Chefelf.com Night Life: Helen Keller and I - Chefelf.com Night Life

Jump to content

Page 1 of 1

Helen Keller and I spooftastic!

#1 User is offline   Frank the Rabbit Icon

  • Mini Boss
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Members
  • Posts: 147
  • Joined: 23-March 07
  • Country:United States

Posted 04 April 2007 - 03:29 PM

I recently wrote a one act play called Helen Keller and I. It is in no way historically accurate or politically correct. I haven't edited it, so please excuse me if there are spelling errors.




Character List
Helen Keller-Blind deaf girl who gets kidnapped
Leroy- The cool guy who has plenty of jokes
Wilford-Leroy’s sidekick and best friend
Mr. B- A crazy homeless guy who thinks he’s the govener
Katie- smart independent girl who hangs out with Leroy
Daniel-nerdy kid who noone really likes and has bad luck
Anne- Helen’s nurse who gets killed
John Stamos-random celebrity who owns a time machine
[Fade in on living room in an average suburbian house. Leroy, Wilford, and Katie, and Daniel are sitting telling jokes.]

Act 1: Scene 1 Katie’s Living room

Leroy: Hey Katie, have you ever seen Helen Keller’s house?
Katie: No, I don’t think I have…why?
Leroy: Neither has she!!!!!
Katie: Hahahahah. That’s hilarious!!!!!
Wilford: Wait, Wait Wait, I have one. How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leroy: Ha, I don’t know, how do you punish Helen Keller?
Wilford: You give her a basketball and tell her to read it.
Everone: (LAUGHING HISTARICALLY)
Daniel: Hey, guys, listen to this joke, it’s a really really funny one. How many dead babies can you fit into the trunk of a car?
Katie: Oh my gosh Daniel, are you serious? That’s horrible, how can you say something like that?!?!?
Leroy: Yea dude, that’s not funny, you could offend someone.
Wilford: You sick twisted freak, you are going straight to heck.
Leroy: Forget him, I’ve got plenty more Helen Keller jokes to come, how do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
{enter Mr. B]

Mr B: What is going on here, telling jokes are we? The material seems quite innapropriat does it not?
Leroy: Aww, Mr. Barret, we’re just having fun.
Mr. B: I don’t care Leroy, it’s not something you should be joking about, Helen Keller did many good things for humanity.
Leroy: Like what?
Mr. B: Being…blind and deaf?
Wilford: why is that so important?
Mr. B: I have no idea Will, I just don’t know. I wonder what Helen Keller times were like….like…like…………..

[Mr. B begins to drift off in thought, when all of the sudden, a violent storm of energy and electicity generates a portal and the players are sucked in. when they emerge from the time warp, they find themselves in dense foliage. All are out of breath.]

Scene 2

Mr. B: That must have been a wormhole…I’ve read about those
Katie: you can’t read
Mr. B: Well, it seems like we’re in dinosaur times…everyone be cautious, one wrong move and we could be dead.
Daniel: Goodness, I’m not sure about this guys…..i don’t like dinosaurs……
[they emerge from the bushes only to find themselves in the backyard of an expensive house, obviously owned by rich people]

Mr. B: At last, the dinosaurs have become smart enough to build houses…..
Leroy: you idiot….we’re not in dinosaur times, maybe we can find the residents
Wilford: This is very interesting guys, but everyone stick close.

[as they approach the house, they see a woman in her mid 30’s bent over a little girl, apparently helping her to fetch water]

Mr. B: NO…they have disguised themselves as humans!!!! Attack!!!!!!!
[Mr. B pulls out a gun from nowhere and shoots the lady]
Katie: NO Mr. B!!! somebody stop him!!!!!
[wilford goes and tackles him to the ground]

Helen Keller: unnnghfrragfalaaaaaaaaaa
Leroy: Holy Crap guys, is this who I think it is?
Daniel: someone should really get a doctor……
Katie: yes…you’re right, im almost positive this is Helen Keller!
Daniel: why isn’t anyone listening to me? This lady could die, we really should find a paramedic or somebody
Wilford: ok fine, just shut up and find the stupid doctor…..and take Mr. B with you.
Daniel: I’m not so sure that is a very good idea guys, he’s kind of unstable….
Katie, Leroy, and Wilford : GO!!!!!
Daniel: fine
Mr. B: We’re going to have a great time.
Daniel: whatever…..
[exit Daniel and Mr. B]
Leroy: so, what should we do with Helen Keller?
Helen Keller: FghGGADS?
Wilford: I think she wants to go with us.
Katie: we can’t just take her away from her own time. And besides, we are kind of stuck here aren’t we?
Leroy: yea…you’re right, how will we get back?
Helen Keller: Gunghfabaghssh
Wilford: hey guys…how do you punish Helen keller?
Leroy: rearrange the furniture!!!
All: HAHAHAHA
[The three continue to make jokes at the little girl’s expense when eventually Mr. B calmly walks back from the street. Daniel is nowhere to be found]

Mr. B: Glad to see you guys again
Wilford: where is Daniel??
Mr. B: in jail
Wilford: Why??
Mr. Barret: I bit a cop.
Leroy: Why?!?!?
Mr. B: He arrested Daniel.
Leroy: Why did he arrest Daniel?
Mr. B: I bit a cop
Leroy: Mr. B, that doesn’t make any sense.
[sirens begin to wail and the seem to be coming closer. Helen Keller begins to shake violently]
Helen Keller: NOAUFGGGGrahnZABAM!
Wilford: Yea I agree with her, lets get out of here.

[All of the sudden a bright flash interrupts everything and the portal sends them back to the present]
Scene 3

Helen Keller: Gufgrabatagaban!??!?!

