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Suggested changes to the OT For the next Special Editions...

#1 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 08 May 2006 - 12:11 PM

So, when Lucas releases his next set of Super Special Final Ultimate I-Really-Really-Mean-It-This-Time Editions, what kind of changes do you think he should include? Personally I've come to the conclusion that he should simply go the whole hog and rewrite the entire trilogy so that it actually fits in with the PT. If we can't have good movies, we may as well have consistent ones.

So, here are my suggestions for PT-compatible rewrites of OT scenes:

ANH
QUOTE
LUKE: No, my father didn't fight in the wars. He was a navigator on a spice freighter.

BEN: That's what your uncle told you. I've no idea why, as he barely knew your father at all. Certainly not well enough to know what his ideals were, or whether he should have stayed here instead of following me on some damned-fool idealistic crusade... not that I ever actually went on any damned-fool idealistic crusades, of course.

RotJ
QUOTE
BEN: When I first saw the results of your father's blood test, I was amazed how high his Midichlorian count was. Even so, I didn't really want to train him - I thought he was dangerous. I only did it because my idiot of a Master made me promise on his deathbed. So, you see, none of it was really my fault at all.

QUOTE
LUKE: Leia... do you remember your mother? Your real mother?

LEIA: Not in the slightest. She died thirty seconds after I was born.

LUKE (disappointed): Oh.

Any more suggestions? wink.gif
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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#2 User is offline   Little Nippatiz Icon

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Posted 08 May 2006 - 01:25 PM

ANH

Ben: "Before we, rescue the princess, which is actually the adopted daughter of a senator I knew, we should swing past this little known water planet I found that was erased from all star charts. They where, and probably still are making clones there. That would cut down on the enlistment of stormtroopers to the empire if I were to go back and say- 'stop it'.
Not the brightest bulbs in the star system since they thought I was someone else who ordered the clones in the first place. But darn good poison dart makers."

also

ROJ

Luke: " Let me see if I got this right....To keep us safe, You split me and my twin sister Leia up and she get's the royalty treatment on wonderful Alderran, while for 18 years I'm stuck with a grump uncle, collecting moisture on a boring desert planet where my dad grew up on and everyone remembers him for winning pod races, and you didn't even change my name?? What the F ?!!!!!"
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Posted 08 May 2006 - 01:38 PM

Hahahah!!! Good one, guys!! Especially that last one, Nippatiz

"Why couldn't I have been the one to go Alderaan?" LOL!!!
Flying Ferret

Battle for the Galaxy--read the "other Star Wars"

All I know is I haven't seen the real prequels yet.
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#4 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 09 May 2006 - 02:17 AM

LUKE: "What do you remember about your mother, i mean your real mother."

LIEAH: "she was beatiful, and sad... like she just got force choked by someone close to her and dumped... she was a pretty sweaty woman too, exhausted looking... like she she just gave birth."

ROTJ

OBIWAN's GHOST: "...and that is why you must face vader."
LUKE: "hmmm... alright then."
OBIWAN: "good luck and..."
LUKE: "i know i know... may the force be with me."
OBIWAN: "No... actually i was goin to say, watch out for that emporer... he can shoot electricity from his fingers... so whatever you do don't throw you r lightsabre down!"
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#5 User is offline   HK 47 Icon

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Posted 09 May 2006 - 02:47 AM

Great thread Helena!

Obi Wan: "Vader helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights, well the defenseless, helpless younglings anyway..."

--------------------------

An aging Jar Jar makes a short yet crucial appearance in episode 4...

"Yousa all clear kiddo! Now let's super bomba this thingie and go home!"
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#6 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 09 May 2006 - 08:39 AM

QUOTE (HK 47 @ May 9 2006, 08:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Obi Wan: "Vader helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights, well the defenseless, helpless younglings anyway..."

Ah yes, I forgot about that one:
QUOTE
BEN: A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. Well... when I say 'hunt down', I mean 'walk into the Jedi Temple in the Republic's capital city and kill everyone he found there'. Including the children.

A couple more from ESB:
QUOTE
BEN: Luke...Luke.

LUKE: (weakly) Ben?

BEN: You will go to the Dagobah system.

LUKE: Dagobah system?

BEN: There you will learn from Yoda, a random Jedi who wasn't actually my Master, but gave me a bit of training once when I was a little kid.

QUOTE
LUKE: Is the dark side stronger?

YODA: Yes. Out of balance, the Force is. The Chosen One, Vader is, who Balance to the Force will bring. Persuade him to kill the Emperor, you must. Very, very important, this is!

QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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#7 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 09 May 2006 - 07:50 PM

ROTJ

YODA: (dying) "Luke, one more thing..."
LUKE: "yes master?"
YODA: "Say hi to chewbacca"
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#8 User is offline   KurganX Icon

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Posted 09 May 2006 - 08:06 PM

OR, alternate version of Yoda's last words:

QUOTE
YODA: Goodbye... Chewbacca. Miss you, I will.
LUKE: NOOOOooooOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!


Much bad acting in him, like his father...*
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Posted 10 May 2006 - 12:36 AM

I think Princess Leia should have a dick. They could easily CGI a bulge onto that metal bikini. That way the ruination of the OT would be complete. Complete with dick.
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#10 User is offline   diligent_d Icon

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Posted 10 May 2006 - 01:01 AM

Love to see the gushers defend that one...
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Posted 10 May 2006 - 01:10 AM

ESB

QUOTE
Obi-Wham!: Only a fully trained Jedi-knight, who has bonded with the force will defeat Vader and his master...
Luke: Uh~huh...
Obi: If you stop your training now, if you choose the fast way - like Vader once did - uhh... I mean... where was I?
Luke: Something about Vader not completing his training.
Obi: Oh yeah. Forget about that load of bull, my pills don't seem to work this time of the year. Anyway, did I tell you how I cut his shit off... ?

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
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Posted 10 May 2006 - 08:04 AM

QUOTE (barend @ May 9 2006, 08:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ROTJ

YODA: (dying) "Luke, one more thing..."
LUKE: "yes master?"
YODA: "Say hi to chewbacca"


laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
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#13 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 10 May 2006 - 09:49 PM

ANH

HAN: 5000
LUKE: 5000? we can hire our own ship for that much.
HAN: but who'se going to fly it? You?
LUKE: You bet I could, I'm not such a bad pilot myself you know, we don't don't have to sit here and listen this,...
HAN: who do you think you are, kid?
LUKE: the names Skywalker! And don't you for-
HAN: Skywalker? As in '62 intergalactice Pod Race GP championship on Mos Eistley winner Anikan Skyw-
OBIWAN: TWO MILLION CREDITS!!! we'll pay two million credits

This post has been edited by barend: 10 May 2006 - 09:50 PM

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#14 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 11 May 2006 - 07:10 AM

biggrin.gif That's something that never occurred to me, actually. If Anakin was the only human ever to win a pod-race (at the age of nine, no less!), wouldn't you have thought the name 'Skywalker' would be pretty famous on Tatooine?
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#15 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 11 May 2006 - 09:24 AM

I guess they were all jealous of him. Mean meatbags.

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
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