[J m HofMarN]

Allright you layabouts! I've had enough of your do nothing attitudes! You lot think you can just bask in the glow of my razor sharp and well lit wit without giving anything in return? You're wrong, so wrong it might get you hit in the crotch with a salami.

Here's the deal. Next week is national hit a bear in the crotch with a salami week. You must all write a short story that involves a bear being hit in the crotch with a salami. Maybe your bear is a no nonsense politician out to clean up the country, but then Sirhan Sirhan hits him in the crotch with a salami. Or maybe your story is just about Durf Persimmon and his quest to protect bears from cruel salami hittings. Or maybe it's just the dialogue from that scene in Three Kings where the Iraqi is asking "What is the problem with Michael Jackson?" Only a bear gets hit in the crotch with a salami.

If you involve all these things you'll be officially a god.

NOW GET TO WORK!

***Also, please PM them to me or email me, I'll be posting them on the site rather than the forums.

[Lefty]

in case it helps you write, feel free to poke a bear with a stick

[SimeSublime]

A long time ago I told JM I'd do something. I never did it. I'm now rectifying that and completeing my promise in this project.

[Otal Nimrodi]

How long do I have?

[Gobbler]

Can we draw pictures to make up for our lack of writing skillz?

[J m HofMarN]

There is no deadline, and yes, please feel free to illustrate your story.

[civilian_number_two]

Hmn. Bear ... salami ... crotch ... and Fidel Castro. Ok, I have a picture in mind.

[Chyld]

If by "a short story that involves a bear being hit in the crotch with a salami" you mean "a medium length story about a guy who hears cocktail recipes", I'll have 2000-3000 words on your desk by next Friday. If you actually mean "a short story that involves a bear being hit in the crotch with a salami", expect a half-handed piece of gibberish at the last minute.

[J m HofMarN]

Civilian- If I had the power I would have you and your family and three chosen people you knew shot in full public view and paraded through the streets to be hung from a lamp post to feed the cro....

Ermm, I mean, thanks! Your contribution is valued!

Chyld- Couldn't you just merge the two ideas or put in something about a bear that gets hit in the crotch with a salami? It dosnt really have to be central to the plot, and you know very well that I enjoy a good half handed piece of gibberish. Maybe you could send in both.

[Gobbler]

Just name a drink "Bear-crotch hitter", for obvious reasons in regards to its taste.

[J m HofMarN]

Ok, Emu's entry is in and it's really quite good. It's more of an all inclusive story of everything to do with the fine art of bear salami crotching. It also involves one Durf Persimmon, who I think should be a recurring character. What say ye gentle sirs!?

[Gobbler]

I was going to draw a picture, until I noticed that I suck at drawing things and ended up drawing parts of a female body instead. Soreeee...

[Slade]

Guys/gals, please write your stories and send them to me in some way soon. I'd like to start posting them on Monday, but all I have is Emu's. Gobbler: As interesting as that would be, please don't draw a bear with boobs, even if it is getting his by a salami. It draws far far too close to furry-ness.

[Ninja Duck]

Whoa now. First JM says to PM them to him, and now Slade's saying he's in charge of bear-salami-anecdote collecting. First JM says there's no deadline, and now Slade's saying it's due on his desk my Monday.

Dude. Whoa.

[J m HofMarN]

Slade is trying to usurp power from me. Motherfucker was all "Hey come over here, Simba's in trouble" and then he threw me off a goddamn cliff. Listen to him so his hyenas won't eat you, but when I get out of this cast there will be some shit going down.

Also, Gobbler, draw the furry!