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Star Wars Episode I: The Clone Wars SWIU Version

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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:16 PM

In a galaxy far far away…

STAR WARS
Episode I
The Clone Wars

(Opening Crawl)

As rumors of war grow, the Jedi Knights prepare for the worse. The Separatists have announced their creation of a clone army, their main leader being Admiral Thrask.

When a cargo ship carrying passengers and spacecraft supplies is destroyed by a Separatist Starfighter, the Clone Wars have officially began. Hundreds of the Republic’s own Starfighters launch from the main base on Coruscant.

Leading these Republic Starfighters against the Separatist ships surrounding the planet, is Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Apprentice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, who he himself is manning his own Starfighter.


Ext: Outer Space: Above Coruscant

Coruscant is surrounded by literally hundreds of black Starfighters that belong to the Separatist Alliance. They gloat in stillness outside the atmosphere of the planet, until only moments later, there are sounds of shots being fired, and a fleet of gray Starfighters zoom among the black. Immediately, every ship goes into top-speed action together, in loud burst and blasts from their ship’s blasters.

Inside the cockpit of a Republic Starfighter, a 21 year old male issues orders into his mouth piece.

Anakin Skywalker – Fly around them as fast as you can, and try not to let them stop your speed acceleration.

Voice from earpiece – Yes, General Skywalker.

Anakin’s Starfighter zooms into a mass of enemy ships, two of them blowing up, having attempted to turn and chase after him

As the ships maneuver around each other, and cannon bolts are exchanged, the inside of another cockpit is shown, and a middle-aged, bearded man is the pilot. Obi-Wan’s Starfighter flies further away from Coruscant, and deeper into space.

Voice of Anakin from earpiece – Are there more coming, Master?

Obi-Wan – I’m just stretching out our parameter. Follow me so we can better surround them.

The Starfighter battles goes on, more Separatist ships being destroyed than ships of the Republic.
Anakin’s ship follows Obi-Wan’s. Being followed by enemy ships, Anakin meets the edge of the parameter and spins around, shots penetrating empty space, blowing many of them into oblivion.

Anakin – Excellent! Was that good, Master?

Obi-Wan – Yes, very good. You have a few coming from behind! Pay attention!

Anakin does a arc spiral upwards, his pursuers becoming his prey. Speeding up behind them, he hones on the one in the far back with the center of his target screen. They suddenly scatter, going different directions.

Anakin – Which one is the leader?

Obi-Wan – He should have a smaller, more stealth driven ship.

Not too far away from Anakin, is such a ship and it has just shot down a Republic Starfighter. Doing strategic dips and rises, it spins itself around, coming straight towards another group of Rep. Ships. In a matter of a second, three of them are non-existent. Anakin speeds towards the leader’s Starfighter. It goes straight upwards, and then spins downwards as Anakin passes, dodging him.

Anakin slows down, pressing a few buttons on his pilot computer. Holding down one of the buttons, he sends a signal to the Separatist Starfighter Leader.

Anakin - Who are you? What is your name?

At first there is no answer, but a voice can be heard after a moment of waiting.

Voice – Srane. My master calls me Srane. That is all you are required to know, Skywalker.

The leader ship comes behind Anakin, firing at his left-top wing, darkening it into black charcoal. Anakin glares out his screen shield and zooms out of the way, doing a wide circular turn around his enemy… but he isn’t there anymore… the enemy leader’s ship had disappeared.

Obi-Wan – What’s the problem?

Anakin – Nothing Master. Just… nothing.

Obi-Wan – We’ve won! The Separatists Starfighters have all been gunned down!

Anakin smiles and flies beside his master, and they lead what remains of their Starfighter team, back to Coruscant.


Int: Day: Secret Jedi Council Dome

Obi-Wan and Anakin walk down a brown marble floor, their boots making knocking noises as they go. It is a small alcove, with dark metal walls. Little light floods in from the window near the ceiling, which is an approximate 9 foot high. At the end of the alcove, is a stone platform, four steps leading to the top. At the top of the platform, are oblong, cushioned chairs. In them are seated robed figures, their races are diverse, and their faces look pensive. The two Jedi walk up the steps, and to the middle of the platform. They draw their hoods back, revealing their heads, as they stand in front of the Jedi seated in the largest chair.

Master Plenn – Obi-Wan… and Skywalker.

The Jedi have smiles upon their faces, almost prideful from their victory in the battle.

Kodgedrim – You have done wonderful.

Master Plenn – Yes, the Jedi Council offers it’s gratitude. If the Republic had not cast the Jedi influence away from it’s power, it would probably have applauded you also.

Obi-Wan – But Plenn, to be honest, I did little. My apprentice is the real leader of this victory.

Anakin’s face goes red, and he looks at the ground of the platform.

Adroara – Right you are, Obi-Wan.

Master Plenn – Yes, well. You did well.

Anakin – Thank you all. I don’t want to get too over confident.

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchange glances, smiling slightly.

Master Plenn – There are matters of this war beyond this. We need future services from this team of two.

Obi-Wan – What is it that you speak of?

Master Plenn – The Senator of Alderaan has requested personal protection during this war… preferably from the Jedi themselves.

Kodgedrim – He is afraid for the fate of the planet Alderaan.

Anakin – Is this politician you speak of, named Senator Palpatine?

Master Plenn – Yes, of course. Anyway. Senator Palpatine has requested Jedi services. And being a Senator in the Galactic Republic, we cannot deny him.

Kodgedrim – You and your apprentice must go to Alderaan.

Master Plenn – A transport is waiting at dock 65.

Adroara – May the force be with you.


(End 1st/4)
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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:19 PM

Ext: Day / Int: Outer Space

A large passenger ship floats from a landing pad, turning around quickly, and pointing to the sky. It is evening in Coruscant, and as the ship takes off into space, many of the high buildings and ports of the city can be seen. Thousands of tiny windows light up against the black metal of the rises.
Inside of the ship, Obi-Wan and Anakin sit in a small cubicle of the dining quarters, a waitress droid buzzing around annoyingly, chattering with people; Obi-Wan sipping what looks like steaming hot tea, and Anakin eating a blue-colored wafer, a plate of them laying in the center of the table.

Anakin – Master, tell me of the Federation. Why exactly is it that the Republic frowns upon it?

Obi-Wan – The Federation is corrupt. The Republic has always at least tried to resent corruption.

Anakin – How is it corrupt? By banishing the Jedi?

