[J m HofMarN]

By Edict of myself, Chris The Wizard, and Chris' sister the Lady of The Baton Ass Kicking, this film is declared the best movie ever made. Despite the innocent child friendly title, it has horrifying moments: A group of adventurers burrows deep underground in unholy caverns and digs up a coffin, freeing the ancient evil that lurks inside and then asking the being within, namely Sylvester Stallone, to play not one but four parts in their film. And if you think that's bad, the movie includes the concept of a savior figure known as "The Guy" and at one point a character utters the immortal words:

"So, I hear you're 'The Guy'..."

Then for the stunning climax, Antonio Banderas and a bunch of other people are revealed to be wearing rocket boots and blast off to battle this big mobile suit thing that is sort of in a video game but also in real life, somehow. Oh, and 'The Guy' actually does make an appearance. Thankfully its not Keanu Reeves. It's just some random actor who is on screen for less than a minute before being killed.

[Slade]

So are you going to review this movie, or is this all we get?

[J m HofMarN]

I don't know. I'm worried about the liability if my review of this film melts your fucking face.

[Slade]

I can take it. I get my face melted by electric guitar solos all the time. Bring it on.

[Jane Sherwood]

Unless I see a damn good review, I say "NAY" to you and your claims.

(*Resolute Serious Face complete with finger pointing*)

Nay.

[J m HofMarN]

You're right. Vampire Assassin might be a little bit better.

[Tek]

I can vouch, this movie was TERRIBLE!

[J m HofMarN]

I'm probably going to have to do a serious review of it, and you're definately right about that, Tek. I myself am a connoiseur of bad movies, so I know how to find the worst of them. We watched SK3D on the same day as Vampire Assassin and the new King Arthur and it beat the crap out of King Arthur.