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Bottom 007 Bond Films The name's Bomb, James Bomb...

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Posted 30 July 2007 - 02:21 AM

Okay, I originally posted this on another board, but I figured it was time to bring it to you guys and let you dissect it. It's my personal list of the 007 Worst Bond Films.

So, here we go:


#007: The Living Daylights (1987) Timothy Dalton's first Bond film is a bit of a letdown. Dalton, a fine actor in his own right, must contend with what any serious actor simply dreads: a comedy script. The screenplay, written for Pierce Brosnan (before he had to contend with a revival of Remington Steele), plays like a pseudo-Roger Moore film, and Dalton is simply not fit to deliver cheesy one-liners (ironically, GoldenEye, widely considered Brosnan's best film, features a screenplay written for Dalton). The Bond girl of the film, Maryam D'Abo, is fine in her first big outting, but the plot, expanded from a Fleming short story, can't hold under the weight of the big screen. Joe Don Baker, as a psychotic Army general, doesn't make things any better. The movie falls apart around Dalton, as he struggles through a movie meant for a different Bond. 007 helping the Mujadhin (who would, just 14 years later, manage to topple the New York skyline with two commercial flights) is just the icing on the horribly-ironic cake. Fortunately, Dalton would find his place in 1989's incredibly dark (yet monumentally unsuccessful) Licence to Kill.

#006: You Only Live Twice (1967) Just two years after the wild success of Thunderball, EON Productions decided to adapt the 11th James Bond novel for the screen. Hiring a new director (Lewis Gilbert) and bringing the film to an exotic locale (Japan), the producers were sure they had a success on their hands. Unfortunately, the person they hired to write the screenplay, Roald Dahl, had absolutely no versing in the Bond lore. Deciding to start almost from scratch, he crafted a Bond film unmatched by its predecessors -- in utter lunacy. To simplify matters, the movie is basically a bigger-budget remake of Dr. No -- the villain has an evil lair in a remote location, is in possession of a nuclear missile, and has an evil scheme to threaten the world. Everything else is a set piece; from the capture of two spacecraft in the pre-titles sequence to the destruction of the mastermind's volcano lair, everything is meant to make the audience go "Ooh!" This means that Bond is practically superhuman in this film, while the various henchmen and villains seem to have skipped Evil Villain School on the day the lesson was How to Be an Effective Killer. Even the main villain, Ernst Stavro Blofeld (played by Donald Pleasence, who was the second actor to take the role in the production following the hasty firing of Jan Werich), is a bit of a moron, as he deliberately invites Bond into his secret lair, parades him in front of the self-destruct button, and does not take the chance to kill his adversary -- even when the choice is glaringly obvious. The film, in fact, seems to be one of the first occurrences of that critically-hated colossus, the Bloated Summer Blockbuster.

#005: Diamonds are Forever (1971) Sean Connery's final official Bond film, DaF plays more like a 007 parody than a serious film -- which it was supposed to be after the dramatic cliffhanger at the end of On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Unfortunately, after the departure of new Bond George Lazenby, the producers decided to scrap everything they had set up in the last film, and took the Bond series to an entirely different level. I'm sad to say, this film easily matches -- and then transcends -- the utter lunacy of YOLT (see above). After supposedly killing Blofeld (in one of the most ludicrous pre-title sequences in Bond history), 007 gets sicked onto the diamond smuggling business and ends up traveling to Las Vegas. There, he discovers Blofeld alive and well, and planning to use a killer satellite to destroy any target on earth. I'd go into more detail, but it's just so ludicrous, you wouldn't believe it.