Obi-Wan- The Federation funds both the Republic, and the Separatists… except that it has committed multiple accounts of inexcusable usury… ONLY to the Republic has it committed usury.

Anakin – Why not to the Separatists, also?

Obi-Wan – They have liberal leanings, although they pretend to be fully neutral. Its like favoring one of your children over the other.

Anakin – Oh. Now I understand.

Anakin looks away from his master.

Obi-Wan – Do not be nervous. There is really no need to be. The Senator will be thankful for our services. He’s a nice man, from what I hear.

Anakin – I am NOT nervous. Even if he was rude, I could tolerate him. (crunches down on a blue wafer) I deal with the Jedi Council . I’ve got it covered.

Obi-Wan – Anakin, that is really no way to talk about the other Jedi. They are critical of you, because they want you to learn proper manners.

Anakin – (puts two more wafers into his mouth, beginning to chew them) But I do have manners! Don’t you see?

Obi-Wan – (shakes head) Yeah, at the moment, your bursting with manners.

They begin laughing heartily.


Ext: Day: Alderaan

The ships lands outside a large Senate House. It is made of white stone and marble, waterfalls gushing from the sides of the walls, falling into a river that surrounds nearly half of the House. Behind the Senate House, are some cliffs that give into a dense, almost tropical, forest. Northwards (in front) of all this, there is a sharp hill going down, and at the bottom is a quiet village.

The Senate House has many windows, and pillars hold up the east-end. Statues of Senators long past, line the edge of the roof of the first floor. Small towers and rises come up from the three stories of the House.

Obi-Wan and his apprentice walk through the small door of the ship, being followed by other people, and a few droids.

Obi-Wan – Really is beautiful. More than I was expecting.

Anakin nods, as Obi-Wan pats him on the back gently.


Int: Day: S.H.

While walking through the Senate House, they talk:

Senator Palpatine – It is wonderful that you are here! I was thinking the council would send only one Jedi. But two! This is truly a blessing.

Obi-Wan – We are pleased to be of service, Senator. This is my apprentice, Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin and Palpatine shake hands.

Palpatine – A nice looking young man. Good to have you here, Anakin.

Anakin – We will try our best to carry out our duties to protect you.

Palpatine – In these troubled times, it’s only natural to want to keep living. Survival is a right given to all. Don’t you think so, Anakin?

Anakin – I guess so.

Obi-Wan – Now that the war has began, all governing bodies in the Galactic Senate need to be on an alert. Assassinations are common during times of war.


Int: Day: S.H.

They walk into a circular room; one side is an opening, looking out over much of the forests, waterfalls, and the village below. Palpatine takes a seat behind a large desk, smiling brightly. The Jedi take seats on the other side of the desk. An Astromech Droid (R4) rolls up next to Anakin.

Palpatine – Ah, yes. I bought this R4 droid here, to accompany you on this planet. It is… a gift, from the political parties of Alderaan, to both you Jedi, for your hospitable services.

Obi-Wan – Thank you, Senator.

Anakin – Yes. Much appreciated.

Palpatine – A few hours ago, I was at a Galactic Senate meeting. Very serious matters, is all they discussed. Did you know we are now seeking to destroy the Federation?

Obi-Wan – Literally, or politically?

Palpatine – In all ways. There have already been plans to destroy the Federation’s main base. There are only a few life forms inside at certain times… we want the least casualties. Hopefully, mostly droids will perish.

Obi-Wan – Is this plan underground? Not open to civilian citizens of the galaxy?

Palpatine – Yes, it would have to be. There would be accusations of corruptions against the Senate, and useless uprisings. This is a war! The Federation is our enemy. There is no other category we could put them under.

Obi-Wan – I’m assuming this was your idea?

Palpatine – Yes, originally it was. You would be interested to know that 98% of the Senate voted for the destruction of the Federation. Does this amaze even you, Anakin Skywalker?

Anakin – The evil of the Separatists runs deep. But, you stated earlier that life is a right granted to all… all encompasses good and evil.

Palpatine – Your apprentice is observant, Jedi Obi-Wan. You should be very pleased with him… I know I would be.

Obi-Wan nods, crossing his arms and looking at Anakin. After a moment, he looks back to Senator Palpatine. The Senator leans back in his chair, in deep thought.

Palpatine – We have news that the Federation has been mass-producing Battle and Destroyer Droids for our enemies. By the thousands! And… rumors have indeed been spreading… of an army of clones. Clonetroopers.

Obi-Wan – The Jedi have felt this growing enemy. Numerous times have they alerted the Republic, but have been denied. They dismiss it as an attempt to regain sympathy. We have sensed it for decades… which is how long it would take to make an army of clones, if my thinking is correct.

Palpatine – Indeed. That’s why many do not believe it. But we could never be for sure… because the last clonemaster, Thrask Malcsh, disappeared a few years ago. He escaped from the detention confinements on the planet Muunilinst.

The three of them sit silently, pondering these matters.

Footsteps are heard from the open doors of the Senator’s working quarters. The Jedi turn, and behold an attractive young lady, in her late teens, walking up to them. Anakin’s face turns red, and he looks back quickly, hiding his surprise.

Girl – Sir, I am done recording the financial data you assigned to me…

She stops short, looking at the Jedi. Her long dark-brown hair is combed back into a tail, and the glitter-makeup she wears, glitters from the sunlight flooding into the working quarters. Anakin looks at her, a bead of sweat protruding from his brow.

Anakin – Hi…

Palpatine – This beautiful young lady, is my student. She is currently being trained in Galactic Politics, in the Alderaanian Academy for New Scholars. Nera, these are my newly hired Jedi.

Nera – Greetings, Jedi. To be honest, I’ve never seen anyone who can use the force, until now.

Anakin stands, lending his hand for her to shake. She shakes his hand, and they smile to each other.

Obi-Wan clears his throat, also rising to his feet.

Int: Day: Corridor in S>H.

Anakin and Nera walk down a corridor together. She has been giving him a tour of the Senate House.

Anakin - So you’re devoting your whole life to promoting Palpatine’s political beliefs?

Nera – That is what the Senators think I should do. He’s one of the wisest people in this galaxy. That is only my opinion, though.

Anakin – He seems wise… and kind. A lot like you. I mean –

Nera – You think I am wise? With all do respect, we have just met, Skywalker.

Anakin - Don’t call me that. I’ll be staying here for a while, and I want to make new friends. What kind of a friendship would we have if you called me ‘Skywalker’?

