Chefelf.com Night Life: Sneezing - Chefelf.com Night Life

Jump to content

  • (2 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2

Sneezing Wednesday, August 16, 2006

#1 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

  • LittleHorse Fan
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 4,528
  • Joined: 30-October 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New York, NY
  • Country:United States

Posted 16 August 2006 - 07:18 PM

I'm sick of sneezing. Don't get me wrong, I love to let out a nice sneeze here and there if necessary, I just can't stand the pressure placed upon us all by the whole act. Let's quickly get this over with by going through some of the pressures that have been building up in me all summer.

The Aborted Sneeze

The other day I was at the barber shop (the one at the bus station, I love the stylist there) when, all of a sudden, I felt a sneeze coming on. I quickly pulled away from the barber's sharp scissors for a second, startling the hell out of him, before the sneeze was aborted. Then, given the fact that we speak two different languages (he speaks some sort of primitive bus station dialect that I can't quite pick out) I had to raise my finger to my nose like some sort of cartoon character.

The Sneeze Jokesters

Then there are those jerks you meet (usually they are only acquaintances at best, more often just strangers) who will 'bless' you after one sneeze, then again after a second and then after the third say, "Okay, no more for you!" The 'joke' is not always the same but the 'laughs' are. Usually since this person is a stranger you feel obliged to at least give them a courtesy chuckle.

The Sneeze Thespians

The worst is the people who milk their sneezes for all they're worth with a grand, "AHHH... AHHHH... AHHHHHHH... CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" These people, again usually strangers in public, are the worst kind of people. If you are at home among family and friends then do what you must. The people in public (most usually, in my case, on the subway) who feel the need to make a giant presentation about a simple sneeze are just annoying. They flail their body around and take giant breaths of air beforehand. They usually conclude the whole production with an exaggerated sigh of relief, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Get over yourself. No one cares about your sneezes. Or you.

The Protocol Dilemma

Then there is the whole personal choice you have to make when some sneezes. Do you say: "God bless you?" I feel goofy doing that given the fact that I'm not religious and I also don't subscribe to the belief that the soul leaves the body when you sneeze. There's, "Bless you," which is what I normally opt to say even though the 'God' is more or less implied. Then there's 'Gesundheit' which I will also use about forty percent of the time but I always feel odd saying it since I'm not German. Since 'Gesundheit' is merely a wish for good health it usually feels the most appropriate. A friend of mine told me a story about how she offered a 'Gesundheit' to a co-worker who had just sneezed in the cubicle or desk beside her. The co-worker actually had the audacity to say, "You know, I'd prefer to be blessed."

The worst thing a human being can do in the event of a sneeze taking place is to say nothing at all. This is why the dilemma previously mentioned is of little consequence in the long run. Not acknowledging a sneeze, to me, is impossible. I can't even fathom how some people can do it. The same way I can't understand how a human being can just toss garbage on the ground when they're done with it, I can't even begin to understand how you can hear someone sneeze and say nothing. It fascinates me. Even knowing that the whole situation is just ludicrous, it's mind-boggling to me to comprehend how someone can just ignore the whole thing.

Even if that is what makes the most sense.
See Chefelf in a Movie! -> The People vs. George Lucas

Buy the New LittleHorse CD, Strangers in the Valley!
CD Baby | iTunes | LittleHorse - Flight of the Bumblebee Video

Chefelf on: Twitter | friendfeed | Jaiku | Bitstrips | Muxtape | Mento | MySpace | Flickr | YouTube | LibraryThing
0

#2 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

  • Giantness of Heart
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Former Members
  • Posts: 6,220
  • Joined: 22-December 05
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 16 August 2006 - 07:58 PM

Predictably: I hear people do that all the time on the street and buses. Most sneeze and don't say anything to the person next to them. If I am about to sneeze I walk away to a quiet space or I say "pardon me" or "sorry about that" after.

I know this might sound a bit strange but what sneeze would you call pulling hairs out of the nose with pliers or shoving tissue up it?

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 16 August 2006 - 07:59 PM

0

#3 User is offline   Emu Icon

  • the internets
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,544
  • Joined: 15-November 03
  • Location:Massachusetts Tool & Die
  • Interests:fire, typing random things; getting guys drunk and getting them to do my Spanish homework for me; time travel; exploding things.
  • Country:United States

Posted 16 August 2006 - 08:44 PM

yeah, it's funny how we say things when people sneeze, but not when they cough, or hiccough, or any number of other random things.

deepsycher - pliers? why??? blink.gif
Head Gunner for the Royal Sloop Crimson Steel, Queen of the Dead, Instigator of Chaos and Confusion, Knight of the Grand Recursive Order of the Lambda Calculus, and also The Non.

