My Commentary On The Episode I Reasons

I agree entirely with reasons 41-50, so I'll just touch on a couple and move on.

Reason #45
Jawas
Jawas appear sporadically throughout the Tattoine segments. They never say anything except the classic Jawa line: "Oonteenee!" I wonder if they are speaking Huttese or if they have their own language. Either way, their brains must be unusually small if their only expression seems to be: "Oonteenee!"

"Hey Jawa, you just won the lottery!"

"Oonteenee!"

"Hey Jawa, your mom just died!"

"Oonteenee!"

"Hey Jawa, you have a nice butt."

"Oonteenee!"

Oonteenee is obviously Jawa for "WEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Reason #50
Touching Scene
After Anakin stops being an idiot and figures out that never seeing his mother again means that he's never going to see his mother again, there is a touching mother and son scene that leads to a heartwrenching 24 second pouting sequence after which Anakin entirely forgets his mother ever existed.

He's hopefully still in pain from getting his chip removed. I'm sad that we didn't get to see THAT part. On a world as remote as Tatooine, you can bet that they're not going to waste anaesthetic on slaves.

He also ditches C-3P0 and is pretty much a total asshole about it, not being sad at all about stranding his "robot buddy" on Tatooine.

Good point. "You guys are irrelevant til the sequel. Bye."

*Reason #51
Darth Maul's Motorcycle
Make no mistake about it, Darth Maul drives a freakin' motorcycle! What's even better than that is that the first time he is seen by the Jedi is in a failed attempt to run Anakin over. Bellissimo!

Apart from the obvious "Shit, we've gone six minutes with no marketable toy potential! Give Darth Maul a cool vehicle of some kind!" reason for the motorcycle, I see this as more evidence of Lucas' fast-encroaching senility. Just a few minutes after the hot rod race, our big bad guy, a motorcycle punk with tattoos, shows up. It's obvious that George is no longer in our world and that his mind is somewhere in the idyllic 1950s that never were. In his world, Coca-Colas are still 5 cents, families are gathering around the Philco to watch Uncle Milty, Senator McCarthy's gonna give those Commies the business, and "Attack of the Clones" would make a great movie title.

Reason #52
"It."
After Qui-Gon's first run-in with Darth Maul Obi-Wan ask, "What was it?" Qui-Gon replies, "I think it was after the Queen." It? Darth Maul is clearly a man. I think that if the two Jedi struggled enough they could find a more appropriate pronoun to describe the Sith Lord. Sith Lords are people too! Jeers to the Jedi for this blatant disregard for political correctness.

Actually, in the cosmopolitan Star Wars galaxy, political correctness would work the opposite way. It was something in a hooded robe with a light saber. Could've been a really short wookie or anything else. Passing judgement and labeling it as human would be against the Jedi Code.

Reason #53
Kiddie Porn
On the trip to Coruscant there is a really uncomfortable scene between Padme (who is supposed to be 14 but is quite clearly more like 20) and Anakin (10). This may be a bit of karma for Natalie Portman's role in Beautiful Girls.

No arguement here, except this karmic repayment goes clear back to "Leon." Think about it: She's a 13-year old, coming on to a 40-year old man, five years later, she's got a 10-year old coming on to her. Reap what you sow, man. Reap what you sow.

Reason #54
Yarael Poof

Ok, I didn't know this character's name til you pointed it out. Now that I know it, I'm too busy laughing to argue about it. It's a damned good thing that Jedi are taken from their parents and sequestered to study the Jedi Code at an early age. Whatever this guy's race, a childhood in normal society spent with a name that can easily be mispronounced as "You Real Poof" and a talent for The Force would have produced a Sith Lord more effectively than playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City while listening to backwards Black Sabbath.

Reason #55
Yoda
With Yoda they used the same puppet that was used twenty years before. They also got the same puppeteer and voice actor to do his voice and movements. On top of this Yoda's lines were written by the same man. So why does he suck so much? The whole time Yoda is on screen it's like listening to someone do a bad Yoda impression! The grammar is messed up in all the wrong places and the puppet doesn't look nearly as good as it did in 1979.

All right, this is going to come up elsewhere, especially when we get to the next film. I've got no defense for bad puppetry, but the bad grammer bit, I can readily identify, having a father for whom English is a second language, yet he's been speaking it fluently for 60 years. The whole bit with the cane and the bad grammer is an act to disarm one's opponents. Make them think "I have nothing to fear from cute, lovable, furry old Grover here," then whip up with the little lightdagger. (Star Wars fanboy note here: I've heard that Frank Oz hates it when people ask if Yoda was SUPPOSED to sound like Grover.)

Reason #56
Prophecy of the One Who Will Bring Balance to the Force

Complete agreement here. What happened to "Difficult to say. Always in motion, is the future?"

Reason #57
The Senate

I don't think the Senate's flying bumper car things were that bad, but it would have been a nice point to throw in some more of that diversity that Lucas claimed to like when he wore a younger man's clothes. All these aliens, there've got to be some that breathe water or methane, they should have enclosed tanks on their bumper cars, and what about species that can fly on their own? Also, what the hell is the Trade Federation doing with a seat in the Senate? They're a special interest group, they should have lobbyists like any other evil corporation, not their own Senator. (Yes, I know, most special interest groups DO have their own Senator, but you know what I mean.)

Reason #58
No Confidence

Here, we've gotten into the devious political machinations of Palpatine. Putting forth the motion isn't enough to force a retirement, but it's enough to force a vote to force a retirement. But it's an extremely risky political move, especially if it gets voted down, so Palpatine needed someone without sin to cast the first stone. Enter Princess Poutsalot.

Reason #59
E. freakin' T.

This was probably another idea cooked up during one of Lucas and Spielberg's tent-outs in the back yard of the Skywalker Ranch. Spielberg's been throwing nods to Lucas for years (The hieroglyphs of R2D2 and C3P0 in Raiders, the Club Obi-Wan in Temple of Doom.) and Lucas was probably just waiting for an opportunity to slip something in.

By the way, I was going for a "they're little kids" metaphor there, but I realize after writing it that there's a "they're lovers" bent that one can take that statement with. Cigar's just a cigar in this case.

Reason #60
"Yousa thinken yousa people gonna die?"

Thus far, apart from the occasional stepping in poodoo, Tickle-Me-Jar-Jar hasn't given Amidala any real reason to hate him, so it's needed here. Welcome to the Universal Oneness of Hating Jar Jar, your highness.

QUOTE

Reason #60
"Yousa thinken yousa people gonna die?"

Thus far, apart from the occasional stepping in poodoo, Tickle-Me-Jar-Jar hasn't given Amidala any real reason to hate him, so it's needed here. Welcome to the Universal Oneness of Hating Jar Jar, your highness.

To be perferctly honest with you this scene is a highlight for Jar Jar. i t was one of the rare scenes were he wasn't 100% annoying. He comes across as sincere and actually very reallistic in his delivery of this speech. If he had more scenes like this style, his character could have been acceptable. Really look at that scene again and remove all your built in hatred of Jar-Jar. It is a scene that is one of the few one that is reminiscent of the OT. It had warmth.

What's the difference between Episodes I & II. Episode I had warmth. Episode II had none.

Warmth and a touch of humanity is what made ESB and ROTJ so endearing to me. It's also the reason why i can't stand some of the reduxes of ROTJ that people have concocted on this site.