[princesskadee]

has this ever happened to you?

you met a friend, a really good friend..and you became the best of friends. it seemed that you and this friend had so much in common.

they knew a lot of your most kept secrets,.they knew who you had a crush on school,.chances are this friend may have even went to school with you,.or even worked at a job with you.

you have known this friend a very long time..they are almost like family to you.

it seems nothing could break you apart.

,,and just when you got that feeling,.you are so blinded by it all, you dont see the friendship crumbling right before your very eyes.

and its not that anything really tragic or bad happened..there was no outbreak of rash violence between you two. ..no hostile words exchanged,..no physical violence, etc etc.

Rather, it seems that for some odd reason,.the things you had so much in common with this person.slowly drifted away. the old saying "people change" holds ever so true,.and both you and your friend's interests have changed so much,..maybe even drastically.

you want to keep the friendship alive, no matter what,but it seems like this friend honestly is no longer interested in being your friend,.and they dont know how to tell it to you...they dont know how to break the news to you..for fear of the wrong impression being percieved.

I am finding myself confronted with such a dilemma right now. my best friend.whom I have known for over 20 years..(since 5th grade)..me and her have went to school together from 5th grade on thru 8th grade....in 9th grade she had to go to a different school (because her family moved a few blocks away,..and was deemed in a different school district)

we worked at the same job together during high school. we kept in touch for so long,..on average, id say we would see each other at least once a week. (schedule permitting).

What I have noticed thru the years, but have been naive to,.is this friend doesnt call me as much anymore,.doesnt visit me at my place as much as i visit her. this friend has become somewhat of a homebody,..at least thats what she wanted me to believe.

but a lot of answered questions got revealed to me recently, when I took a look at her myspace page..there I saw and understood where a lot of her free time was devoted to,.."other friends",.obviously, If i rank anywhere on her roster,.its no longer at the top.

there are many pics that show what she does on the weekends,..who she hangs with,.guys she sees on the side. etc. i understand that people live out their lives, and that i cant always be with my friend, and that she had other friends like i have other friends,.however, i feel like i am becoming less and less as a part of her life anymore. those simplistic days when it seemed like all we had was each other feel like they are buried deep in the sands of time.

i want the friendship to continue, i want to feel like i am vibrant and enigmatic, but i feel like i am yesterdays newspaper,..like she knows me inside and out (she does), and that she wants to discard me,..toss our time-invested friendship down the drain. she has not told this to me outright,.but i get this strong feeling that I am really not that interesting anymore.
i dont get phone calls inviting me to this or that function,.few emails,.i feel like i am always the one now who has to initiate the contact,..its almost like "hello,i am still here..did you forget about me??"

[Sailor Abbey]

If your friend's being a douche bag, then you're probably better off without them. I say good riddance.

[David-kyo]

The same thing is happening to me for no apparent reason, but I got fed up with the whole business and have been following exactly what Abbey said. "%#$& her right in the ear", I decided.

Weird thing is, I played a vital factor in her not having got flunked out of university yet. Perhaps there's a connection, she unconsciously wants out but hasn't got the guts to fuck off, and I just had to help her with studying to be able to stay in. What a bastard I am.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 15 May 2007 - 08:06 AM

[Chyld]

Still happening to me as we speak. I'm away at uni, one group of old friends has closed ranks away from me, and one just isn't very open, as it were. Fuck knows why.

Plus, of course, living with people from your halls of residence in student housing is the perfect way to create the more violent defriending approach. I could go on and on and on... and I will, if I can be arsed later.

[Deepsycher]

I don't have any local "friends." They only make "friends" with certain people in order to use them if they are not the same.

Typically:
(1) They call you a friend.
(2) Then they ask you for money.
I refused up to this point. and it went straight to number (5).
(3) They ask you to do bad deeds to join their gang.
(4) Then they make a fool out of you.
(5) Then everybody starts teasing which involves them being verbally abusive and threatening behaviour, following me around and the only safe place I can stay is at home for a while.

That was a long time ago for me.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 15 May 2007 - 11:06 AM

[Cyzyk]

All my real friends are at least five years older than me. The people i know at uni are scum with whom I associate for convenience. I didn't start with the idea of them being scum, but ended with it after two years of dealing with them.

[David-kyo]

Still happening to me as we speak. I'm away at uni, one group of old friends has closed ranks away from me, and one just isn't very open, as it were. Fuck knows why.

Perhaps they saw your youtube videos.