Remember Emu's face, people; one day it's going to be on the news alongside a headline about blowing some landmark to smithereens, and then we can all sigh and say, "She was such a normal person".....
....We'd be lying though.
-Laughlyn

If my doctor tells me to exercise, I am going to force him to do my homework.
-Mirithorn

- Do Not Use the Elevators - deviantART - Infinite Monkeys -
0

#4 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

  • Giantness of Heart
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Former Members
  • Posts: 6,220
  • Joined: 22-December 05
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 16 August 2006 - 09:12 PM

Pliers are the next closest thing I have to tweezers. Just to pull out an annoying tickly hair that kept on growing in the same space which made me sneeze for minutes.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 16 August 2006 - 09:23 PM

0

#5 User is offline   Zewb Icon

  • Level Boss
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Former Members
  • Posts: 299
  • Joined: 04-August 05
  • Location:Texas
  • Interests:Things and stuff.
  • Country:United States

Posted 16 August 2006 - 10:15 PM

I hate people that say "Bless you" after you sneeze, and then become angry when you don't thank them for it.

I'm all for doing away the whole "Bless you" nonsense all together. It all spawned from some ridiculous superstition from the Dark Ages, can we just abandon it already? It's your body trying to clear away an irritant in your sinuses, not Satan casting an evil spell up your nose.

Sorry, but a sneeze doesn't make me feel concerned for your well being. Now, if you sneezed out some really chunky blood, then I'd say something. But it would have to be really chunky.

This post has been edited by Zewb: 16 August 2006 - 10:18 PM

"It's gettin' to be re-goddamn-diculous. If you guys don't start thinking as men, we're gonna have a lousy country."

-John Wayne
0

#6 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

  • Monkey Proof
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Moderators
  • Posts: 6,619
  • Joined: 06-May 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Perth, Western Australia
  • Country:Australia

Posted 16 August 2006 - 11:19 PM

I'm interested in this bus station dialect. How does it work?

As for sneezes, I don't say anything. I think I used to when I was younger, but I don't usually bother. Doesn't seem to be a point. When I sneeze and somebody says bless you, I actually get caught off guard and sort of stammer out a thank you as an afterthought.
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
0

#7 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

  • Canada's Next Top Model.
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Head Moderator
  • Posts: 3,382
  • Joined: 01-November 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:In Your Dreams
  • Interests:I like stuff.
  • Country:Canada

Posted 17 August 2006 - 01:37 AM

I not only don't react at all when someone else sneezes, I don't thank them when they bless me. I don't react at all. I don't understand why we are supposed to act like sneezing is some holy event, while we're angry when a person farts. They're both simple physical acts, and yes, they're both avoidable. In fact, from now on, when someone sneezes I'm going to say "Go to the bathroom!" and when they fart I will say "Bless You."
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
0

#8 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

  • Pimpin'
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Moderators
  • Posts: 2,876
  • Joined: 27-September 05
  • Gender:Female
  • Country:United States

Posted 17 August 2006 - 03:02 AM

My brother's almost nine years old and he only learned a couple of weeks ago that it's actually "Bless you" or "God bless you" and not "bleshoo." He said he never understood why you were supposed to say that to people, he just heard everyone else say it and so it became habit, like how people always tell everyone to say "cheese" to the camera. There's no real reason for it other than that's what people have always done. And around here, that's pretty much what gets said: Bleshoo. Drives me up a wall. People could at least enunciate. rolleyes.gif
I am writing about Jm in my signature because apparently it's an effective method of ignoring him.
0

#9 User is offline   Kirby Icon

  • Zzzz
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,543
  • Joined: 06-September 04
  • Location:Sucked into the gravity of barend's post count
  • Interests:Geeking out and nerding it up.
  • Country:United States

Posted 17 August 2006 - 04:57 AM

When having a conversation with someone who sneezes, especially if they're a multiple sneezer, I just say "You ok?" then move on with the conversation.