Leroy: I don’t know hellen keller, im not sure what we will do.

Katie: Wait, are you all seriously understanding her? Its gibberish.

Leroy: Are you insane? She’s talking like a normal 5 year old girl.

Wilford: Yea. She pretty much is. Are you ok Katie?


Katie: No, Im fine I guess, but you are sure she’s talking normally? Because all I hear is Gibberish


Leroy: Ok…..well, what are we going to do with her? She can’t just stay with us.

Wilford: She will have to. It is the best thing to do.


Mr. B: That was a fun trip.


Leroy: Not for Daniel, he’s still back there.


Katie: What a shame……


Helen Keller: YUNKUTZBALLOSHABOOF!!!!!


Leroy: Helen wants to make us dinner.


Wilford: Yes, finally we have a cook around the house.


Katie: Are you guys serious? She just mumbled, she can’t cook, she’s five , not to mention deaf and blind.


Mr. B: Great, now you’re racist.


Scene 4


[The dinner table. Every one is sitting around eating. Helen has just served her meal.]


Leroy: mmmmm, this is spectacular Helen.


Helen Keller: Blafgaboofingeneaf;leja


Wilford: Yea I like the flavor as well Helen.


Katie: This isn’t a meal! It’s just baking soda and bits of broken glass in it. And I think the Chloroform is missing….

Mr. B: That was chloroform? I thought it was mouthwash.


Wilford: Time for some TV.


[As Wilford turns on the television, he notices a program being hosted by Celebrity John Stamos]

Wilford: hey guys, take a look at this. Its some sort of contest.


John Stamos: Welcome back to the Little Miss Nascar Driver contest. I’m John Stamos. You may know me from such programs as Full House……and……some other good shows. But anyways, the participants for this chance of a lifetime must be Exactly FIVE years old and must be able to speak fluently, and must be able to drive a race car. The winner will win one million Dollars.


Leroy: That’s it!!! We can use the money from the contest to pay for building a time machine so we can take Helen back to her own time.


Katie: That will never work. She can’t speak fluently, and she most definitely cannot drive a nascar.

Wilford Oh I think she’ll win alright. I think she’ll do just fine. Hehehehe


Helen Keller: Ungfgbloughgen


Leroy: Yea I think it will work too Helen.


Mr. B: Good, now we are a team. We’ll have to work together to accomplish this.


Wilford: yes, and your first mission as part of our team is to go outside and find the stash of gold I have hidden.

[Mr. B. runs out the door. Wilford proceeds to lock it]


Katie: Its 30 degrees outside. You know that right?

Wilford: yup


Helen Keller: rgggflagabafghdrun


Leroy: Yes, I agree, we need to start training for the big contest.


[They train for several hours.]




Scene 5



[The race. John stamos is sitting in his chair reading up on ebonics. As our heroes enter he stands up to greet them]


John Stamos: Good afternoon, how may I be of service?


Leroy: We wish to enter this girl here into the little miss nascar tournament.


John Stamos: She seems a little bit too old im afraid.


Katie: Not me, her.

John Stamos: Ohhhhh, I see. And what is your name?


Helen Keller: Gurrrrfffganabalfkaudal;ifjaaelajfhakhfalkbffroooooorfvfhadakueahklfjhakjehkafjd
hfkajhdfkahddddddkjhafkahkeuhakssssshfkahkaefhakefhkeuuuuueadyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuuaflsdhfald;ljkadlfhakljbkejbfaksdfinstlaihsliehlanflajl;eijhelifjalkjh
liboooooroafaoieheofaihlagrafaganaisstanbuljaliejalfihlaifelialkekisneienebbooogl
abogadnafhwwgads.


John Stamos: Nice to meet you Helen Keller. And do you think you can win?

Helen Keller: b;lakjf;ladjfaofi;elija;lijeiljrale;I


John Stamos: Good, im glad we have some eager competition.


Katie: you can understand her too? She’s blind and deaf!!!!!


John Stamos: What?!?! I can’t allow a blind and deaf girl into the tournament.
She could get hurt.



Leroy: What are we going to do now? How will we ever build our time machine?

John Stamos: A time machine you say? I have just the thing back at my laboratory.


Wilford: This day keeps getting weirder and weirder.


Scene 6

[John stamos’s laboratory]


Leroy: impressive.


John stamos: It would be better if I hadn’t wasted all of my earnings from full house building this place.

Helen Keller: ghflwagafaliej


Wilford: ok, so lets go get that time machine.


[Helen keller all of the sudden breaks the time machine]

Katie: Nooooo, how will we ever bring her back to the past?

John stamos: you are going to pay for that.

Wilford: come on Stamos, help a brother out.

John Stamos: Ok, you guys can crash here until everything works out.


All: yaaaaaayyyy!!!!


Helen Keller: gurfukninbluffagflai


Katie: why can’t I understand you?!?

John Stamos: you have to find the eye of the tiger.


Leroy: So why do you think Helen destroyed the time machine?


Daniel Maybe, Helen keller didn’t need sight, or hearing, or a time machine, or the ability to make words with her mouth, maybe what she needed all along were friends, and a loving family…..
Wilford: Where did you come from?


Leroy: Yea that’s pretty much the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.


Helen Keller: aglahjlieilauleijfa;lija;liej;laiejr


Katie: you said it!!!!



The end!!!!!!
0

#2 User is offline   z e w b Icon

  • Mini Boss
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Members
  • Posts: 120
  • Joined: 07-September 07
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 09 November 2007 - 12:04 PM

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You'd run away too if your name was NYRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
0

Page 1 of 1


Fast Reply

  • Decrease editor size
  • Increase editor size