#004: Moonraker (1979) Again, a bigger-budget remake; this time of Thunderball, right down to the "Bond is Imperiled on Malfunctioning Machine" plot point, only this time, it's a G-force simulator. Other bits and pieces seem to be retreads of The Spy Who Loved Me: there, the villain was obsessed with the sea; here, space is his fancy. In his 4th Bond film, Roger Moore comes off worse than in the earlier flicks, as he seems to have become partially embalmed between 1977 and 1979. Moving creakily, the only facial exp​ression he can easily make a raised eyebrow, Moore wanders through the film, encountering the occasional rehashed villain (Jaws, anyone?) apparently just so he can recieve his paycheck. Thankfully, this would be auteur Lewis Gilbert's last foray into the world of Bond, as John Glen, a far more competent director, brought Bond back to his roots in 1981's For Your Eyes Only.

#003: Die Another Day (2002) In this bloated action film (mostly based on the original Moonraker novel), Pierce Brosnan is captured by the North Korean military after killing the son of a general. Upon his release, Bond goes rogue in search of evil Korean henchman Zao, but ends up stumbling upon an international diamond conspiracy and gets reinstated into MI6, anyway. He then meets up with Halle Berry, a fellow agent on the trail of a diamond magnate, who ends up being the son of that general, alive and well. The rest of the film plays out like DaF on steroids, with Bond as himself, Halle Berry as Tiffany Case, and Zao as the junior half of (I kid you not) Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. No wonder they rebooted the franchise.

#002: The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) In Guy Hamilton's final Bond directorial effort, James Bond (as interpreted by a lackadaisical Roger Moore) is targeted by shadowy assassin Francisco Scaramanga (this film's Embarrassed Actor, Christopher Lee). During his investigation of Scaramanga, Bond discovers that Scaramanga is after the Solex Agitator, a source of apparently unlimited solar energy. He then meets Mary Goodnight (Britt Ekland at her worst), a fellow British agent, and together, they go after Scaramanga, the Solex Agitator, and the assassin's manservant, a midget [!] named Nick-Nack (Fantasy Island's Hervé Villechaize). Did I mention there's a midget?

And, finally...

#001: A View to a Kill (1985) What can I say about AVtaK? A complete rehash of Goldfinger, the film is less about Bond and more about the extravagant ego of Cubby Broccoli. Roger Moore, in his final Bond film, is a zombified clown, rapidly decaying before our very eyes. Tanya Roberts (of Beastmaster fame) is entirely unconvincing as a geologist (Christmas Jones, anyone?), and is, by far, the most useless Bond girl ever. And Christopher Walken. Dear, dear Christopher Walken; how far have you fallen? Having gone from The Dead Zone straight into this steaming pile of crap, Walken is, by far, the most embarrassed Embarrassed Actor ever committed to celluloid. Hamming it up like there's no tomorrow, Walken's performance as industrialist Max Zorin stands out among all the other actors, but that's only because he does his usual Walken schtick, and it's guaranteed to keep you awake through every minute of this turd. Oh, sure, Duran Duran gives a heck of a theme song, but after that, what else is there keeping you from throwing your copy of AVtaK out the window?

Honorable Mentions: Octopussy (1983), Thunderball (1965), Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

And... that's all, folks. blush.gif


EDIT: Um... I didn't mean to make two threads on the same topic. Could someone remove one, please? I'm sorry. blushing.gif

This post has been edited by Bond: 30 July 2007 - 02:22 AM

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Posted 30 July 2007 - 03:05 PM

Erm... does anyone have any suggestions?

No one? crying.gif

Well, I posted this for people to mull over, so... sad.gif

This post has been edited by Bond: 30 July 2007 - 03:05 PM

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Posted 31 July 2007 - 06:39 AM

man..i loved a view to a kill

personally, i dont think any of the bond films are bad,.but yes,.some are waaay better than others.

i didnt buy the concept of the invisible car in die another day.

hate me, but i still think pierce brosnan made one of the best bonds, besides connery, of course.

of brosnan's films, i hold goldeneye and tomorrow never dies in the higher regards.

if i could rank any film the lowest, it would have been that last one,.casino royale.

it showed bond down at his knees begging for sheer mercy. my idea of bond is too cunning, covert and slick to ever be caught in such a humiliating and demeaning position.

