willpower.

George Lucas probably does not intend his movies to be viewed in such a manner, but I prefer things this way. The shiny happy ending never sat well with me, and now I never need to see Jar Jar Binks or those creepy Ewoks again.

http://www.ohesso.co...ys/essay004.htm


Secret Battle Plans for defeating Adobe too:
http://www.ohesso.co...ys/essay006.htm

And maybe even the other PT movies can be saved if a fanedtor dubs Jar Jar Binks to talk like this:
http://www.ohesso.co...ys/essay002.htm

For that matter, the Ewoks can be dubbed to rant like Islamofacists.

This post has been edited by Toru-chan: 18 February 2009 - 05:45 PM

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