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Darkness Review Question

#16 User is offline   TheOrator Icon

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Posted 25 July 2007 - 10:43 PM

Ah, yes, his general bastardliness had made me hate him ever so slightly.

But his voice makes up for that.

He sounds like a nice enough fellow.

EDIT: Mechanics.

This post has been edited by TheOrator: 25 July 2007 - 10:43 PM

"I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum."
-John Carpenter's They Live

"God help us...in the future."
-Plan 9 from Outer Space


nooooo
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#17 User is offline   Zewb Icon

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Posted 26 July 2007 - 12:15 AM

I wish I had a good speaking voice. I sound like a prepubescent Mongoloid with a throat infection. So the only voice acting I can do is really wierd, silly voices since my "normal" speaking voice just sounds creepy.
"It's gettin' to be re-goddamn-diculous. If you guys don't start thinking as men, we're gonna have a lousy country."

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#18 User is offline   Thaluikhain Icon

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Posted 26 July 2007 - 03:30 AM

Yeah...gotta love that accent...if only we could get him to sing a few Sophie Ellis-Bextor songs.
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#19 User is offline   Nostaw Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 10:25 AM

I liked the video, but I didn't undestand the fist half. He's speaking just too fast for me.
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#20 User is offline   Cobnat Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 12:27 PM

Hey Yahtz… me and a few of the other guys were wondering… do you have a speech defect?

(cowers)

Please don’t hurt me!
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#21 User is offline   Chyld Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 03:27 PM

List of things Yahtzee's voice has appeared in:

- A Rob and Paul Flash animation.
- A line in an update about tambourines.
- Er... there's more, I'm sure.

Not a novelty, its just this time its damn funnier.
When you lose your calm, you feed your anger.

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#22 User is offline   Zewb Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 03:35 PM

Oh yeah I think I remember that.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG
"It's gettin' to be re-goddamn-diculous. If you guys don't start thinking as men, we're gonna have a lousy country."

-John Wayne
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#23 User is offline   AdamM Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 04:49 PM

QUOTE (Nostaw @ Jul 27 2007, 04:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I liked the video, but I didn't undestand the fist half. He's speaking just too fast for me.