Nera – Very well Anakin.

They walk onto a high balcony, overlooking much of the area around.

Nera – And here is the highest balcony in the Senate House. Now you’ve seen just about all there is to see.

Anakin leans against the stone railing of the balcony. His eyes absentmindedly roam over Nera’s body.

Nera sighs and leans against the railing.

Anakin – This scenery is beautiful.

Nera – I come here often, because it is.

Anakin – Do you come here alone? Usually no one on this balcony but you?

Nera – No… not all the time. Bail, or Ploc-Cray come with me sometimes. Bail Organa is a Senator of Alderaan alongside Palpatine. He has been a close friend of mine since I joined the academy; and Ploc-Cray is a fellow student. Senator Palpatine is training us both in politics.

Anakin – What about him?

Nera – He’s a close friend, also.

Anakin stands up straight. Nera remains leaning. He moves his hand in a quick motion, the stone railing crumbling under where Nera is. She falls from the balcony head first with a scream.

Anakin – NO!

He throws himself to the edge of the balcony, reaching over and catching her foot at the last moment.
Anakin pulls her back up unto the balcony. They sit together, Anakin taking Nera into his arms, and she clings to him tightly.

Anakin – It’ll be alright. You are shaking so badly.

Nera sobs lightly into Anakin’s shoulder, digging her fingers into his back. A look of great guilt suddenly flashes upon the face of Anakin.

Nera – I thought I was going to die. Stupid railing… shouldn’t have been leaning on it anyway.


(End 2nd/4)
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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:24 PM

Int: Archive Library: S.H. : Day

Inside a large archive library, a young man sits at a table, searching through something on a card-shaped computer. Palpatine walks behind the man and puts a hand on his shoulder. The man puts down the computer and stairs ahead. Palpatine walks around the table and sits down across the man.

Palpatine – The Jedi are here.

Ploc-Cray – Yes, I know. I have sensed them.

Palpatine – Contact the clonemaster.

Ploc-Cray – I already have. Admiral Thrask was pleased to hear his army was going to be put to good use.

Palpatine – (smiling) Good.


Int: Evening: Secret Jedi Council Dome

Kodgedrim sits meditating, floating above the ground in the center of the platform.

He sees images of an army, all dressed in white armor, their masks look menacing. All of them carry large blasters. They descend to the ground from soldier carrier ships, all of them belonging to the Separatists.

Kodgedrim finishes his vision, landing on the ground.


Int: S.H. Dining Area

Droids move around, serving food and drinks to the politicians, scholars, and workers sitting at the large tables. Nera, Ploc-Cray, Anakin, and Obi-Wan sit next to each other.

Ploc-Cray – So the Force surrounds all living things?

Obi-Wan – Yes, indeed. The Force comes from all living things. That is where it owes it’s existence.

Nera – Your explanations of the purpose of what Jedi do are very understandable. First hand experiences are always the best teachers, though. This evening, Anakin saved me from falling from the tallest balcony.

Obi-Wan looks at Anakin, a puzzling look on his face.

Anakin scowls and looks down at his food. Nera and Ploc-Cray do not seem to notice.

Nera – So Anakin, tell us what your childhood was like. It sounds as if you have only been with Obi-Wan for a few years.

Anakin – (looks up at her) You’re right. I was 17 when he came and took me in for training. I lived on Tatooine, learning to be a moister farmer. Not the life I wanted.

FLASHBACK: Ext: Tatooine: Day

Owen Lars – Don’t go!

Anakin – This man is a Jedi. I want to go with him… learn to battle with a lightsaber.

Owen – We’ll never meet again! I just know it.

Anakin is in his bedroom, packing his things. His friends Owen and Beru stand at his door.

Owen – You’ve lived with us for your whole life. And now your just letting it all go? I’m not going to let you!

He walks to Anakin, pushing him on his bed, holding him down. Beru comes to Owen and pulls him from Anakin.

Anakin – You cannot control my choices!

He gets to his feet, shoving Owen to the floor, Owen’s head hitting the hard-sand wall. Beru stands in shock.

Beru- Why?

Anakin – Because. I don’t want to dry up on this miserable excuse for a planet. I do not want to be a farmer.

Anakin takes his animal skin bag and leaves his bedroom.

END FLASHBACK

Int: S.H. : Dining Area

Nera – Do you miss your home planet at all?

Anakin – No. I hated it there. Back then, I would have given anything to be a Jedi. So I did – I’m still in the process of giving all that I have.

Ploc-Cray – You are on your way to fulfilling your dreams.

Anakin – Think so?

Ploc-Cray – Know so. There is nothing that can stand in your way.

Obi-Wan – That is not true. There are many things that could stop a person from becoming a Jedi. Say, for instance, the acceptance of anger, hate, or jealousy. Such emotions could cloud even the most knowledgeable mind, if the person is not careful enough.

The conversation ends, and they go back to eating.

Several moments pass. Nera put an arm on Anakin’s shoulder.

Nera – (whispering into his ear) Even if you feel those things, you’re still my hero.


Ext: Coruscant: Late Evening

There is a large open area, next to a high building that reaches up to the sky. In the open space below, hundreds of clonetroopers are lined up and assembled. A man dressed in a gray military uniform stands in front of the army. His voice echoes from the many mechanical formations around.

Admiral Thrask – MY ARMY! I have spent half my life waiting for you to mature into ideal soldiers. Now the time has come to unleash your power upon this planet! Upon the Jedi! Upon the Galactic Senate!


Int: Ext: Coruscant: Outside of the Secret Jedi Council Dome

Jedi stand three in a row, their lightsabers ignited. One of the Jedi leading them, walks past, making his way to the double-doors, using the force to open them. They swing outwards, and the city outside is seen through the portal. Already, blaster fire can be heard in the far distance. The Jedi begin marching out of the temple. Soon, they are making their way down a wide street. It is already deserted, the inhabitants having went into hiding from fear of the approaching invasion.

Suddenly, there is a load booming sound and then the ground below their feet shakes menacingly. A few Jedi fall to the ground, getting back up when the rumbling stops. A large cloud of dust rains over them, coming from all directions. Some cough and sputter, while others stand firm, pretending their vision hasn’t been obscured.
Kodgedrim, one of the Jedi in front of the others, raises his arm, swishing it to the left in a strange motion; the cloud of dust is lifted. In front of them in the street is the crumbled remains of a tall building, smoke rising from it’s many bowels. After this new discovery, marching can be heard. Thousands of feet marching towards the group of Jedi. It was a trap… they were blocked off and surrounded now. The Jedi turn around, and charge towards the army of clonetroopers, as the clonetroopers charge toward the Jedi.

