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Zero Punctuation - The Witcher

#1 User is offline   Dannysaysnoo Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:08 PM

THIS IS A MUMORPUGER!

Also, the ending was awesome.

This post has been edited by Dannysaysnoo: 23 January 2008 - 12:13 PM

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#2 User is offline   Jenx Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:24 PM

That.....was weird.
QUOTE (Ninja Duck @ Jan 15 2008, 05:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And the film should be shot in sepia, because real life was in sepia in the 1990s.
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#3 User is offline   Casual Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:47 PM

Well paint me confused.
QUOTE (arien @ Jun 29 2008, 03:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So this baby, while still inside its mother, murdered his twin brother and STOLE HIS PENIS.

That is one badass baby.

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#4 User is offline   Sniffles Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:48 PM

That Painkiller intro redub thing was amazing. It came out of nowhere. And there it was. I enjoyed it.

But this review slightly turned me off from playing The Witcher. I've been kind of looking forward to trying it, and I guess I still do, because sometimes I like boring games.


Good going, Dad!
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#5 User is offline   Jenx Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:52 PM

I think Yahtzee kinda overdid it this time. I haven't played the Witcher, but from what I've read and heard, it's actually a pretty capable RPG. Also, since Yahtzee doesn't seem to like role playing games, I do wonder why he keeps insisting on reviewing them? It's a bit too easy to think up shit to say about a game from a genre you don't like that much.
QUOTE (Ninja Duck @ Jan 15 2008, 05:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And the film should be shot in sepia, because real life was in sepia in the 1990s.
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#6 User is offline   Sniffles Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 12:55 PM

QUOTE (Jenx @ Jan 23 2008, 12:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think Yahtzee kinda overdid it this time. I haven't played the Witcher, but from what I've read and heard, it's actually a pretty capable RPG. Also, since Yahtzee doesn't seem to like role playing games, I do wonder why he keeps insisting on reviewing them? It's a bit too easy to think up shit to say about a game from a genre you don't like that much.


I may be wrong, but doesn't it have to do with him reviewing games The Escapist picks out for him? But I agree, he seems to give similar critique for every rpg he reviews: Too wordy/boring. That's kinda the point of rpgs, innit?
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#7 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 01:10 PM

I think there are RPGs he likes. I'm fond of good RPGs, and I deleted witcher when I was around the middle of act 2 for being a boring pile of crap, loading screens, system crashes and blatantly nerd-bait sex cards. Also, it may be just me, but the English translation didn't make sense at some places.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 23 January 2008 - 01:11 PM

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#8 User is offline   Casual Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 01:59 PM

I generally like some of the same western style RPG's that Yahtzee apparently plays KOTOR and the like so if he says the game is a pile of arse I'll take his word for it. More than anything else I hate it when a game tries to bribe me with pictures of pixelated tits in exchange for putting up with a boring poorly designed game. It’s just a real insult to my intelligence when developers do that.
QUOTE (arien @ Jun 29 2008, 03:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So this baby, while still inside its mother, murdered his twin brother and STOLE HIS PENIS.

That is one badass baby.

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#9 User is offline   a Nurgaling Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 03:37 PM

Yatzie should realy do more animations like that that was hilarious.
Also first post, hi everyone, hi.
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#10 User is offline   Jenx Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 03:44 PM

Yahtzee already has a lot of animations like that, and hi. I think you spelled "Nurgling" wrong.
QUOTE (Ninja Duck @ Jan 15 2008, 05:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And the film should be shot in sepia, because real life was in sepia in the 1990s.
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#11 User is offline   SoloWingPhoenix Icon

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Posted 23 January 2008 - 07:40 PM

That's exactly why I'm so glad Mass Effect didn't try to sell itself on the sex, because if it had, then rather than thoroughly enjoying it as I did, I probably would have wanted to slap myself for paying $60 for animated soft-core, sometimes interspecies, porn.

Oh, and hi guys. I'm new.

