[Chyld]

Stuck ‘special agent’ tells cops of secret mission
Police have an alternate theory, allege aggravated robbery

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. - It wasn't the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

"Mission failed," he told them.

Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a "special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931" and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to "defuse and confiscate" a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a "MERV6SS-22AN" warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue, plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said.

However, Smith told officers his "agency" called while he was in air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead.

Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.

"Fortunately he was able to reach his cell phone," DeBusk said, "or he may not have been found for quite some time."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26762188/

Thanks to JM for this one

Yeah, I think I said it all in the title there. The Illuminati's supposed to be the secret organisation running the entire world from behind the shadows, and they're helicoptering a sixteen year old boy into a museum to defuse a bomb hidden in a cow. Not very sneaky really.

(And I know it says he's 25, but look at the picture in the article. Like fuck he's older than me.)

[Vesuvius]

Very entertaining read.

[J m HofMarN]

I bet 911 wasnt the first number he called. Imagine being the poor bastard's mom.

[Ninja Duck]

And so the plans of the Illuminati are set back by that much. Praise be unto Eris, fnord.

I don't know about how old that guy is, but he looks like the "after" picture from those before/after hard drugs campaigns.

[Slade]

Note to self: "Don't do meth."

The Illuminati are getting very sloppy, hiring kids to do their dirty work. Meh. I have nothing funny to say. Good article!

[Gobbler]

I wonder what went on inside the museum while security forces were distracted...

[J m HofMarN]

The fact that they hit him with agg. robbery is curious to me. That's going to be hard to make it stick. Aggravated usually means you've been warned off from that action in some way and had an opportunity to stop, and robbery generally means you stole something. Neither of those things seem to apply seeing as there was no one else there, and he doesnt seem to have taken anything. They could have hit him with a simple breaking and entering and maybe resisting arrest for not coming out of the vent.

But I think the rationale for this is that the cops had to haul him out of somewhere. Any time you make police do physical labor the charges against you increase exponentially.

[reiner]

The fact that they hit him with agg. robbery is curious to me. That's going to be hard to make it stick. Aggravated usually means you've been warned off from that action in some way and had an opportunity to stop, and robbery generally means you stole something. Neither of those things seem to apply seeing as there was no one else there, and he doesnt seem to have taken anything. They could have hit him with a simple breaking and entering and maybe resisting arrest for not coming out of the vent.

Can they couple that with a BNE charge? I was kind of wondering the same thing.

[J m HofMarN]

It doesnt matter what they charge him with, the illuminati will save him!