The semi-silence of the ominous moments are over. Blaster shots emerge from everywhere, and the buzzing of lightsabers. Heads roll, and bodies fall, lifeless. The Jedi battle with great ability, maneuvering their lightsabers to the never-ending rhythm of enemy fire; seeking to destroy the clonetroopers, while covering each other’s backs. The two sides are seemingly equal in their power. Above, Republic X-Wing Starfighters fly in the direction of the army of clonetroopers towards the east, which have already began destroying the city. The battle goes above, as below. Smoke rises, and ships fall. Screams arise from those unfortunate enough to be dragged from their hiding places by trooper scouts. Even those citizens that have political leanings towards Separatism, are shot by blasters in the head and killed.

On a slope, sits a shadowy figure. Admiral Thrask gets off his speeder, chuckling to himself in contempt, as he watches his clonetroopers begin to overwhelm the Jedi.


Int: Alderaan: S.H.: Obi-Wan’s Sleeping Quarters: Night

Obi-Wan lays in bed, his eyes open. Visions of the battles in Coruscant flash through his mind, making him unable to even consider sleep. But Master Plenn had not called him back to help… his job was here on Alderaan, to protect the Senator. He sighs and tries to think of something pleasant.

FLASHBACK: Ext: Tatooine: Day

On a moisture farm on Tatooine, 17 year old Anakin stands, looking into the distance. Obi-Wan stands beside him.

Obi-Wan – Do you know what happened to your father and mother?

Anakin – No. They’re just dead. Dead people have no use. My parents can’t come back from the grave… if they were even buried, for that matter.

Obi-Wan – Now see? I would be like a father to you, if you became my apprentice. Here…

He unclips his lightsaber from his belt and hands it to the boy. Anakin takes it, and turns it on. The green blade emerges.

Obi-Wan – Your could make one of these. Hmm… what is your favorite color?

Anakin – Blue. Blue is my favorite color.

They stand for a while, Anakin tapping the sandy ground with the lightsaber blade, making it sizzle.

Obi-Wan – I would even let you do all the flying. There is a ship waiting for me in Mos Eisley.

Anakin – I’m one of the best pilots on this planet. Every few days I fly to Dantooine to pick up supplies. You saw me fly. When you landed in Mos Eisley, it was me that was flying nearest to you.

Obi-Wan – The force is strong with you… I need you, Anakin. You have so many good abilities and qualities that could be put to use for helping the galaxy.

Anakin turns off the lightsaber and hands it back to the Jedi.

Anakin – Very well. Let me go get my things.

END FLASHBACK

Ext: Outside of S.H.: Night

The stars shine above, the sky is clear of clouds. Anakin and Nera walk hand-in-hand down the stone steps in front of the Senator House. When reaching the last step, they sit down on it.

Nera – Why did you want me to come out here?

Anakin – (shrugs) I felt like going outside with you. Do you want to go back in?

Nera – No… I never said that.

She leans on him, and he puts his arm around her.

Nera – I owe you my life. I’m sorry there is no way for me to repay you.

Anakin – There is… there are ways to repay a life saved. Just let me continue to save it.

Nera – What do you mean?

Anakin – I want you to like me, Nera. Already, even the moment I looked in your eyes, I have fallen into a deep passion for you.

Nera – We do not know each other that well. And… are Jedi supposed to have lovers?

Anakin doesn’t answer, but looks puts a finger under her chin, lifting her face towards his.

Nera – No…

Anakin’s lips go to Nera’s, and he forces a kiss upon her, his arms holding her against him. She gasps into his mouth, and pulls away.

Anakin – WHAT?

Nera – I thought you were more of a man that that, Skywalker.

She holds back sudden tears, getting up from the step.

Nera – I never thought the first man to save my life, would also be the first man to violate me.

She walks up the steps back to the S.H.

Anakin sits by himself, looking at the ground. Shame and resentment for himself, fill his soul. After a short time, someone calls Anakin’s name from above. Anakin looks, and Obi-Wan is standing at his window. He motions for Anakin to come see him.

(End 3rd/4)
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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:28 PM

Int: Obi-Wan’s Sleeping Quarters: Night

Anakin stands at attention, a look of anger upon his face. Obi-Wan walks around Anakin as he talks, his arms crossed, his face grim.

Obi-Wan – First, you endanger her life, by making the railing crumble under her… to make her think you are a hero. Then… you kiss her, when you know for a fact she did not want to be kissed. Explain yourself, apprentice.

Anakin takes a deep breath, his fists clenched.

Anakin – I was planning on confessing my lie. And… I did it, because Nera stirs feeling within me. I didn’t know you were watching from the window. Do you know what it is like to love, Master?

Obi-Wan – What you feel is an infatuation from her being attractive. Anakin… (sighs) reckless behavior such as this could hurt the reputation of the Jedi. I don’t want to see even more of that.

Anakin – I’m sorry, Master. I promise it will not happen again.

Obi-Wan – You’re right. Because we have just been contacted by the Jedi Council.

Anakin – Is it about the attack on Coruscant?

Obi-Wan – Most likely. R4 isn’t done fully processing it yet. I do know that we will probably have to leave.

R4 rolls up to them, bleeping, the light shining from his sensory icon.

Anakin – He seems to be done. R4, what is the message?

A hologram emerges from R4’s visual distributor. The hologram is of Master Plenn.

Plenn – The Jedi Council Dome has been destroyed. Half the Jedi are caught fighting in the invasion of Coruscant, and the other half… I am part of the latter division… are in the Senate Rotunda. Thousands of innocent lives are being taken… and still are. We have sent two X-Wing fighters to you. We need you to go to Coruscant and help stop the invasion.

The hologram disappears and R4 beeps sympathetically.

Obi-Wan – Go with Anakin, R4. Help him as much as you can. He will need it.

R4 beeps his agreement and gratitude.

Obi-Wan looks at Anakin.

Anakin – I’ll fight my best, Master.

Obi-Wan – Anakin. I want you to know that I am glad to have you as my apprentice. Even though you do make mistakes.

Anakin – An apprentice could not ask for a better master than you.

Obi-Wan – Now, I must go tell the Senator of this dire matter, and explain why we must leave.


Anakin flies from Alderaan on an X-Wing, it’s wings not yet stretched out to four. R4 is connected on the top.


