Help me, someone. I'm stuck in Texas. Gulf Coastal Texas. Shitty, sweaty, oily, nasty, grimy Texas. There's no jobs, weather's horrible, it's always hot and humid, the water is terrible, and it always smells like burning oil. Everyone here is very stupid and shallow and I don't fit in at all. I have a plan to escape, but I need someone's help. Here's the plan:
At precisely 3:14 PM, I stand on the roof of the Alamo and wildly fire a series of emergency flares in the air. Barend, you will acquire a Hind D helicopter, swoop in whilst firing rockets at nearby buildings to create a diversion, then lower a rope ladder to me. Cobnat and David Kyo will rapple from the helicopter to the roof armed with MP5k PDW machine guns and will begin to fire rounds at the police while I climb the rope ladder to safety. David and Cobnat will then detonate the explosives strapped to their bodies as to disguise the entire incident as a terrorist attack perpetrated by Muslim extremists whilst I am flown to New York to spend the next few years working a steady corporate job, while publishing a humorous comic strip for the local newspaper. When I hit it big by publishing the funniest comic strip ever making me millions of dollars, I will get married and live the rest of my days out in the peaceful Midwest, raising 3 beautiful children: Mikey-Mike, Squeak, and Hooter.
Let's fucking do this.
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