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Utter bastards of impossible games from your childhood.

#1 User is offline   Spann Icon

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Posted 08 November 2007 - 08:35 AM

Inspired by the battletoads thread knocking around in the Games Room, I propose that in this thread we all post games from our childhoods that were absolutely impossible, and talk a little about them. I will offer up the first:



Mission: Impossible


I have never played a game with a truer title. Seriously, this game was hard. I can't be bothered writing a cohesive block of text, so instead I will bullet point every little annoyance this game serves up:

You began the game with four characters, all pathetically useless except one.

Absolutely every single person in the street is an enemy, except for some which aren't, even though they look like they are.

If you accidentally kill one of the afore mentioned 'non-enemy' enemies, you die. That's it.

Never a single fucking clue as to what's meant to be happening.

Switch pressing 'puzzles' are entirely luck based, and if you pull the wrong one, you're up slack alley, as hordes of rampaging spy things burst into the room and bugger your guy senseless.

One of your guys can make himself look like the enemy. However, the enemy don't seem to think that this is a barrier to recognising him and murdering him.

Something horrible about going down lots of stairs that I don't fully remember.

On the box there were loads of kickass looking bits with speedboats and skis and stuff. I never saw any of these, because this fucking wall kept moving and pushing me into the apparently murderous toxic gunge that runs under the streets of Moscow (I think) on the first level.

The cars that drive up and down the streets are, for one, fucking enormous, and secondly, driven by murderous bastards who NEVER EVER SLOW DOWN. Not even when they've sent you spinning into a wall to your death. The twats.

Still, all these things never stopped me from playing the game over and over again, desperately trying to get to the boat or the skiing level. However I've heard they're pretty shit too, so ah well.
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#2 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 08 November 2007 - 08:50 AM

Golgo 13 is so impossible I think there are places where if you do something wrong (where it's never mentioned what you're supposed to do at all), the game just endlessly loops in that scene, and you can't do anything except reset the game to escape.
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#3 User is offline   Ninja Duck Icon

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Posted 08 November 2007 - 01:01 PM

I don't know if this counts, but I found the boogeyman from King's Quest VII to be WAY too frightening when I was a kid. I mean, he could just jump out of nowhere and eat you! For no reason!
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#4 User is offline   looktothesky Icon

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Posted 08 November 2007 - 04:16 PM

QUOTE (Ninja Duck @ Nov 8 2007, 01:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't know if this counts, but I found the boogeyman from King's Quest VII to be WAY too frightening when I was a kid. I mean, he could just jump out of nowhere and eat you! For no reason!


I totally agree. That was terrifying. lol.
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#5 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 08 November 2007 - 04:30 PM

Marble Madness. I could get up to like, level 5 (rarely, though) and then it was impossible. Never knew anyone else who could get that far, either.
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#6 User is offline   Professor Saucy Icon

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Posted 09 November 2007 - 02:52 AM

I grew up in the pussy era so I was never really presented with the insane challenges that you guys had :<

Although I didn't beat that level in Goldeneye where you have to protect Natalya until I was 16.
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#7 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 09 November 2007 - 03:21 AM

Man, trying to complete the Aztec mission on 00 was insane. I think it was to open up the "All Guns" or "Infinite Ammo" cheat, so of course I had to do it. Protecting Natalya on 00 in the expected time was pretty crazy too, but I enjoyed that one. That was for some cheat or other. I can't really remember which levels opened up which cheats anymore. I played Pefect Dark recently, and it's funny how quickly you lose game skills. I used to be able to complete every level on the "perfect" setting, and suddenly I was having trouble getting even halfway. Of course, I can always blame the contrioller; it's hard to find one that's not a little messed up now.

I remember some of the Mega Man releases being nuts. I won't mention Ghosts and Goblins, because that's a cliche.
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#8 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 09 November 2007 - 09:05 AM

Good old Waxworks for PC. This game isn't hard because you need ninja skills to survive the battles in it or anything (although the battles can get pretty frustrating after a while, indeed), but because it Shanghai'd the good old Sierra dead-man-walking puzzle system. (Also, I played it first when I was like 12 and my language skills were severely limited, although that's more of a private problem.) Plenty of opportunities to fuck things up irreversibly, and you only find out about it like 2 hours later at the given level's final puzzle, when you realize you're missing a critical item, which might or might not have been located in a secret cache you'd missed in the corridor you've blown up to be able to progress. Even with a walkthrough, that game was incredibly difficult, especially the Jack the Ripper level, where policemen and torch-waving mobs are out to introduce your head to the pavement.
There are no minor fuckups or fuckups that are brought to your attention right after you commit them. This game was such a ridiculously hard piece of mindfuckery that I actually completed it out of pure willpower and hatred (with a walkthrough).

