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Yahtzee's Reviews I think I need to change my pants.

#1 User is offline   Legion Icon

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Posted 09 January 2008 - 11:00 AM

Just finished reading though some of Yahtzee's reviews. No, not Zero Punctuation, the older ones. I have been laughing myself stupid the entire time. Imagine my delight when I found he shares my dislike of Anne Rice, the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie and Star Trek Nemesis; much less doing it in such a way that made several of my neighbours to inquire if I needed someone to call an ambulance. The one that really made me howl with mirth until my computer screen was splattered and my cat was fearfully hiding under the sofa however, was his review of the movie Stairs. I used to review stuff like that professionally myself (in hindsight, it was probably the coolest job anybody could hope for) and seeing Yahtzee take the piss out of it was a wholly life-changing experience; that being that after laughing for so long I'm now asthmatic. Yahtzee you are a comedic arsekicker and a god in your own right.

And in case either Yahtzee himself or someone else who noticed the reference reads this: Runaway City was just plain frickin' WEIRD. At least Season of Sakura had a storyline that didn't adhere to the typical "generic hero with strange ability/psychological issue boning everything that moves" that is prevalent in so much anime and besides. Anybody who argues that's only in hentai, I call Love Hina, Elfen Lied and Tenchi Muyo to the stand.

The final kudos on that review however, was the picture collection near the end; simply for the song lyrics Yahtzee posted above them. Being rather muscially-inclined myself meant that merely reading them was enough to make me put the song in question before scrolling down - suffice it to say I fell off my chair.

So all in all; people, you must read this stuff. Read it and laugh, it is of the awesomeness.
I'm not pessimistic; I've just realised that the light at the end of the tunnel is an incoming train.
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#2 User is offline   Snake Logan Icon

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Posted 09 January 2008 - 11:08 AM

QUOTE
Well, she could have mentioned that before impaling herself on his solid snake, but I guess she was too busy worrying about where she can find some Biactol for that growth on her face.


The funniest thing I have read so far.
Word Vault
A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded
I am an honorary Crogerse.
QUOTE (Game Over @ Feb 14 2008, 07:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee, you are the Oscar Wilde of the 21st century.

QUOTE (Patch @ Feb 14 2008, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yahtzee is gay?!
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#3 User is offline   Sartain Icon

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Posted 09 January 2008 - 03:40 PM

For a short moment, I thought Yathzee had been the reviewer for Something Awfuls Awful Anime section... Those are fun
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#4 User is offline   Ninja Duck Icon

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Posted 09 January 2008 - 09:08 PM

QUOTE (Legion @ Jan 9 2008, 11:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So all in all; people, you must read this stuff. Read it and laugh, it is of the awesomeness.


Yeah, but nowadays you don't get noticed unless you make animations.
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#5 User is offline   rippa32 Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 09:52 AM

QUOTE (Legion @ Jan 10 2008, 02:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just finished reading though some of Yahtzee's reviews. No, not Zero Punctuation, the older ones. I have been laughing myself stupid the entire time. Imagine my delight when I found he shares my dislike of Anne Rice, the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie and Star Trek Nemesis; much less doing it in such a way that made several of my neighbours to inquire if I needed someone to call an ambulance. The one that really made me howl with mirth until my computer screen was splattered and my cat was fearfully hiding under the sofa however, was his review of the movie Stairs. I used to review stuff like that professionally myself (in hindsight, it was probably the coolest job anybody could hope for) and seeing Yahtzee take the piss out of it was a wholly life-changing experience; that being that after laughing for so long I'm now asthmatic. Yahtzee you are a comedic arsekicker and a god in your own right.

And in case either Yahtzee himself or someone else who noticed the reference reads this: Runaway City was just plain frickin' WEIRD. At least Season of Sakura had a storyline that didn't adhere to the typical "generic hero with strange ability/psychological issue boning everything that moves" that is prevalent in so much anime and besides. Anybody who argues that's only in hentai, I call Love Hina, Elfen Lied and Tenchi Muyo to the stand.

The final kudos on that review however, was the picture collection near the end; simply for the song lyrics Yahtzee posted above them. Being rather muscially-inclined myself meant that merely reading them was enough to make me put the song in question before scrolling down - suffice it to say I fell off my chair.

