[Zewb]

Well, I was sitting in English III the other day, trying to keep from falling asleep. My eyes began to wander about the room. There were all sorts of little motivational posters and all that sort of corporate malarchy that always seems to line the walls of most classrooms. But there was one thing that bothered me. I noticed a little plague on the wall that read, and I quote, "God danced the day you were born."

Now, this really got me to thinking. Does my English teacher believe that God just starts dancing every time someone goes into labor? What kind of dance does he do? Waltz? Ballroom? Flamanco? Breakdancing? I could go on about the types of dances, but that's not really relevant.

I thought about how many people are born every year. I heard somewhere that, on average, every 10 seconds a child is born. So, every ten seconds, God will dance. Now, an average dance of joy usually lasts about 8-10 seconds. Any shorter than that then it's not dancing, it's just a short, violent twitch.

Anyway, from all this information, I can only assume that God does absolutely nothing but dance. That's it. He's just dancing around perpetually, hoping that everyone will stop getting knocked up so he could rest for a bit.

So, if you have ever wondered why your prayers haven't been answered, this is the reason. God's too busy dancing for all your stupid kids. Maybe if you'd stop fucking so much, God could take a breather and get around to sending you that Spyrograph you kept asking him for back in 4th grade.

[Slade]

This is a hilarious and delightful image and musing to make.