[Doctor X]

Reason #61
Anakin's Ineptitude
Jake Lloyd is a ten year old boy so I would feel bad if I made fun of him. I think he did a good job given the crap that he had to work with. However there are a few points in the movie where he delivers a rather lackluster performance. That's fine... that's why they have this thing called "Multiple Takes"! The one that sticks out more than any is the line: "Master, I've heard Master Yoda talking about midi-chlorians and I was wondering... what are midi-chlorians?"

Boy, I wish we could have seen Master Yoda droning on about the midi-chlorians. "Higher than mine, the boy's midi-chlorian count is. Shit that is little!"
As for this line sticking out most, four words: Are you an angel?

The line itself is written with the skill of a six year old and being delivered (with no fault to Jake Lloyd) poorly on top of this. Luckily Qui-Gon doesn't go into an agonizing description of the molecular and organic properties of midi-chlorians and how they help a Jedi use the force using the term "symbiont organisms" to illustrate his point. Oh wait, I was thinking of the Three Amigos. That didn't happen in the Three Amigos but it did happen in The Phantom Menace.

Once again, George's galloping senility and ideal 50's Americana dreamscape. "I think Qui-Gon should give a lesson like that snazzy Mr. Wizard fellow. He's Boss!" All that's missing is one of those chromed trailer-looking diners that serves milkshakes...oh, wait, that's in the next film, isn't it? Let's come back to this point later.


Reason #62
Senator Palpatine

I can relate to this point as well. Before going to see "Mission: Impossible," I was talking to a friend about how they could possibly do the film without Peter Graves in it, and came to one of two conclusions. Either he's been promoted to the voice on the tape that self-destructs in five seconds, or he's the bad guy, turning against the nation that he's served tirelessly for so many years with no more thanks than a crummy pension check and a little American flag to wave.
Although, in defense of the film, Jean Reno does a great performance as Jean Reno yet again.


Reason #63
"Yousa Qui-Gon Gonna Die?"
You know that Qui-Gon is going to die. He's practically a carbon copy of Obi-Wan from Episode IV. What makes it even more obvious is that he and Obi-Wan have this touching scene where Qui-Gon tells Obi-Wan how great a student he's been and how much he's learned, etc. Then Obi-Wan in turn tells Qui-Gon how much he means to him. I remember sitting in the theater thinking: "Okay, I know he's going to die now its just a matter of when. Hmmmmm. I wonder if it will involve Darth Maul and a lightsaber? Only time will tell." If they had left this pointless scene out then maybe Qui-Gon's death would have been a surprise if you were dumb... or under the age of eight.

If you're like me, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, you bought the soundtrack that was ever-so-wisely released about a month before the film. Right on the case, one of the tracks is listed as "Qui-Gon's Funeral." Think it's bad knowing this stuff in the theater, try knowing it while you're in line for the tickets.


Reason #64
"Meesa lika dis!"
Boss Nass agrees to form a military alliance with the Naboo because Queen Amidala says that she is not as good as a Gungan. Boy. I'm not sure what is dumber, Gungans or this plot device.

More agreement here, so let's talk about another issue while we're on the subject of Gungans. Exactly how and why do the Gungans and the Naboo form a symbiote circle? We can waste valuable screentime droning on about midi-chlorians, why not some explanation as to why it's so vital that these two races team up? A line about each one breathing out a chemical the other needs or something like that might have taken some of the grating edge off Jar Jar's presence. It's probably something like the Gungans eat the Naboobians' poo, but if I believe that Lucas would put something like that in the script, I'd have to believe that he'd put fart jokes in, too...um...I was going somewhere with this, originally, but I lost it. Let's move on.


Reason #65
General Binks
Because of Jar Jar's minimal involvement with the alliance between the Gungans and the Naboo he is made a General. What is it with George Lucas and this idea that anyone who does one minor thing is suddenly fit to lead troops into battle?

At last, something I can make a point for! The Rebellion, and basically, that's what we're seeing the seeds of in this film, is a NEW army. New armies need heroes to rally behind, and need them quickly. So, while I might not agree with the Rebellion's "Throw a rock at an AT-AT and you're a general" policy, I see the logic behind it.

Here's a thought: Why do they call themselves The Rebellion? Why not The Revolution? Look at history, if they lose, they're rebels, if they win, they're revolutionaries. It's like naming a boat "The Gonna Sink," or naming a sports team "The Guys Who're Going To Get Their Asses Kicked."

Reason #66
Mobile Holograms
While the Viceroy is walking around the captured palace of Naboo there is a hologram generator that is following him with a hologram transmission from Darth Sidious. It's walking around on legs! Legs! It's downright preposterous.

More of the Star Wars "Bigger is better" philosophy. Why have a cell-phone when you can have a spider-legged walking hologram projector?


Reasons #67 & #68
Binoculars and "Cease Fire"

Stems back to one of my early counterpoints about the droids being bought in bulk.

"How much to give da droids terescopic vision and individuah radio rinks?"

"2000 credits each."

"Too much. We'll just buy them some binocurars and make them yerr."


Reason #70
Barnstormer Anakin

Utter agreement here. After his fighter takes off, I just wanted to hear the Skipper say "You've done it again, Little Buddy!" and stirke up the music that plays when they show the shot of the island right before they go to black and the "Now this is a tale of our castaways" song.

[Despondent]

Qui-Gon's funeral. that's hilarious.

btw, were you ever bothered that Boss Nass and JJ look entirely different? Did they have different alien parents? aside from race, all Humans look pretty much alike. All fish are kinda the same. a fish and a human are both earthlings, so shouldn't gungans be naboobians?


(unless of course their undersea home is a ship that landed on Naboo in recent history, further voiding the circle of life neccesity.)

[Doctor X]

Somewhat, yeah. Maybe it's an age thing with the gungans.

Young gungan: Thoroughly irritating
Middle Age: Get that really big Fu Manchu stache.
Old: Bloat and get to make that "BRBRBRBRBRBR" sound.