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Dating & Relationships Lounge

#46 User is offline   Emu Icon

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 03:30 PM

agreed with most of what Spoon said, plus SHE TOOK PHONE CALLS DURING A DATE?!? never, never, never - in my opinion, that's quite possibly the rudest thing you can do. turn your phone off - you can talk to your friends on the phone anytime, but it's not every day you go on a date. not only is it disrespectful to your date (it gives the message that you'd rather be talking to other people right now) but it's also disrespectful to the other people in the restaurant - nothing's more obnoxious than having your nice peaceful dinner out interrupted by the loud cell phone conversation happening at the next table over.
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#47 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 04:23 PM

Yeah, I forgot that part. I agree with Emu on the phone thing.

Also, OP, you're coming off as a leetle crazy what with your constant references to marriage. It's been one date. Any normal girl get a whiff of what you're saying to us, after one date and two weeks of phone/internet correspondence? She'd bolt. But then, this one did give her home address to you after never having met you, so who knows - maybe she's already picking out the cake. *shudder*
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#48 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 06:00 PM

OK, so we're not going to change your mind and you're sure this gal just might be "the one." You're invoking the "sickness and health" clause to justify a SECOND DATE, so I guess this is something you need. So go for it. I try to keep in mind that all of the negatives I have are based on your own report, so maybe your first post on the topic was biased that way.

Naturally I agree with Spoon that all of this marriage talk is ridiculous after one date, that this girl is too self-centred to be worth an $80 tab (first dates by the way shouldn't ever cost real money, so I hope you're not on minimum wage or anything), that talk of past relationships is verboten, etc. But I disagree that she may not really have a medical reason for the pills. Lots of people are so self-centred that they will unload all of their shit to any and every complete stranger they meet. This is never to be taken in a good way ("she's so honest!"). This is always to be taken in a bad way ("she never listens!").

Anyway, I know you'll disagree. I've been here before. Do what you're gonna do and let us know how it works out.

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#49 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 07:14 PM

Well, if you insist on it, best of luck.

Anyone care to put money on this? Personally I'm of the mind that you're confusing love with lust. But hey, what do I know? I'm a seventeen year old with a girlfriend I met online.
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#50 User is offline   Snake Logan Icon

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 07:29 PM

QUOTE (Spoon Poetic @ Jan 1 2008, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, I forgot that part. I agree with Emu on the phone thing.

Also, OP, you're coming off as a leetle crazy what with your constant references to marriage. It's been one date. Any normal girl get a whiff of what you're saying to us, after one date and two weeks of phone/internet correspondence? She'd bolt. But then, this one did give her home address to you after never having met you, so who knows - maybe she's already picking out the cake. *shudder*


Any normal/average/mundane western girl would do that. His date is from a foreign culture.

This post has been edited by Snake Logan: 31 December 2007 - 07:30 PM

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#51 User is offline   Legion Icon

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Posted 01 January 2008 - 06:37 PM

I've just got to agree with everybody here. At first I allowed leeway for the medication thing as I do know several people who are on anxiety meds and who do talk about it (mild anxiety DOES allow, to a greater or lesser degree) and everyone needs someone to talk to - I merely assumed however that this new gal was a little more inclined towards naivety. After reading the subsequent posts however I do believe I have changed my mind.

princesskadee, that is exactly what I was hinting at. Bravo. Not to say that all women are golddiggers until proven otherwise, but a little prudence never hurt anybody. Discretion is the better part of valour, after all. I was also referring to emotional stress that may build up from having a partner who demands to be the epicentre of your very universe.

Spoon Poetic: I applaud you. Damn good points, each and every one of them.

Right, now for the tricky part. Optimus, listen well my friend. Your last post provided more information and not much of it was good. This gal sounds like she could pass as a twin for the aforementioned mistake I nearly made - and if this goes the same way you can expect arguments, yelling and emotional blackmail before this month is out. Particularly if you keep on with the marriage thing so soon; I can understand that you might be borderline desperate for that significant other we read so much about in fairy tales; but what you're doing is parallel to running down the hill stark naked while frothing at the mouth and howling to the moon. For mercy's sake man stop and think about everything that could go wrong.

