[joshofalltrades]

Because I'm bored, let's tear this piece of shit apart.

DOOM: Repercussions of Evil

OK, first of all, nobody cares. Stop talking.

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

If only "Cernel Joson" had listened before it was too late for now! At least later, it won't be too late. For now, anyway.

John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"

Did John's father turn into Stephen Hawking in the middle of his sentence? You know, when I was a kid I used to hang around airports all the time. No apparent reason. Then, I said to my dad "I want to be on the planes daddy."

Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY STEWARDESS"

There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.

This paragraph is an excellent example of how you can make ANY word betterer by putting extra letters in it. Also, I like the new verb here: "crackered". The radio in this case is imitating a very white man. "Honkied" and "albinoed" would also have been acceptable.

"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

Holy fucking shit, that twist blew me away. Anybody else on the edge of their seat? It was actually pretty educational, too! If a radio tells me I'm "the demons", suddenly I'll be a zombie! Maybe I can use this to my advantage by placing a radio in the home of the durrr-monger who wrote this and telling him HE'S "the demons". Somehow I don't think much would change.

[Gekko]

Heh, my friend said today: "Ben Croshaw is my new god and Zero Punctuation my new bible." Seems like yet another Yahtzee fanboy has shown up.

[?!!]

I suggest he becomes a recluse.

[Professor Saucy]

I can't tell if you guys are being sarcastic, but just to be on the safe side, I didn't write that.


Also, I do have to admit that I only found out about Yahtzee when he reviewed Bioshock. I like his videos because he seems to be the only reviewer in the universe who actually offers his opinion from the standpoint of a gamer, unlike magazines that cater specifically to a console or mainstream trash sites like GameSpot.

FullyRamblomatic is pretty cool, too. I love 5 Days a Stranger.

This post has been edited by Professor Saucy: 05 October 2007 - 08:36 PM

[Professor Saucy]

I will always laugh at that fanfiction no matter what because it is one of the greatest things the internet has ever given me

[Patch]

Yeah, his description was inadequate. Halo is quite a bit more in depth than that. But all the cutscenes can be skipped.

Of course it's inaquerate. I'm an idiot doped up on fury over the fact that someone is critiquing a games plot without knowing what they're on about. If you can't tell, I'm inconsistent at times. Most times.

I've yet to play Halo 3 so I can't really comment.
DooM had a storyline too. It was actually quite deep, but it's not an important aspect to play the game. Some people like story though.
And then there's the brainwashed consumerist Xbox 'tards.

If you liked the other halos you'll like Halo 3. It's nice.
I never played Doom 3. I have only played Knee Deep In Dead, Shores Of Hell, Inferno (the first Doom, more or less), Doom 2 and Doom 3: Ressurection of Evil. Getting Doom 3: Resurrection of evil was a mistake when I went to get Doom 3.

[Thaluikhain]

I think they did the atmosphere better in Doom2 that in Duke3d.

Or maybe it was the lack of exceedingly wankerish macho crap said every 15 seconds in Doom2.

[bobsickle]

Wanker?

I was thinking the same. Anyway, think back to the whole thing about "How can Yahtzee review Halo 3 without playing 1 and 2?!" and I have your answer, in terms of console gamers (not necessarily those who are retarded, some of us can't AFFORD £1000 PCs!!!). Imagine you've been playing a PS2 for a long time, and want to get into HD gaming, and Microsoft has convinced you that their new console is a better option than Sony's (no fanboyism, see) so you buy an XBox 360 and now you want some games. Now, which game is getting the most hype right now? Halo 3, of course! So you buy it, and you haven't played an XBox or PC before, but you're into HD gaming now, so why the hell would you buy a couple of last gen games? Halo 1 and Halo 2 aren't going to appeal to people who've played PS2 and just want into HD gaming, not last gen gaming, might I add! I've repeated myself several times during this for a reason - to make sure all those retards out there get it into their thick skulls that a game shouldn't rely on the user having played its predecessors!!!!! Thankyou, you may now tear my theory to shreds if you wish, but that doesn't make you intelligent, it just makes you sad bastard! Yes, this post requires thought also. If you don't understand it, you don't deserve to. (It doesn't require a lot of thought!)

This post has been edited by bobsickle: 06 October 2007 - 04:46 AM

[Thaluikhain]

I think someone needs a hug.

Or, alternatively, more British comedy genius to cheer you up:

http://www.youtube.c...I...ted&search=

[bobsickle]

I think someone needs a hug.

Or, alternatively, more British comedy genius to cheer you up:

http://www.youtube.c...I...ted&search=

I now feel embarrassed to be British... I hate you now! I would've preferred the hug! *Cries about S Club 7 related nightmares*
*Continues watching however, just because that blonde one is really fit...* Goddammit!
And I don't care whether the hug was directed at me or not, I probably need it now...! AAAHH!!!! Bloody songs....!!!!

This post has been edited by bobsickle: 06 October 2007 - 06:03 AM

[El Presedente]

Cough Cough

http://fanfiction.ytmnd.com/

Man you guys are behind, this is like a year old.

[mireaux7]

I'd rather have a copy of Shadow of the Colossus jammed stiffly up my arse than hear another Haloboy tell me about how good Halo is.

no joke, besides its no secret that Metal Gear Solid 4 will be much better of a game than Halo 3 is stacking up to be.

[joshofalltrades]

All I'm saying is that you don't have to respond to every single one of my posts with some remark about how I'm not funny and then act like you're God's gift to comedy. Your posts are just as unfunny to me, but I don't feel the urge to tell you how I think you probably have autism every time you crank out another (relative) piece of donkey feces. Like water off a duck's back, man. You don't have to be a dickmuncher if you see something that isn't funny to you.

That said, I should have done more research as to the authenticity of the story.

[Sniffles]

It's not even the fact that was an old story. My original comment didn't even have to do with you not being funny. It's just that you completely tore apart a funny piece of fanfiction that would have benefitted from not being torn apart. The story was funny as it is, and the director's commentary was unnecessary.

[El Presedente]

Can't we all just get along?