Ext: Coruscant: Almost Morning

The skies of Coruscant are dark and foggy, from the mass amount of smoke. Clonetrooper carrier ships land often, dropping off 300 troopers each, on every landing. The remaining Jedi that fought are now scattered over the planet. Most of them hide in darkness, until cargo ships land, and then they go forth and fight… alone.


Int: S.H.: Night

Obi-Wan walks with Senator Palpatine, an impatient tune to his steps.

Obi-Wan – Time is running out. Half the Jedi are in the Senate Rotunda, discussing matters with the governing bodies of the galaxy.

Palpatine – I’m sure the Separatist army has destroyed the Rotunda by now. That message could have been hours old by the time it was sent to our receivers… not to mention the time it took for us to download it into the astromech droid.

Obi-Wan – What are you getting at?

Palpatine – The Jedi are probably all fighting now. And lets be honest… they are hopelessly outnumbered. There are so few of you these days… some think Jedi are just a myth.

Ploc-Cray walks beside them.

Ploc-Cray – Yes. The Jedi are probably mostly dead now. Too bad, really. You have my sympathy, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi-Wan – You’re ignorant! The Jedi know how to fight. I cannot believe your sudden… pessimism.

Palpatine – No need to lecture. Pessimism won’t last long. Once the planet of Myrkr is cleaned of it’s clone factories, the Republic can begin mobilizing all of it’s soldiers. ALL of them.

The Jedi stops walking, glaring questionably at the two politicians.

Obi-Wan – You have found the clonemaster’s factories?

Ploc-Cray – Yes. We have. (smiles) I helped in the process. But we think he has other settlements.

Obi-Wan leaves, making his way to the docking bay, where his ship is waiting.


Int: Senate Rotunda: Coruscant: Morning

The Senate Rotunda is tall, and reaches to the sky. Wide at the top, and more narrow at the bottom. Big enough to fit hundreds of beings. Floating at the sides of the walls, are nicely designed capsules, for politicians to stand. At the moment, the Rotunda only has a few Senators in it. They yell at each other, creating constant arguments and profanities. The Jedi, having forces their way in, stand at one side of the Rotunda.

Master Plenn speaks to General Rexzc, coordinator of Section’s militia.

Rexzc – Yes, Master Jedi. We have posted all of our soldiers around the Rotunda.

Master Plenn – Good. That should last for a little while.

Master Plenn motions to the other Jedi, and the all draw their lightsabers. Their blades ignite, getting the attention of the Galactic Senate. They are turned off and put away.

Master Plenn – Fellow people of the Galactic Republic! We are under a crises! A war began very suddenly, and we are left with nothing but confusion. That is why, I ask that you pay close attention to my orders. Under the surface of this planet, are secret tunnels, meant for hiding important governing bodies during times just like these. I hope that you all feel obligated to follow us, the Jedi, to these tunnels. There, you will be safe from the battles going on above. Do I hear approval?

There results are unfortunate. No one agrees to go into hiding, fearing the Jedi will lead them into a deadly trap. Insults and hatred are yelled towards the Jedi, but when the lightsabers are turned on once more, everything goes quiet.

Delduru – We must now begin the transition to hiding.

A laugh can be heard from one of the capsules. Many turn to see who it is. A robed figure draws back his hood. He has a sunken, pale face, and white wispy hair.

Admiral Thrask – I am the Admiral Thrask. An Admiral of the Separatist movement… thank you for telling me of the underground tunnels. They shall be very useful to my clone army.

There is a bang at the bottom of the Rotunda. Clonetroopers march through the door, blasters in hand. All the Senators are taken into custody, and flew off in a cargo ship. The Jedi fight off and kill many of the invading clonetroopers; after so long, Thrask draws the troopers back out.

A ship flies over the Rotunda, and fires several missiles into it. It explodes and crumbles. The Jedi escape narrowly, a few of them dieing. They run out into battles that are near, to find their fellows that are lost, and to fight for the Republic that hates them.


Ext: Skies of Coruscant: Late Morning

Anakin flies over Coruscant, sad and distraught. There seems to be nothing left to fight, and seems to be no one around to help, if there was a fight.

Anakin – R4. It is just a wasteland, now. Everything is destroyed for miles around.

Dead bodies can often be seen when flying overhead. Or body parts, lightsabers, and clonetrooper masks.

He lands his X-Wing Starfighter and gets out, helping R4 from his holding compartment. Anakin makes his way down to a few large piles of rubble and debris.

Anakin – A Jedi is near, R4. I can feel him.

R4 beeps his understanding, and follows close behind Anakin.

Soon, moaning can be heard. Anakin stops and digs through a pile of scrap metal, and soon drags out someone buried underneath. It is Kodgedrim. His tentacles have all been severed off, and his chest is torn open.

Kodgedrim – Anakin… we fought the best we could. A few hours ago, before I was like this… I received word from another Jedi. She said that many of the Senators were taken by Thrask the Clonemaster… to Myrkr. That is where Thrask’s cloning factory is.

Anakin – What about the other Jedi?

Kodgedrim – They… well… most the ones I carried out into battle have perished. I’m sure the others that are alive, are still fighting the clones… on the other side of this planet.

Anakin hold’s Kodgedrim’s head on his left hand, his right hand over Kodgedrim’s chest. He uses the force to keep the other Jedi’s heart beating.

Kodgedrim – Go. Go to the other side of this planet. Gather as many Jedi and Republic Soldiers as you can… take them… to Myrkr. Invade the factory… save the Senators.

Anakin nods, giving great effort into keeping him alive.

Kodgedrim – Let me be. IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO KEEP LIVING… LET ME—

Anakin withdraws the force, Kodgedrim’s body going limp, and his head lulling on his neck.

Anakin gets up, R4 beeping sounds of sadness, his domed top moving right to left, as if looking for an answer to the destruction all around.


Ext: Alderaan: Day

On Alderaan, Bail Organa (32 yrs. old), and Nera walk down a path in the forest around the Senate House.

Bail Organa – I’m sure he meant no harm. He is a nice man. Just made a mistake is all. Anakin thought what he wanted, was what you wanted also. Common mistake, really. Though, I am sorry your first kiss happened in such a matter. Do you feel dislike towards him now?

Nera – No… I mean, yes, much dislike. But I cannot get him away from my thoughts. The kiss… was disturbing. Bail, I’m guilty of lust, and my dreams are guilty of fulfilling my fantasies of this Jedi apprentice.