[civilian_number_two]

Well, people drift apart. I have friends I would do anything for, loan money to without conditions or concern of ever getting it back, and can count on for the same. And some of these friends I see maybe once a month at best. Some close friends can be separated for months or in some cases I could relate, for years. Constant companionship shouldn't necessitate consistent companionship. When I was in college I entered all sorts of different circles that didn't include my high school buddies, and didn't see them hardly at all. But they're still there, and as a result I have other friends now I've known for some time.

Like abbey says, of course, if you're drifting apart for good, then so it goes. But you may find that you're still really good friends, and you have years of companionship to come, but that at the moment you are circling with different groups. If you remain friends for life, you'll find this happens from time to time, especially when you start having kids.

Of course, on the other hand, one thing I've seen with women is that they're competitive with their high school friends, and start to distance themselves from them in college to avoid fighting over guys. And generally the friendships don't survive the college years. I haven't known too many guys who have drifted apart in the same way.

[Spoon Poetic]

I haven't noticed what Civ mentioned in his last paragraph, but then, I and my circle of close friends could be considered a little odd. Five of my six very closest friends (some guys, some girls), I have known since middle school or before. As far as my girlfriends go, we all have several girlfriends from high school that we're just as close or closer with. We've never fought over guys, either. The drifting that has ever occurred between me and my friends, or my friends and their friends, usually just seems to come from distance and lacking the motivation to keep up communications after a period of time, as it's rather inconvenient.

Personally, though, I have had some fallouts with friends, usually having to do with something that they did that made me just not like them anymore. It has to be really bad, though. There has been once or twice where it was mutual dickheadedness, though.

I don't always regret falling-outs or distancings of relationships, though. I believe that even if someone isn't in your life permanently, what really matters is the impact that they had on your life while they were in it. Sometimes it's just time for that relationship to end. You got everything you were supposed to get from it, and now it's time to move on... So I try not to regret it when it happens, unless it's obviously a fault of my own. Doesn't apply in all cases, though, and is a rather optimistic view that I realize many will not agree with. Meh, I'm tired and rambling. I'm shutting up now. :-P

[Deepsycher]

The convenient thng to do is not to make friends at all because of breakups and dislikes.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 16 May 2007 - 05:11 AM

[Sailor Abbey]

The convenient thng to do is not to make friends at all because of breakups and dislikes.

Wow thats pathetic.

I just dont make friends cause they're too needy. Always wanting you to leave the house and go do stuff. Or calling you and forcing you to sit through painfully long telephone conversations. No thank you.

[Deepsycher]

I know it is because what I forgot to add to that, is if it is absolutely necessary and to be very careful to what friends I make. I shouldn't have said "at all". I try to make friends or people to talk to based on trust and respect. I had a lot of bad experiences before if you read my previous post in this thread you might see why.

I don't base it so much on use but I don't mind contributing to needy people if they contribute back.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 16 May 2007 - 07:22 AM

[blueoceans]

The convenient thng to do is not to make friends at all because of breakups and dislikes.

and be a reclusive anti-social loner?

[Deepsycher]

Sadly I didn't have much of a choice. It would have been convenient to save the trouble of being bullied. They ask "rude" questions, racially abuse, swear and spit at people when they ask for money and don't get it. That is why I try to avoid them. It seems normal in my place. I do get on with my tutors and with most older people but it is very rare I meet people of my age or younger who are polite locally unless it was in a shop doing business or on the phone to a company. Or maybe I am not in the right place. I wouldn't be here otherwise.

There was once a choice when I was far away from home and I did take up the chance because of the type of people from all over.

Maybe it IS pathetic from my view that these local people do that but as again it might be normal to their upbringing. I do try at things but I am not willing to be bullied or harassed as above by people at it. Wouldn't you?

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 16 May 2007 - 08:16 AM

[TruJade]

Im in the middle of all that madness right now.
Its coming down to the wire as high school will be over in less than 3 weeks.
In the last 2 months especially you see a different side of people.

Some you like and wish you had more time to connect with, and others you just want to cut lose.
I have began to analyze my friends and am slowly
figuring out that alot of my friendships were pure convienence.

Whether we were locker neighbors, bus buddies or friends from elementary school.
You clutch to them because they're familiar, you deal with their shit cuz they're your friends.
But by Grade 12 it all becomes so clear who you

actually want in your life and who was just passing through.
Im not saying i've picked my friends for life but ill keep in touch.
In the last 2 months i've been backstabed and gossiped about by my so-called posse.

I'm so fed up with it but a little glad it happened.
Now i won't waste my time on sucky friends and
i'll have a little backbone for when i head off to university.