So all in all; people, you must read this stuff. Read it and laugh, it is of the awesomeness.


You say you reviewed them proffesionally? You wouldn't be the guy from somethingawful would you?
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#6 User is offline   Legion Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 12:03 PM

QUOTE (rippa32 @ Jan 10 2008, 09:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You say you reviewed them proffesionally? You wouldn't be the guy from somethingawful would you?


To be truthful I wouldn't know. I reviewed for archivehentai.net (a former employee there was once a dear friend of mine; and I made the mistake of informing him I was indebted to him. He called in this favor when he required a series of games and such reviewed post haste). I have been told that several of the reviews I've written have appeared on other sites; according to one friend, one of the more... blunt ones was on Rotten.com for a brief amount of time. To my knowledge I don't think my writings are on somethingawful (I have never actually been there) but all things considered it wouldn't surprise me. If I could be arsed looking I may do so. Re-reading past works such as these is rather akin to re-reading a story you wrote when you were in primary school; somewhat embarrassing as you wonder, what the hell was I thinking?

Anyway, steering the conversation away from my dutifuly detailed debauchery for deeds duly done and delivered. Has anyone read the review of Hellraiser 2 yet?
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#7 User is offline   Casual Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 12:28 PM

I've read most of his old stuff already the ones that realy made me laugh were the "why it would kick arse to be" series the Arnold Rimmer one especially well worth a read if you're bored.
QUOTE (arien @ Jun 29 2008, 03:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So this baby, while still inside its mother, murdered his twin brother and STOLE HIS PENIS.

That is one badass baby.

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#8 User is offline   Legion Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 12:35 PM

That one was quite good. One of my favourites in the list is How To Hail A Bus. Being somewhat of an anime nut, A Cautionary Tale made me laugh.

Thank mercy life isn't really like that, or I would have been stabbed to death by supporting characters' mothers at least fifteen times by now. Anybody who gets the reference is entitled to a half-arsed cheer.
I'm not pessimistic; I've just realised that the light at the end of the tunnel is an incoming train.
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Posted 10 January 2008 - 12:48 PM

The realy worrying thing is that when reading the how to hail a bus article I found my self thinking more or less everything he's written here has crossed my mind when on a bus. This and a conversation with one of my mates has led us to believe that bus travel is pretty much the most socialy awkward thing you will experiance in your life. With the possible exeption of your first date.
QUOTE (arien @ Jun 29 2008, 03:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So this baby, while still inside its mother, murdered his twin brother and STOLE HIS PENIS.

That is one badass baby.

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#10 User is offline   Legion Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 01:27 PM

That, and I actually do hail the buses with the so-quaintly labeled Flat Spank.

Whereas my younger sister does so with the Non-Committal.

It took me a while to recover from that one.
I'm not pessimistic; I've just realised that the light at the end of the tunnel is an incoming train.
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#11 User is offline   Dannysaysnoo Icon

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Posted 10 January 2008 - 03:25 PM

I still use Brenda. No one stops a bus like her.
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Posted 10 January 2008 - 04:54 PM

Mine's halfway between non-commital and flat spank. I extend my arm obviously with my hand in a relaxed position, but not so curled.
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Posted 11 January 2008 - 01:38 AM

I stand at the sign and wait, the bus stops. Where I live, there is no need for hailing a bus!
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Posted 11 January 2008 - 02:23 AM

I have never ridden on a bus. Chalk that up to the massive number of things I've never done. I have, however, ridden a train.
We're whalers on the moon
We carry a harpoon
But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales
And sing a whaling tune

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#15 User is offline   Joey Icon

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Posted 11 January 2008 - 03:11 AM

Never a bus? Heh.
Strange.
I think Yahtzee missed one. The all-important fuck-it-there-goes-my-bus whilst chasing after it manic flailing of the arms.
I don't think I can cook up a name for that particular manouever.
Smashed up my sanity.
Smashed up my integrity.
Smashed up what I believed in,
Smashed up what's left of me.
Smashed up my everything,
Smashed up all I thought was true,
'gonna smash myself to pieces,
I don't know what else to do.
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