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Worst Erotic Fan Fiction Contest A query to my fans

#1 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 03:01 PM

First of all, yes I am an arrogant prig for implying that I have fans. Second of all, I was talking to Slade on aol, which is where all of the sites updates come from (well, that and the video store). Somehow we got to talking about my old aborted erotic time travel novel about the guy who has sex with a toaster in Victorian England. Then we read some of the old HABITCWAS (Hitting a bear in the crotch with a salami stories for the unitiated) and noted a line about seaquest dsv furry slash fiction. I suddenly wrote some and from that the germs of a new contest were born.

However, unlike DofL or HABITCWAS, this one is a crime against humanity.

I was wondering if anyone is fucked up enough to compete in a contest to write the worst erotic fan fiction. The more embarassing it is to read the better.

Slade and I have agreed that if enough people participate THERE WILL BE A CASH PRIZE AND A PLAQUE SENT TO THE WINNER.

If there's decent interest I'll reveal criteria for judgement and maybe try to rustle up some judges. All entries will be published on Jelly Pufflemur.

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#2 User is offline   Dr Lecter Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 10:03 PM

I'm down for that.

This post has been edited by Dr Lecter: 29 April 2008 - 10:04 PM

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#3 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 10:35 PM

Welcome aboard Dr. Lecter. I'll give it a week and then get some rules up. Be sure to tell all your friend to write erotic fan fiction too. The weird looks are part of the prize!

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#4 User is offline   TheOrator Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 10:49 PM

I'm in.
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nooooo
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#5 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 11:07 PM

I might be in, but it doesn't seem like I'm eligible to win.

I also don't recall agreeing to cash prizes, just you making something to stick on someone's mantelpiece.
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#6 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 11:16 PM

Ok, I've gotten enough lunatics in on this from the general forums and other websites in just a few hours to decide that I'll do the contest. So that everyone can quickly get to work I'm posting the judging criteria. The only rule of the WEFFC is that THERE ARE NO RULES.

Criteria:

Material shall be judged on a 1 (low) to 10 (high) scale in the following categories:

Unlikelyhood/choice of protagonists: You can use any fictional or real source material you like. Unlikelyhood is how odd your choice of lovers is. Bush/Cheney fiction will recieve a low grade. Bush/Moore fiction will recieve higher, but it's not required to choose bizarre unions just to take this cat. You can also make a generally weird choice of protagonists and that can give you a ten in this category.

Number of shudders: The number of shudders the judges get from your work and the general weirdness thereof. Self explanatory. This is kind of an over all category.

Amount of weird sexual shit involved: Do characters change gender roles/sexual alignment? Will Legolas suddenly develop a love of bondage? Are you gutsy enough to write an expose on how much Abraham Lincoln liked Japanese school girls? If so you'll take this category.

Amount of general weird shit involved: Who the fuck cares if your arousing tale of lust is set in modern Texas. That's no reason not to involve ogres, time travel, aliens, unicorns or elves, all of whom are equally lusty.

So there you have it, four categories. Shudders is the category to take. You dont need to excel in all the categories to win it, but this is judged on overall score. I'll be travelling the internet to find worthy judges to make this a truly memorable (and awful) event.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#7 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 01:16 AM

This sounds like fun :-P I won't be writing any, but I can't wait to read them.
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#8 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 12:32 PM

You never challenge a furry to a weird shit writing contest. I'll do it, and I'll win that plaque!
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#9 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 12:55 PM

Spoon- Perhaps a judge's spot doth be in yon future?

Otal- Psh. You dont scare me. I invented the toaster molestation while time traveling in Victorian England genre.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#10 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 03:23 PM

Sure, I'll be a judge if you want. biggrin.gif That would be so much fun. Let me know.

Man, I have so many crazy ideas for this - I just don't want to do the part where I actually have to write the story out tongue.gif I bet you guys can make me think my ideas are as innocent as pink fluffy bunnies though!
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#11 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 04:17 PM

Just so long as those fluffy pink bunnies have crowns of penises and they spend their afternoons watching Oprah tentacle-rape virgin schoolgirls.
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#12 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 11:52 PM

Virgin schoolgirls with defecating penises for nipples, you mean.
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#13 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 01 May 2008 - 05:40 PM

Ah, yes, of course. I don't think I'm weird enough for this contest, clearly. I was trying to work on an idea that involved group sex with the members of the Travelling Willburys (when they were all alive), after a night of dark beer and cabbage. I was having trouble making it much odder than that (hell, that may have happened).

PS: Slade, I really don't get that Garfield comic. Is it obtuse to find a joke made in Garfield too obscure?
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#14 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 01 May 2008 - 10:11 PM

It's the comic with Garfield edited out, so it looks like John is, depending on the comic, insane or filled with existentialist nougat.

IE:


This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 01 May 2008 - 10:20 PM

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#15 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 01 May 2008 - 11:55 PM

Nonsense, Civ. You have some wonderfully terrible ideas!

I think Jon Arbuckle being a crazy, existential, pathetic everyman is hilarious, poignant, or a mix of both, depending on the situation. The strip in my signature is a snapshot into the random craziness. The image also links to the actual comic.


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