next please....

p.s....you mentioned octopussy, and thats a great film. i remember being about 5 yrs old seeing a trailer for that film on tv. i dont remember much from that trailer,.except a car driving off of a pier into a lake and then the announcer saying "octopussy"...of course, being so young, i was shocked to hear anyone on television say pussy on tv! ha ha ha

This post has been edited by optimus_prime: 31 July 2007 - 06:44 AM

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Posted 31 July 2007 - 11:41 AM

QUOTE (optimus_prime @ Jul 31 2007, 06:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
if i could rank any film the lowest, it would have been that last one,.casino royale.

it showed bond down at his knees begging for sheer mercy. my idea of bond is too cunning, covert and slick to ever be caught in such a humiliating and demeaning position.


Bond wasn't on his knees begging for mercy; he was sitting in a chair naked while Le Chiffre made pancakes of his balls, and he wasn't begging, he was using black humor.

"Now the whole world will know you died scratching my balls!" biggrin.gif

And I loved the ending; it was pure Bond. cool.gif
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE (Bond @ Jul 31 2007, 11:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bond wasn't on his knees begging for mercy


thats a figure of speech!!, but yes the way you said it proves my point even more.
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 05:35 PM

He'd been captured, silly! At least it's more realistic than getting castrated with a laser... rolleyes.gif
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 08:46 PM

I agree with most of those listed above, though I do like the theme song for Moonraker. The only good thing about Diamonds Are Forever was Lana Wood, easily the most beautiful Bond girl of them all, but alas, she wasn't in the film nearly enough.
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 08:51 PM

Well, she did get killed off halfway through the film, so... wink.gif

Thank you, however, for your positive response, Lord Aquaman! I am thrilled to be complimented by a member of the old crowd. happy.gif

This post has been edited by Bond: 31 July 2007 - 08:52 PM

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Posted 31 July 2007 - 08:55 PM

QUOTE (Bond @ Jul 31 2007, 06:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, she did get killed off halfway through the film, so... wink.gif

Thank you, however, for your positive response, Lord Aquaman! I am thrilled to be complimented by a member of the old crowd. happy.gif

At the rate you're racking up posts, you'll be a member of the "old crowd" soon enough.
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 08:58 PM

By that, I mean the so-called "Founding Members" of these forums, whom all other users must bow down before in their godliness. All praise and honor be to thee, now and forever... mellow.gif
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 09:46 PM

QUOTE (Bond @ Jul 31 2007, 06:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
By that, I mean the so-called "Founding Members" of these forums, whom all other users must bow down before in their godliness. All praise and honor be to thee, now and forever... mellow.gif

Oh nonsense, I'm not one of the so-called "Founding Members" of these forums! I'm just a guy who really hated the Star Wars prequel trilogy and special editions, enjoys doing captions way too much and talks about movies here & there. devil.gif
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Posted 31 July 2007 - 09:48 PM

Oh. Sorry, then. blushing.gif

So, getting back on topic: which of my picks did you disagree with, and why? Also, what would you nominate in return? smile.gif
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Posted 01 August 2007 - 01:02 AM

Erm... is no one responding? sad.gif


EDIT: 1000 POSTS!!! W00t!!! WOO-HOO!!! laugh.gif

This post has been edited by Bond: 01 August 2007 - 01:03 AM

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Posted 08 August 2007 - 04:55 AM

I'll reply to your post, Bond. Although, I have to say I'm surprised it hasn't generated more interest - since this is the "Movie Theatre" section and the Bond franchise is the longest running film series in cinema history.

With regards to your list of worst films, I am in complete agreement on some but I was quite surprised by others. Most notably, I was surprised by the inclusion of "The Living Daylights". I think this is one of the best Bond movies ever and is highly under-rated. Now, I do agree that Bond helping the Mujahadeen is pretty distasteful in hindsight but when the movie was made, nobody knew that these guys were eventually going to form the Taliban. If it's any consolation, at least their leader Khaman Shar is basically a British commander, not one of the Mujahadeen himself.