Because it's going to be everything that WILL go wrong if you don't get a grip.

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#52 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 02 January 2008 - 02:44 PM

It's bad form to answer any calls during a date, as it is to complain about exes so prolific, and to advertise your medications, and ask to go to the most expensive restaurant around. I'd not recommend any sex because that puts you at risk for codependency at best, and the skin-sweater treatment at worst. And you may say that you'd never yell at her, but that will definitely change after you've been dating for a while and all of the things she does that you really don't like start bothering you.

Mostly, I agree with what a lot of people have been saying. Good luck, but try to distance yourself and think with your head (not the one in your pants).
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#53 User is offline   Dorothy Icon

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Posted 02 January 2008 - 05:38 PM

QUOTE (optimus_prime @ Dec 31 2007, 12:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i dont get the impression that she is psycho like many posters are implying. i do however get the impression that she is troubled in her life...
OP: Honey, "troubled" is two steps from "psycho." devil.gif

You seem to have set your mind to date, love and marry her... but this is what bothered me about your story:

You use "love" words too often and FAR too early. You were first in love with Kim, now you feel yourself falling for Thi. You should re-evaluate what you think you are feeling, and label it like it is. You feel attracted to her for her beauty. You feel for her past experiences, so you feel that you can protect her, and that you will treat her better than her ex. You feel that you could support her in any addiction that she may have. Great. These are all elements of a lifelong love, BUT they of themselves do not constitute the caliber of love that you are professing to have. For you to profess undying affection for her after one date and some phone conversations just opens yourself up to be hurt and taken advantage of (even if you think she is incapable of it). You are attracted to her on many levels (which is ok), but you shouldn't make the decision to love someone until you have seen them at their best and their worst.

I'm not saying that you are wrong for your attractions to her, nor am I going to go as far as to say that she is a demon-spawn gold-digger, but I will say that you need more time to KNOW her before you decide that you are going to LOVE her.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves... people shouldn't even THINK about saying "love" until it is 100% true. Value yourself and the other person enough to be honest about how you feel.
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#54 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 02 January 2008 - 05:51 PM

I think the problem with most diagnoses of the misuse of "love" is that folks think it's being mistaken with "lust." Like, he wants to bone her, so he builds up this romantic illusion. I think in most cases that's not it. More likely, he feels a gap in his life, he's lonely, whatever, and he has a romantic illusion about the sort of perfect life he'd have with the right girl (women do this too). So then he meets a nice girl and forces her into this template. Any setback, like she's a Cthulhu-worshipping nutbag, and he just figures he needs to get to know her better; maybe their hobbies can meet halfway. The need to create the romantic life he's already decided on takes away any of the usual selectiveness people exercise when meeting possible romantic partners.

I think the most successful dating experiences are the ones that began as simple meetings, with casual discovery of common interests, not as contrived "love" interactions. But that's just me and the things I've seen.
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#55 User is offline   Dorothy Icon

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Posted 02 January 2008 - 06:28 PM

People fall in love with the idea of being in love. They think that every one is the one, so they use the word "love," and it no longer means what it should.

Society, family, even single people themselves put so much pressure on the "date" that we forget that it is supposed to be fun.

QUOTE (civilian_number_two @ Jan 2 2008, 03:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
... and he has a romantic illusion about the sort of perfect life he'd have with the right girl (women do this too)...
What? Women never do that... rolleyes.gif It really is a shame. People would be a whole lot saner if they would just look at people like they really are, because there would be fewer unmet expectations.

This post has been edited by Dorothy: 02 January 2008 - 06:29 PM

"The problem is, you're not a kangaroo... that's a bear... and he's in your pants."
"Maybe artists shouldn't talk about their art."
"Well kids, I guess your father isn't a hermaphrodite."
"Izzy! enough with the rabid smootching!!"
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