However, the Elvira games from the same company are even harder, so I haven't been able to get through those so far.
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#9 User is offline   mireaux7 Icon

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Posted 13 November 2007 - 11:54 PM

Contra III-The Alien Wars..a fantastic game, but I have only got to the last level. Those of you who have played it will be recall aliens jumping out from every crevice inside the alien's belly attacking you

Donkey Kong 2, P-Diddy's Quest. I am still stuck on the toxic tower level of this game,..i cant get my snake to jump up on to one of the friggin platforms, he keeps falling into the acidic slime below.

Final Fantasy,.any of them.. I still have never beaten any final fantasy game

Legend of dragoon. theres this level where this guy keeps rolling bombs out of these chests,..hard as hell to beat.
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#10 User is offline   CJ Marren Icon

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Posted 14 November 2007 - 08:59 AM

Mario Land 1 on the GameBoy, never actually finished the motherfucker... and I have it 15 years! Kid Icarus was easy though.

Also, never finished ShadowMan on the PS, but it was crap! I think the final level of Driver deserves a mention!
<!--quoteo(post=174818:date=Oct 14 2007, 09:43 AM:name=Cobnat)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Cobnat @ Oct 14 2007, 09:43 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=174818"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--fonto:Microsoft Sans Serif--><span style="font-family:Microsoft Sans Serif"><!--/fonto--><!--sizeo:2--><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro-->Lets all have sex with robots until our groins are sore and bloody!<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--><!--fontc--></span><!--/fontc--><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

<!--quoteo(post=169306:date=Aug 10 2007, 11:03 AM:name=Legion)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Legion @ Aug 10 2007, 11:03 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=169306"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--fonto:Arial--><span style="font-family:Arial"><!--/fonto--><!--coloro:#483D8B--><span style="color:#483D8B"><!--/coloro--><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->So why the unholy flying purple donkeypunching fuck will it not work on yours? Just what kind of machine are you running there? Your toaster?<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--fontc--></span><!--/fontc--><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

And the man again!
<!--quoteo(post=180859:date=Jan 16 2008, 02:29 PM:name=Legion)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Legion @ Jan 16 2008, 02:29 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=180859"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->In my opinion it's saying, fuck the lightsabers and special effects and fuck your voiceovers and fuck your stupid multimilliondollar game studios; you don't need any of those to make brilliant and scary games that will fuck with your head.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

<u><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF8C00--><span style="color:#FF8C00"><!--/coloro-->My Getting Huge Progress (Gym and weight gain diet)<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></u>
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#11 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 14 November 2007 - 12:42 PM

QUOTE (CJ Marren @ Nov 14 2007, 02:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Mario Land 1 on the GameBoy, never actually finished the motherfucker... and I have it 15 years! Kid Icarus was easy though.

Really? To me it worked the other way around. I got as far as the last boss in Kid Icarus, and I decided to drop the thing when the boss only transformed after I died like 3 times.

Although I agree with Mario 1 being a motherfucker as well, with its flea-fart sized sprites you have to be surgically pixel-perfect with your jumps. The ending doesn't excuse the frustration you have to go through either.
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#12 User is offline   princesskadee Icon

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Posted 14 November 2007 - 01:01 PM

mario land was easy to me. you have to remember that mario land was basically the best interpretation of super mario bros that the original gameboy could to at the time..and it is also one of the oldest gameboy titles around...its almost 20 yrs old!...circa 1989.

taking all of that into consideration, its still a great title. i love the levels where mario is in the sub and plane..sweet shoot-em-up action.

someone mentioned driver for psone..man..i still cant pass the garage test to get out of the garage. ha ha

robocop! now theres a hard ass game. youre walking around really slow,..like a snail with constipation..and everyone in the world is shooting bullets at you,..and you take damage at every turn..thats if you manage to turn your bulky ass around in time to try to retaliate,.but you cant,..cause your this 2 ton metal retard that just stumbles around taking hits from everyone.
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#13 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 14 November 2007 - 02:30 PM

The Silver Surfer for the Nintendo, anyone? That, without any exaggeration, is the hardest, most frustrating game I've ever played (action-wise). Imagine Contra with less lives, more hazards on-screen and having to start the whole level all over when you die.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 14 November 2007 - 02:35 PM

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#14 User is offline   sesame_street_hustler Icon

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Posted 14 November 2007 - 04:48 PM

silver surfer,,.nope never played it,.but from the sounds of it..sounds like some crap that LJN put out. they are known for producing a host of crappy NES titles.
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#15 User is offline   reiner Icon

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Posted 16 November 2007 - 08:18 AM

Can you actually beat Bubble Bobble? For real?
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