This post has been edited by SoloWingPhoenix: 23 January 2008 - 07:41 PM

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#12 User is offline   Plainclothesman Icon

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Posted 24 January 2008 - 12:46 AM

This is the first review of Yahtzee's that I've disagreed with almost utterly. Almost. I'll concur with him about the obnoxious sex component, but it's not as big a part of the game as he implies here.

I can't blame him for the negative review, really, because the game doesn't pick up until the end of the second chapter and if I'd only played through part of the first I'd probably think the same. My first impressions weren't much different. To be honest I was hoping he wouldn't end up reviewing this because I was certain he'd just play the early portion of the game which really isn't representative of its strengths at all. I guess my fears were justified.

Everything after the second chapter, though? Best damn game I've played in years. There, I said it. Fuck all of you philistines.

This post has been edited by Plainclothesman: 24 January 2008 - 12:47 AM

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#13 User is offline   Lecca Icon

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Posted 24 January 2008 - 03:13 AM

QUOTE (Plainclothesman @ Jan 24 2008, 03:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is the first review of Yahtzee's that I've disagreed with almost utterly. Almost. I'll concur with him about the obnoxious sex component, but it's not as big a part of the game as he implies here.

I can't blame him for the negative review, really, because the game doesn't pick up until the end of the second chapter and if I'd only played through part of the first I'd probably think the same. My first impressions weren't much different. To be honest I was hoping he wouldn't end up reviewing this because I was certain he'd just play the early portion of the game which really isn't representative of its strengths at all. I guess my fears were justified.

Everything after the second chapter, though? Best damn game I've played in years. There, I said it. Fuck all of you philistines.


I just entered chapter V today. The Fire is awesome - The fact that I went Neutral and everyone with a weapon and half a brain attacking me - Mmm Not so. But I'll deal. Anyway, I've loved all of the reveiws he's done and agreed with most, but like you Plainclothesman, this is where our opinoins split.

So far I've loved the witcher, Enjoyed the story. The load screens and occasional crashes do suck - I find sometimes in a scene where they're alot of people it freaks out and closes but loading up for the first time doesn't take that long, I've seen much worse. *cough*NWN2*cough*
But this is the most bearable RPG I've played for along time. And even being a lady myself, I find the humour of the sex cards, and well, Maybe I did start actively going after them - I was kinda wondering when the girls would stop grabbing for me, But it seems I haven't reached it yet. (But my user, Shani and Triss are terrible, I don't want to be with any of them, Why couldn't I have been with someone not stupid like Abigail?)

Anyway, Witcher is all about your preferance, You'll either like it, or you won't.

This post has been edited by Lecca: 24 January 2008 - 03:26 AM

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#14 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 24 January 2008 - 03:38 AM

Well, if the game doesn't pick up until the first third is over, the rest can be "fan-dabby-babulous" for all I care.

Another major turnoff for me (apart from what I previously mentioned) was the overcomplicated interface, and the inventory items that were like 3x3 pixels big and made my eyeballs hang on their stems.

Also, faffing about in the city waiting for the NPC to get the fuck over to his designated spot which my journal gives me, because someone is available only on a certain time of day <--- uncool. No wonder they said 80 hours of gameplay.
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#15 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 24 January 2008 - 06:57 AM

Personally, I loved the game. I found the early game a bit rough(as thick as Yahtzee makes the manual out to be, it seems to cover the obvious and gloss over the important parts), but once you get the hang of it it was very fun. The world is brilliantly crafted and the political back-happenings are great. Everybody has their own motives and reasons for doing things, most of which aren't clear to you in the slightest until you do some digging(hence why the game picks up about mid chapter 2). The decisions were good, though not enough in the way of consequences if I'm going to be truly honest. I expected a few of my choices to come back and bite me in the ass later on, but they never eventuated. Then again, others did in unexpected ways. As for Yahtzee's comments on the swearing, I thought it did a good job of setting the atmosphere. Most people don't swear, but when those that did did, it fit in. I'd strongly recommend the game myself. The only real problem with it is the loading screens.
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
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