They sit down on a stone bench with intricate designs carved into it.

Nera – Many apologies, Bail. Politicians do not discuss physical perversions.

Bail – You’re too hard on yourself. You need to learn how to follow your heart through all things. Nera… you are beautiful in every aspect. Do not let sadness dull your true feelings, and the beauty that is within. Look, I am the Senator of Alderaan, with Palpatine. My life is busy, and I have no time for these follies of youth; and soon, you will not either, Nera. Enjoy your youth and simple life as much as you can.

Nera – So you want me to pursue Anakin in this matter?

Bail – If that is what you feel you should do.


Int: Docking Bay of S.H.: Day

Obi-Wan approaches his X-Wing, his robes drawn around him, his head bent against the wind blowing in through the portal leading from the docking bay.

Voice – Where are you going? How rude to dash away in the middle of a meeting!

Obi-Wan turns. There stands a sleek figure in black robes, his face covered by a strangely eerie mask.

Obi-Wan – Who are you?

Srane – I am called Darth Srane by my master, who is the Sith lord.

Obi-Wan – The Sith are extinct…

Srane – Surely you have been lied to. For one is standing right in front of you.

Darth Srane raises his right hand in the air, his lightsaber flying from his belt and into his hand, the bright red blade igniting. Obi-Wan takes out his lightsaber also. Seconds later, red blade meets the blue, and the duel begins.

(End 4th/4th)
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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:32 PM

Ext: Myrkr: Outside of Clone Factory: Day

A Republic attack gunship flies over a large factory domicile. 15 more Rep. Gunships fly into view, followed by countless X-Wing Starfighters.

Smoke bellows from the machines built into it’s eight sides. Suddenly, a shot is fired from the factory to the leading gunship. A clonetrooper sits stationed at a post on the top of the factory. Many other posts are manned, and begin fire upon the intruding enemies above.

The gunships land 75 meters from the factory, in an array of blaster shots from both sides. Rep. Soldiers depart from the gunships, numbering somewhere in the hundreds. From the factory comes an equally numbered army of clonetroopers. The two sides charge at each other, bodies dropping to the ground even before the great clash takes place.

The X-Wings above swarm around, doing their own battles with the clone gunners. Constant blasts, booms, and yells erupt over the area.

Anakin steps out of the leading Rep. Attack gunship. What is left of the Jedi follow him to the battlefield. The clash has now occurred, the clone army mixing with the Republic’s army. The Jedi run into the heat of the battle, their lightsabers in hand.

Anakin dashes through the masses, deflecting blaster bolts. Making his way to a clonetrooper, he does a spin, chopping the clone’s blaster in half. He brings his lightsaber back in the other direction, taking off the clone’s head.

Master Plenn runs up to a line of clonetroopers, flipping forward, and to the side, he dodges the enemies’ shots. He closes his eyes when landing, as if in deep concentration. Plenn draws his hand inwards, and then thrusts it out, sending the line of clonetroopers into the air; they land, dieing on impact with the ground.

Other Jedi fight just as greatly, taking down one or more clones at a time with every attack. The blades of their lightsabers seem to light up the battlefield, even though the sun shines down on them all.

Rep. Soldiers use their blasters to attack the clonetroopers. Though, none of them are as swift at killing than the Jedi. Soldiers are constantly being shot down, seemingly overwhelmed by the enemy.

Anakin’s lightsaber comes down on the chest of another clonetrooper. He stops and wipes his brow, sweat glistening on his face. Abut the force is flowing through him, and he has no desire to stop fighting. Looking up, Anakin sees that the factory has now unleashed it’s own Starfighters upon the Rep. X-Wings. Anakin raises his left hand, concentrating upon an enemy Starfighter that is hundreds of feet in the air. It zooms around, already having shot down an X-Wing. Closing his eyes, and clenching his fist, the Starfighter freezes in midair, as if a giant hand has gripped it. Anakin swings his arm down. The Starfighter plummets to the ground, exploding into pieces when it hits.

Anakin opens his eyes, panting from the effective effort he had made. Then, he screams out, having been suddenly shot in the back by enemy fire. Falling to his knees, he wenches at the sheering pain running through his whole body.


Int: Myrkr: Clone Factory: Day

The Rep. Soldiers burst into the clone factory. Inside, there are many elevators, all of them leading down. The factory is clean, and the lights inside are bright. Lining the walls are columns of capsules, stacked on top of one another. Inside each one is a clone, sleeping and unaware of it’s surroundings. Anakin follows his fellow fighters inside. He walks to one of the capsules, looking at the clone inside. Plenn comes up to Anakin. Gasping, Plenn stares into the capsule.

Master Plenn – Admiral Thrask used himself as the original specimen!


Int: Docking Bay of S.H.: Day

The blades of Obi-Wan and Darth Srane clash against each other with loud sizzles. Obi-Wan swings towards Srane’s legs. Srane does a leap in the air, the blade missing him; as it finishes it’s side arc, he lands on his feet again, stabbing out towards the Jedi. Obi-Wan spins around, moving backwards, dodging the attack.

The lightsaber carries on for a few more moments. Srane backs to the side, pausing.

Srane – By holding you off in this fight, there is one less Jedi to help the Republic’s soldiers.

Obi-Wan – That is of little concern at the moment. There are enough Jedi to help.

Srane – Do you know the meaning of discipline, Jedi?

Red force lightning descends from the Sith’s lightsaber, finding it’s way into Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan yells out in pain, lunging forward, striking at Darth Srane, in an attempt to stop the flow of the force lightning. The Jedi’s lightsaber hits Srane’s, and the duel goes back into motion.

The wind blows their robes out and around their bodies, giving the effect that they are wearing capes.


Int: Myrkr: Clone Factory: Day

Anakin leads five soldiers around a lower level of the factory, the rest of the army having split up to look for the clonemaster. The walls rise up high, stacked with capsule after capsule. A small computer is in the center of the room. Anakin walks to it. His mid-section has been bandaged, and he hunches over slightly from the wound on his back.

The soldiers stand guard at the door, as Anakin sits down at the control computer. He presses many buttons, and flips many switches. Determined and set to his work, Anakin tries to crack the codes for the clone factory.

Shots come from the other side of the door. Anakin jumps up. The soldiers are dead on the floor, and several battledroids stand at the portal.

#1 Captain B-Droid – Jedi: Follow us or we shall be forced to shoot you down.