Also, I completely disagree that it was a comedy script. I think it's quite serious. Arms dealers, Afghan heroine dealers, renegade KGB agents... nothing comical there. Of course it does have light-hearted moments but I think that's a good thing, a bit of light and shade.

Furthermore, the action sequences are wonderful - especially the fight between Bond and Necros as they hang out the back of a Hercules carrier in the film's climax. And the score is fantastic! A truly memorable effort by the fabulous John Barry, and actually the last James Bond score Barry ever made.


Another film on which I disagree with you is "You Only Live Twice". Now I do agree it's got flaws. In fact, it has a tonne of them. However, despite these, it is enjoyable escapism. The locations are wonderful. The action set pieces are good fun and like 'The Living Daylights', it has an incredible score. This is another time, you just must hear John Barry's work. It also has a brilliant intense fight between James Bond and a Japanese heavy weight thug and it features the fantastic 'Little Nellie' gyrocopter aerial dogfight.

Of course, it's ridiculous and far-fatched and the villians are incredibly stupid (like Helga Brandt, putting Bond in a plane and then jumping out of it, leaving him to crash). SPECTRE's ship gobbling up American and Russian spacecraft looks a lot like Pac Man and there is FAR too much Ninja crap (especially the ridiculous "He-Yaaaaaaa!" noises they incessantly make). It's also a bit too long for its own good.

However, I just can't bring myself to hate it. Maybe it's the wonderful John Barry soundtrack, maybe it's the cute girls, maybe it's the 'Little Nellie' sequence, maybe it's because I used to live in Japan and watching the film brings back fond memories... I don't know... but I like it.


Having said that though, I fully agree with you on "Thunderball", "Diamonds are Forever" and generally everything by Roger Moore (but especially "The Man with the Golden Gun").

Actually, you might like a thread I made a while ago on the Bond films 007 - Forty odd years of ups and downs in which I went through the various films, commenting on each one. I then encouraged others to do the same but strangely enough, the thread died off not too long after it was made.

Although if you do read that thread, I've had a change of heart on a couple of things in it. One, I originally dissed Goldfinger... but after watching it again, I found I really enjoyed it (I just had to watch it in the spirit in which it was intended and not compare it to 'From Russia With Love' the whole time).

Another matter is 'Goldeneye'. I still love it but on my most recent viewing, I discovered that the soundtrack is bloody awful. Whoever made it had no understanding of the music of Bond. I get the impression that he/she/it felt compelled to 'modernise' the soundtrack and ironically enough, the soundtrack this person composed sounds far more dated than anything that preceeded it.



And on a different topic, I'm going to have to side with Optimus Prime on 'Casino Royale'. Now, I loved Daniel Craig's depiction of Bond and I hope to see him again in the next one, and I also think a lot of the scenes were very strong. However, it is a disjointed movie with three acts that are related but don't meld together well.

The first part is very heavy on action scenes and you do see some amazing stuff. I particularly liked the airport scene with its nod to the truck chase from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. The foot chase was also very novel - although I found it a bit ludicrous that a little nobody of a bomb-maker just happened to have the athletic prowess of a world free-running champion.

Bond comes off quite well in this first act, particularly in his ability at tracking down the bad-guy. However, he came off like an idiot when he charged into the embassy and when he broke into M's apartment, he should have been fired then and there.

Now, the second act when Bond is in the casino feels like a different movie - although it's a much stronger movie than the one we've just been watching and it's nice to have a break from the relentless action of the first act. When I was watching this part, I felt like I was watching the best Bond film ever made.

When that finished, it felt like the movie had finished (especially because at that time, I also felt as if I had just watched two movies). But anyway, it was a satisfying ending. Bond had won. The CIA would now be taking LeChiffre in and everything was wrapped up in a nice little package. Bond had earned his 00 status and he had shown M that he could get the job done...