The Darkness is a horror-themed first person shooter based on some comic book I've never heard of. The game is by the delightfully-named Starbreeze Studios, whose most notable previous title would be The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay, in which players piloted a claymation Vin Diesel in his ongoing quest to masturbate himself raw in the faces of audiences worldwide. Anyway, The Darkness demo starts with the hero Jackie in the back of a car being driven by some of his Italian mobster friends, who have apparently abandoned the Mafia's pretense of respectibility in order to drive recklessly through the streets at full speed like a pair of gibbery twats. In no time at all the police find something objectionable about this behaviour and pursue them, prompting a pitched, high-speed exchange of gunfire. Jackie - who looks full well like a cross between Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro and Morticia Addams - is handed a shotgun to join in the fun, but the device seems to confuse him and he sits loading shells into it so slowly and carefully you'd think he was assembling a ship in a bottle. Meanwhile the car is swerving wildly back and forth and bullets are whizzing through the air and by the time Jackie figures out which end of the gun is which an almighty crash hurls him from the vehicle and into the actual game. He awakens in a cemetary where we are told through some shitty exposition that his Mafia boss uncle has betrayed him and sent some hitmen to make him dead, presumably because he's so sick of having to babysit the gormless fuckwit, something I could fully sympathise with through the subsequent gunfight. The clunky PS3 controls combined with Jackie's utter lack of survival instinct meant my top speed was somewhere in the region of slow walking pace while hitmen ran around popping caps in my dopey arse. Fortunately at more or less this point the titular Darkness enters the fray and a bunch of giant liquorice Twizzlers sprout from Jackie's spine. Our hero is ostensibly possessed by some ancient all-powerful demonic force which looks very scary but did absolutely bugger-all to assist as I ran around the cemetary for half an hour trying to find the way out. My only useable Darkness power at that point was something that allowed me to extrude one of the liquorice Twizzlers to explore tight spaces and I spent most of the time fruitlessly trying to find a way to make it penetrate a flimsy iron gate, before discovering that what I was supposed to do was go back to an easily-missed white spot on the ground, use it to summon an evil imp, and instruct it to move a thoughtlessly-parked car out of the way of one of the cemetary entrances. Let me just reiterate that: the game literally has me summon a multi-fanged beclawed monstrosity from the depths of hell, not so I can make it enslave the innocent or lay waste to all worldly nations, but so that I can enlist it as my own personal breakdown service. I couldn't play the game for much longer because a short time later I found myself stuck outside another locked gate that no idea about how to proceed. The game's only hint to what to do was that I had just unlocked a new Darkness power that allowed me to pick up heavy objects. I tried throwing a car at the sealed gates, but lacking a throw button all I could do was rub it against the metalwork. Then I had the brainwave of setting up a pile of crap to form a staircase to get up onto a nearby roof, but the moment I got up there I ran headlong into an invisible wall, because apparently I wasn't supposed to be doing that. I took my frustrations out on a nearby hobo before saying, "Fuck this shit" and doing something else. The Darkness has been getting some pretty good reviews all over the place that use phrases like 'brilliant storytelling' and 'top-notch presentation', which give me cause to hesitate before I use phrases like 'monstrous pile of shit'. Most of my problem was with the horrible controls and a mouse and keyboard interface would swiftly fix that; and maybe after the rocky beginning the game was nothing short of fan-dabby-dabulous, but the demo's job was to make me want to buy the full version and in that regard it's a big dark gothy failure. Personally at this point I'd only consider buying the full version of The Darkness if it came down to budget price. And they threw in another, better game.

And some cake.

And Belgium.
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#24 User is offline   Gekko Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 05:09 PM

Thanks, that helped a stupid Fin like me understanding all of it. Good job writing it all!
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#25 User is offline   Nostaw Icon

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Posted 27 July 2007 - 07:19 PM

Yeah, it's... enlightening...
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#26 User is offline   David-kyo Icon

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Posted 28 July 2007 - 02:52 AM

QUOTE (Chyld @ Jul 27 2007, 10:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
List of things Yahtzee's voice has appeared in:

- A Rob and Paul Flash animation.
- A line in an update about tambourines.
- Er... there's more, I'm sure.

You forgot the Chris Quinn game.
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#27 User is offline   Chris Icon

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Posted 28 July 2007 - 04:05 AM

Nice one Yahtz, your writing benefits immeasurably from this new means of delivery.
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#28 User is offline   Thaluikhain Icon

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Posted 28 July 2007 - 04:13 AM

What about the thing when he has a go at you for being gullible enough to listen, and ends by saying "and I had sex with your mother and she was crap and she owes me a pound"?
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#29 User is offline   TheOrator Icon

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Posted 04 August 2007 - 11:03 PM

QUOTE (Thaluikhain @ Jul 28 2007, 04:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What about the thing when he has a go at you for being gullible enough to listen, and ends by saying "and I had sex with your mother and she was crap and she owes me a pound"?


Damn you, Thaluikain! I was just going to random archive sections to see how the hell Yahtzee does it and found that thing, and not remembering it being mentioned on the thread.

Now you've gone and taken away any sad, pathetic excuse I had for reading the FR archives...
"I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum."
-John Carpenter's They Live

"God help us...in the future."
-Plan 9 from Outer Space


nooooo
0

#30 User is offline   Spann Icon

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 04:11 PM

Another (slightly picky) addition to THE BIG LIST OF THINGS YAHTZEE'S VOICE HAS BEEN IN!!!!!: The majority of the chzo games. All those creepy whispers are his voice time stretched 'n' stuff.
"There comes a time in every person's life when they should learn to shut up. It is called 'birth'."

-The League Against Tedium
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