[Mist]

I already put this in FullyRamblo, but it should be random enough.

My dad, sister, and I went out to dinner with my grandmother. We were eating, and the manager or someone came up and asked how we were doing. I don't think my grandmother quite understood (her english is somewhat broken), and she told him that it was none of his business how our meal was, and that he should leave us alone. He wasn't sure how to react, of course, and he just stood there for a minute trying to figure out if she was joking or not. Finally, my father and I both said that the meal was fine and thanked him for asking. He was pretty shaken, but he intensified his plastic smile, nod/bowed, and kind of stumbled away. I felt sorry for him, but, at the same time, it was kind of cute.

JYAMG: Those are some of the most disgusting things. The truckload should be ones that have already been played in and urinated on by little kids just so it's a completely accurate dipiction of what kind of monster they've created.

This post has been edited by Mist: 22 June 2004 - 12:58 AM

[Despondent]

"I want to play in those balls," my younger cousin said. I tried not to blush as Aunt Margie said "Oh? those balls."

I've always thought that it'd be cool for adults to have a place to go with like a swimming pool full; with a rope swing and a diving board? (think: scrooge mcduck and his money bin.)

but yes, I'd never considered that they are disgusting. urine and feces and cockroaches and, that email that was going around talking about needles and syringes or worse.

(not enviromentally correct:) put em in a landfill. play with them there if you have to. Probably just as safe

[SimeSublime]

And Laura, we don't think you're a militant feminist. Your avatar is too sweet for that to be the case.

But it sure does look grumpy

[barend]

and that just makes it cuter!!!

[Just your average movie goer]

Yup. Also, glad to see I am not alone in my hatred of those plastic balls.

[Rory]

Well, I can still understand why someone might react unfavorably to having the door held open for him or her. Hundreds of years of oppression dont exactly go away overnight, and some people certainly place more stock in symbolic gestures than I. For example, getting upset at the term "rule of thumb" isn't exactly insane.

[Just your average movie goer]

For example, getting upset at the term "rule of thumb" isn't exactly insane.

Not if they know where the term originated... agreed. When you posted that information on this thread, that was the first time I'd ever heard of it.

Although I would hope that if I used that term in the presence of a lady who was familiar with it's origins that she wouldn't automatically assume that I was a misogynist reptile.

[Laura]

Although I would hope that if I used that term in the presence of a lady who was familiar with it's origins that she wouldn't automatically assume that I was a misogynist reptile.

That's just what I'm saying, though--people who are upset at the action, phrase, etc. itself have that right, but they shouldn't be upset at YOU, who presumably didn't know any better.

There are a million little things we do every day that could offend some people while most think it's perfectly normal. That doesn't mean that the person who is offended is necessarily an over-sensitive villain; they may just have more information or be in a position to find it more uncomfortable.

Veering from sexism, let's say you ask your co-worker about his wife without knowing he's gay, or even ask a girl out without knowing she's gay. Now, that's not necessarily offensive (although some might call it heterosexist), and it would be run-of-the-mill for many people; but it does create an uncomfortable situation for these particular people. It's not your fault and it's not theirs, but still, the discomfort exists.

Doing something like holding the door for a girl might be the same way. You know you're just being nice, but she may wonder if there is deep-seated sexism at the root of it, and that will make her uncomfortable. Of course you're not outright thinking "This woman is weak and cannot hold the door for herself," but you may subconsciously feel something similar, and she just doesn't know if that's true.

Some people react to this discomfort by getting angry. And some people don't give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the worst, although in many cases they are wrong. And that's not fair to the good-intentioned person, sure. But it's also not fair to assume that they're just determined to find something wrong and are offended over nothing. They may be overreacting to the situation, but they're making something out of something, and even if you are the guy who's just being nice, you'd be surprised how many guys there are out there for whom there's more to it than that.

Remember, all of the experiences in this person's life are probably pointing them in that direction. Discrimination is present in all sorts of little ways in our society and I don't blame people for trying to reduce it, trying to educate those around them, or even for assuming the worst if they've been right nine cases out of ten.

Yes, it is wrong to just blow up without knowing the whole story. Yes, people should find out what you meant by what you said or did before assuming you're being something-ist. And people should handle it calmly. They may not be 100% correct, but I entreat you to understand where they're coming from. Give THEM the benefit of the doubt.

Ideally, we could address these issues without anybody getting mad. I imagine the exchange could go something like this:
GIRL: Whoa, whoa, pardner. What are you doing there?
GUY: Uhhh... holding the door?
GIRL: What for?
GUY: Well, you're carrying that anvil, and I was just trying to be nice.
GIRL: It's not because I'm a woman?
GUY: What? No. You're a woman?
GIRL: HA HA HA
GUY: HA HA HA
-fin-

Yeah, so, sorry JYAMG, you may go back to your regularly scheduled pointless random thoughts.

[Just your average movie goer]

Thanks Laura. It was a good post though. I get where you're coming from. I haven't changed my mind on the issue but I will try to be more sensitive to any "militant feminists" I may encounter. When they crack down on me, I will try to go easy on them.

[Mist]

When they crack down on me, I will try to go easy on them. 

You're such a misogynistic reptile, JYAMG.

Laura: That was a good post. Good point with the subconscious thinking piece, but I'd be more inclined to pity those people than get upset at them. How sad to have something like that imbedded in your thought-processes. One reason it could even get in there in the first place would be if the person was psychologically insecure and needed to latch onto something (even subconsciously) to maintain a sense of superiority. The second reason is that you grew up with it, were conditioned to think that way from an early age, and managed to cling to it through all the growing-up years. Really, it boils down to insecurity, doesn't it?

JYAMG: Changing subjects did wonders, didn't it?

This post has been edited by Mist: 22 June 2004 - 03:41 PM

[Just your average movie goer]

I know. It looks like pointless random thoughts has become a discussion forum for gender issues and dating ettiquette.... I've created some kind of monster.

[barend]

i still want to know why a girl would continue to date i guy who rides a bike and makes her run behind after him...

[Just your average movie goer]

The thing with Japanese girls, Barend, is that unlike their counterparts in Western countries who try to find the perfect boyfriend, I think Japanese girls settle for a boy, because there's not a lot of choice. The majority of those guys are such assholes and misogynists.

In Japan, they don't like to say "I love you." very much either. I imagine that when a Japanese girl accepts a marriage proposal, she probably just says something like "Well, you are truly a total wanker and a prick. However, you are not the most terrible, disgusting human being in all existence either so I guess you'll do."

[barend]

It's like they meet a guy in a bar and go, well that guy over there seems much sweeter, but he's a whole 5 meters away and i just can't be bothered walking that far, so i guess i'm stuck with you...

[Just your average movie goer]

No seriously, there are very few nice guys in Japan. I knew a few of them myself and they were great guys... but when I was out and about, the majority of them were pricks.

And when you're nice to Japanese girls, they are just totally blown away by it. Seriously, many of these girls have never had an contact with decent guys. You should go over there, Barend. They'd be all over you.

They would have been all over me too - except I had already been spoken for....

working in Japan for a year, while my girlfriend lived across the sea in Korea. That's about as close to a real-life Temptation Island as you'd get.


Also, Barend. Many Japanese girls are gorgeous. However, I find that Korean women are more beautiful - but my opinion is probably a bit biased on the matter.


Anyway, there's some free advice for your girl-troubles, Barend.