I also do what DS does, just turn my head away and apologize/'excuse me'.
The Power of Christ Impales You!
- Tagline for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

You've read it, you can't un-read it. Stay tooned for more
TALES OF INTEREST.
I like to be part of the crowd so I want to say that Icey is the best guy ever
0

#10 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

  • God damn it, Nappa.
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,560
  • Joined: 26-December 05
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Three octaves down to your left.
  • Interests:Thermonuclear warfare and other pleasantries.
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 17 August 2006 - 06:09 AM

I rather like "Gesundheit", what with me being a Kraut. It's very polite. Quite easy to pronounce for me, but I can understand that some people don't like it for historical reasons. And maybe because they're having problems with it's pronounciation. And maybe because they're twats. Anyways.

I also do what Dee & Kirby do, even though the "new and improved code of behaviour" here is more and more trying to tell you that you should feel as guilty as a serial killer for sneezing. Then you should apologize and hope that everyone in the room shows mercy and forgives you without saying anything else. Showing mercy is not encouraged by "new and improved code of behaviour", by the way.

You sneeze, say "excuse me" whilst building your gallows and nobody says "Gesundheit". Boody impolite, if you ask me. It all sounds a little bit too hypocritical.

This post has been edited by Gobbler: 17 August 2006 - 06:12 AM

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
0

#11 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

  • Giantness of Heart
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Former Members
  • Posts: 6,220
  • Joined: 22-December 05
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 17 August 2006 - 10:22 AM

"Yo there I am a convicted criminal and arsonist, I beg forgiveness. Can you bless me to the lord?"
"No! Certainly not!"
Sneeze
"Bless you!"


Could this happen?

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 17 August 2006 - 10:24 AM

0

#12 User is offline   Slade Icon

  • Full of Bombs and/or Keys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Head Moderator
  • Posts: 8,626
  • Joined: 30-November 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Columbia, SC
  • Interests:I like stuff.
  • Country:United States

Posted 17 August 2006 - 02:41 PM

Hehehe. I'll bet it could! tongue.gif

I usually say either "salud" or "salve", the Spanish and Latin equivalents of "good health" respectively.
This space for rent. Inquire within.
0

#13 User is offline   Cobnat Icon

  • Viva Phillippena Radio!
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 2,631
  • Joined: 25-December 05
  • Location:I am in atheist heaven.
  • Interests:Body Disposal.
  • Country:Australia

Posted 17 August 2006 - 07:19 PM

Hm... I remember that during year 9 in high school there was a bunch of cockmongers that went are the school sneezing on people then saying "sorry".
0

#14 User is offline   SeanJ1 Icon

  • New Cop
  • Group: Junior Members
  • Posts: 14
  • Joined: 11-April 04
  • Location:USofA baby! Newton, MA to be more specfic.
  • Country:United States

Posted 18 August 2006 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE
The Sneeze Jokesters

Then there are those jerks you meet (usually they are only acquaintances at best, more often just strangers) who will 'bless' you after one sneeze, then again after a second and then after the third say, "Okay, no more for you!" The 'joke' is not always the same but the 'laughs' are. Usually since this person is a stranger you feel obliged to at least give them a courtesy chuckle.


I'm one of those jerks. But mine goes "OK now you're just looking for attention". Then I run out of the room laughing like a mad man.

OR

I'll say "Are you sick?"
Sneezer replies, "No why to you ask?"
Me: "Well you're sneezing a lot. Are you contagious?"
Sneezer: "I'm not sick"
Me: "Its obvious you're sick, why are you putting on a brave front? Is it terminal?"
Sneezer: "What are you talking about, I'm not sick!" (They move closer to me to make sure I hear'em)
Me: "Get away from me, I don't want what you have! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!"
Then I run out of the room like a mad man.

OR

My favorite is to just run out of the room if I don't know the person. It's even more fun if it's in public screaming germs, germs!

This post has been edited by SeanJ1: 18 August 2006 - 02:29 PM

0

#15 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

  • LittleHorse Fan
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 4,528
  • Joined: 30-October 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New York, NY
  • Country:United States

Posted 19 August 2006 - 09:33 AM

I think my favorite response may be my former roommate who, when someone would sneeze multiple times, would shout, "Cut the shit!"
See Chefelf in a Movie! -> The People vs. George Lucas

Buy the New LittleHorse CD, Strangers in the Valley!
CD Baby | iTunes | LittleHorse - Flight of the Bumblebee Video

Chefelf on: Twitter | friendfeed | Jaiku | Bitstrips | Muxtape | Mento | MySpace | Flickr | YouTube | LibraryThing
0

  • (2 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2


Fast Reply

  • Decrease editor size
  • Increase editor size