Anakin follows.



Ext: Myrkr: Outside of Clone Factory: Day

The remaining Rep. Soldiers have been taken from the factory, and put into a tight circle on the battlefield, surrounded by battle droids, all aiming at them. The rest of the Jedi who came to the planet, stand in the circle also. A line of droids part, and Admiral Thrask walks to the small group.

Master Plenn – We have discovered these clones, are copies of you. You really are egotistical, Thrask.

Thrask – Yes, these clones are younger versions of me, when I was in my prime.

A (generic) Jedi – Let us go, or we have no choice but to fight back.

Thrask – Surrender, and swear allegiance to the Union of Separatist Revolutionists.

A (generic) Rep. Soldier – What is this you speak of?

Master Plenn – Is that what you call your lot, now?

The clonemaster glares at Plenn; he cracks his knuckles and walks around the group, seemingly impatient.

Thrask – You were idiotic to land your X-Wings so close to the area. They have all been destroyed. There is no way for you to leave this planet. You may have defeated my first wave of clones, but I still have the upper-hand! ¾ of Coruscant has been destroyed! And the Senators I captured have all been executed!

Master Plenn – The Republic is still strong! It has settlements all over the galaxy!

Thrask – Surrender, or die.

There is silence. The battle droids stand as still as status, ready for the order to fire.


Int: Docking Bay of S.H.: Day

The lightsaber duel comes to it’s climactic point. Obi-Wan has already taken a deep slice to the leg.

Outside of the docking bay, Bail Organa and Nera walk past, bent against the harsh wind. A small door into the Senate House is near. But the sounds of buzzing and sputters draw their attention. Bail Organa looks at the empty X-Wing, and then walks inside the docking bay, Nera at his side. They stop dead in their tracks, at the sight of the two force-users.

Bail – Obi-Wan!

Obi-Wan locks blades with Srane, and turns quickly, spotting the two.

Obi-Wan – Bail, go get help! Srane stops, surprised at the new arrivals.

Nera looks at Bail’s belt, and sees that he has a blaster. She pulls it from it’s case, and aims it at the Sith, firing it.
Because of Srane being taken completely unaware, and the quick reaction of Nera, the shot found it’s target.

Darth Srane’s lightsaber switches off when he drops it, and he falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. Obi-Wan swings his lightsaber at Srane’s neck. Srane ducks down, and sends a force push at the Jedi, sending him slamming against the wall of the docking bay.

Bail and Nera run to help Obi-Wan. When he is back on his feet, they turn back around… but Srane has disappeared.


Ext: Myrkr: Outside of Clone Factory: Day

R4 beeps and rolls up to Anakin. Anakin puts a calm hand on the R4 unit.

Master Plenn – You will have to kill us.

Thrask nods, a smile spreading across his lips. There is a slight shuffle among the droids.

Thrask – DROIDS! Ready! Aim! –

BOOM!

A missile is dropped on the clone factory, sending sharp bits of metal into the air. A Republic Attack Gunship flies over the circle of droids and captive warriors. The droids scatter in all directions, as the gunship partially lands. The Jedi and Rep. Soldiers jump on the opened ship in haste.

Thrask – SHOOT THEM DOWN!

The battle droids open fire upon the gunship. Several soldiers are shot, and fall off the rising gunship as it beings to lift back up into the air. The Jedi do their best to deflect all the shots, but one of the Jedi takes a shot to the throat, and falls to the battlefield below. Soon, the gunship is closed up, and it blasts off into space.


Int: Inside Republic Attack Gunship: Outer Space

Anakin sits down on the metal bench attached to the walls of the inside of the gunship.

The others are seated on the bench also.

Obi-Wan co-pilots the ship with Bail Organa.

Nera comes from a corner and walks to Anakin.

They look into each other’s eyes.

Nera – You’re injured… are you alright?

Anakin – The injury to my soul has caused me the most pain.

She approaches slowly, and takes a seat next to him.

Nera – I’ve never been more scared in my life, when I heard from your master that you went to Myrkr.

Their bodies are close, their arms reaching around one another, without them consciously knowing.

Anakin – What I did to you was wrong. Since that moment you walked back up the stairs, the guilt has been ripping away at me.

A tear runs down Nera’s cheek, and she buries her face in Anakin’s shoulder.

Nera – Forgiven.

Some of the soldiers and Jedi near, glance awkwardly at the two, but seem to pay little mind.


Int: Palpatine’s Working Quarters: Day on Alderaan

Bail Organa, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine stand at the window, looking out at the forests and rivers below.

Obi-Wan – The R4 droid sent a distress signal to my X-Wing, while in the clone factory.

Bail – How many Jedi are left?

Obi-Wan – Only a few, now.

Palpatine – I am dearly sorry to hear this, Obi-Wan.

Bail – The clone factory hasn’t been destroyed, it is still very much in working order.

Obi-Wan – At least you and I were able to damage it slightly.

Moments pass

Palpatine – What of Anakin, your apprentice?

Obi-Wan – He fought heroically. It would be an insult if I continued to call him my student… he is his own person now. There is nothing more for me to teach him.

Obi-Wan looks down, his own words breaking his heart.

Obi-Wan – Master Plenn has set him a few hours ago. Anakin is a Jedi Knight now.


Int: Coruscant: Public Lodging: Day

Many refugees of all races and species gather inside the public lodging. Jedi move about the crowds, healing the injured, and handing out rations.

Master Plenn stands outside, taking a small break from his labors. He looks out over the wreckage in the distance.

Plenn – (speaking to himself) At least this part of the planet was left untouched… So… the Sith have returned. Yes. The Jedi have sensed it for years… But what now? How can the Jedi help, when there are so few of us left? The Republic will still resent us, even after assisting it in fighting against the clones.


Ext: Myrkr: Outside of Clone Factory: Day

Admiral Thrask stands on top of the tallest machine, giving orders to the armies gathered below. They march by thousands, now, into the Trooper-Carrier Ships floating nearby.

…an army of battle droids.
…an army of destroyer droids.
… an army of clones.

(END)

Star Wars
Episode I
The Clone Wars

This post has been edited by Carlos 9: 08 May 2005 - 09:47 AM

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Posted 01 May 2005 - 02:54 PM

INT: Interior (when the setting takes place inside)
EXT: Exterior (when the setting take place outside)

Alright. I spent about 6 1/2 days writing this script treatment for the alternative prequel trilogy. The rest of the days were spent resting, and taking a break from my writing. Then, I typed it on the computer, (started about 12 hours ago. finished half, went to sleep, got up, finished second half, edited, etc.)