... however, rather than rolling with the credits, the movie suddenly tumbles into a completely unwelcome third act, starting with a horrible scene which should never have been made. You know what I'm talking about... Vesper is captured, Bond rushes off to save her, sees her in the middle of the road, swerves to avoid her, rolls his car, is pulled out by LeChiffre's strange retarded looking mute monkey gargoyle, said monkey gargoyle then cuts out the bottom of a cane chair, Bond is tied naked to it and LeChiffre begins whipping his testicles with a heavy weighted rope...

This scene doesn't belong in a Bond movie. It doesn't belong in any movie. It's extremely sadistic, cruel and disturbing, particularly because it is completely unnecessary (as LeChiffre was finished anyway). I don't know about anyone else but I watch the Bond movies because I want to be entertained. I want to see exotic locales, beautiful women, exciting action scenes and the tenacity of a cool, charming, sophisticated secret agent being damn good at his job and loving the fact. I don't however want to be disturbed.

Now, I know that scene comes from the book but I don't think that necessarily means it should be in the movie. Bond, you're probably going to hate me for saying this, but I don't think Bond is the famous icon he is today because of the books. I mean the books are interesting enough but the real reason Bond is so well known is because of Sean Connery and the movies. Also, don't forget a lot of the stuff from the books is pretty awful. I recently read 'From Russia with Love' again and found myself disgusted by Kerim Bey. There is a scene where he tells Bond that in his youth, he kidnapped a gypsy girl, chained her naked under his table and fed her scraps of food off the table to make her want him... and the whole time, Bond is sitting there, thinking "What a terrific guy this Kerim Bey is". Now be honest, wasn't it better the way Kerim was portrayed in the movie?

Imagine if these guys made "Live and Let Die" that way? We'd get a whole lot of new action sequences to fill out the running time and a heap of product placement for Sony, Ford and Omega but the producers would be sure to stay true to the novel for the scene in which Felix Leiter is mauled by a shark... and then they would lovingly show us Bond and Solataire being dragged over a shallow coral reef, getting cut to shreds.

But anyway, my point is that it's one thing for Ian Fleming to include such a brutal horrible torture sequence in a small debut novel that might have or might not have been destined to reach a large audience... it's another thing entirely to put that same sequence in the twenty-first film of a long established movie franchise loved by millions of people, most of whom have probably never read the books and never will.

That scene ruined the whole thing for me. As for the rest of the third act, it felt contrived. I could see how Bond and Vesper could develop a genuine respect for each other but I couldn't see how they could have fallen so deeply in love with each other. Also, bear in mind that all of this third act happens when the film already feels like it has gone on long enough (kind of like this post).

So in the end, I think 'Casino Royale' is a mixed bag. I watched it again last night to give it a second chance and this time, it found it considerably less enjoyable than before. I was actually intending to watch it all the way through but when LeChiffre pulled out that weighted rope, I knew I couldn't stomach that awful scene a second time so I stopped the DVD and watched something else instead.

I also understand that it was trying to compensate for 'Die Another Day' (which is wholly trash) and that makes some of the producers' decisions easier to fathom but you can overcompensate.

Well, I think that'll do for now. I also just remembered that I have seen "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" since the time when I posted that other thread and I hated it... but that can wait for another time.

- Goer. Movie Goer.


Sorry for double-posting. But I just had to say I quite liked your observation, Bond, that 'Goldeneye' was written for Dalton. I thought that too.
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Posted 08 August 2007 - 01:43 PM

Damn, MG, I'll say it again: you're like Haley's Comet. You come along once in a very long while, but it's always worth it to ceom out and take a look. As for why noone posted much on the original topic, well, you'd said it all. At least, if I speak for me ...

Bond, nice first post, but PLEASE don't post seven times in your own thread with little more than prods for people to post. It's annoying always to see that the majority of replies to a thread are vacuous one-liners. This is not a chat room.
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