STIUS - 'Star' Trilogy Is Us (Version of the Alternative Prequel, since, I will have to make changes, later on, when I find that things need to be changed, and afterwards it will have a different version name. The last version of them, I plan to put: SWIUS version. StarWarsIsUs)

Why /4th? I thougth I could fit it all into 4 posts. Apparently not. Took me five. I compromised by replacing the fraction part of the fifth post with just (Ending), so as not to totally confuse people.

Before everyone starts hounding me about the presence of a Jedi Council in my prequel, I need to give you a history of the story. It's an explanation of the Jedi council that would not have fit very well in the story.

Master Plenn Shefaruss, was a Jedi, who began sensing the powers of the Sith in the galaxy, the same moment the Sith came back. Therefore, he gathered some Jedi, and made a very small council. The council in my story consists of only about 18 Jedi, including Obi-Wan. Later, when the invasion of Coruscant happens, alot of the Council dies, in which there is only 4 of the original council members left. That is apparently not enough, so the Jedi Council is no-more after the first installment in the prequel. NOTE: He is titled 'Master' because he started the Council.

Here are some explanations of characters I created:

Plenn Shefaruss - Explanation above. I will note that he is a key character in the next two installments.

Adroara - Female Jedi. Lime-green lightsaber. Humanoid. I created her to fill in some space during the first Council scene, so the reader wouldn't get the impression that Plenn was the only one of importance.

Kodgedrim - Male Jedi. Orange Lightsaber. I made him look alot like Kit-Fisto from the AOTC. There is mension of Anakin seeing his 'tentacles severed off'. I urge you to research Kit Fisto if you are ever on StarWars.com. He's a character that I found relatively interesting.

Delduru - Female Jedi. Blue Lightsaber. Exact same reason I made Adroara.

Admiral Thrask - The CloneMaster. I wanted to be fully original on the cloning speciman, so he did not use a bounty hunter for the clones. He used himself, which Anakin and Master Plenn discover when breaking into the clone factory on the planet Myrkr.

Nera - I made her greatly different from Padme, as far as personality and political rank goes. I bashed her down to being merely a Politician Student, studying under Palpatine. In TCW, she is about 18. It's interesting to note, that I worked my ass off on trying not to move Anakin's and Nera's relationship along too fast. You'll notice near the end when Anakin apologizes to Nera, they don't end up kissing. Only Nera buries her face in his shoulder, which I thought was a good road-block on not making it seem rushed as in AOTC.

Ploc-Cray - Student alongside Nera. He will play a very important role later on.




Enjoy. thumbsup.gif
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 08:43 AM

Umm, bit much there. I'm finding it quit intimidating, to be honest. I'll read it when I have time, which isn't now. Just posting to let you know that I'm not ignoring it.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 12:03 PM

Good to hear. Sorry I made it long. Its about.. 8600 + words. I looked at the Revenge of the Sith script from simplyscripts.com it was 30,000 + words. I think the next one I make, will be a bit shorter. Sorry, again.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 04:54 PM

Its not that its too long overall but you could do with publishing it in smaller chunks to make it a bit easier to digest. If you wanted to do that (I think its a good idea) you can ask a mod to get rid of all these posts and then you can just start posting smaller chapters after that.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 05:06 PM

I'll consider that. If I decide to, which I probably will, I'll ask Chef Elf to delete them. I'll have to do another session of editing though, to make it more 'chapter' friendly.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 07:08 PM

It is rather different - Is it a script treatment or a script?

It is very fast - though that might just be from its compressedness...
I can see you're trying to develop at a great rate so you aren't in the Lucas boat of having to put everything in the third episode.

Good work though. Some refinement of the writing style and dialogue might be in order... also the fact that you put up your casting before makes it easier to get a picture of it in your head.
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Posted 03 May 2005 - 03:59 AM

QUOTE
As rumors of war grow, the Jedi Knights prepare for the worse. The Separatists have announced their creation of a clone army, their main leader being Admiral Thrask.


We're all familiar with the prequels thus far, but if you're imagining a new audience with this, I think this opening crawl is just too confusing. You could imagine a reaction of "Who are the Jedi? Who are the separatists? whats going on?"

I think "As rumors of war grew" is fine, but its kind of the same gripe I have with Mnesymone's re-write- I always think its important to show things as they were in their prime, then show the deterioration. but maybe thats just me!
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Posted 03 May 2005 - 08:15 AM

""""It is very fast - though that might just be from its compressedness...
I can see you're trying to develop at a great rate so you aren't in the Lucas boat of having to put everything in the third episode.
Good work though. Some refinement of the writing style and dialogue might be in order... also the fact that you put up your casting before makes it easier to get a picture of it in your head. """"

Yes, I did make it fast. The MAIN reason was not to bore people with common knowledge that need not be. And it needed to be a little fast, just for the sake of the effect of war and battle.

I decided to use some PT characters, and was prompted to change them, but decided it was useless. I have NOTHING wrong with the actors in the PT. Except for maybe the guy who played Qui-Gon Jinn. I think Hayden Christenson is mature in real life. Just because GL made them act like idiots, doesn't mean they are. This is somewhat giving them another 'chance.' And for another thing, I didn't use Nataly Portman, just for the fact that she didn't fit the part in any way.

""I always think its important to show things as they were in their prime, then show the deterioration. but maybe thats just me! ""

You put 'grew' and I put 'grow'. This present tense should be changed. But it isn't really a grammar mistake if I leave it... just your point of view. I don't know. It would be hard for the story if I put Jedi in the beginning instead of X-Wing Fighters.
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#14 User is offline   jariten Icon

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Posted 03 May 2005 - 02:48 PM

ok so I confused the tenses, but that wasn't my main point. Your opening crawl is far too confusing. i'll say it again- who are the Jedi? who are the seperatists? what are they disgruntled with? why? whats going on? you seem to miss out 10 steps somewhere.
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#15 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 03 May 2005 - 06:34 PM

sad.gif Am I supposed to describe what a Jedi is in the opening crawl? Alright. I'll change it. I'll post the 'alternative opening crawl' here on this thread, perhaps tomorrow morning. BTW. Almost done with my next one, Jaritan. biggrin.gif There will be a whole new installment up 2-morrow afternoon.
SecretShadow (SuperShadow's main adversary)

Endor Holocaust
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