[Zewb]

Funerals. Let's face it, they're downright depressing. I don't know if it's the gloomy decor, the weeping relatives, or the dead guy in the box, but there's just something about it that really puts you in a downtrought mood. So, being the whimsical guy that I am, I'm going to put some ideas out there to lighten the mood:


Right when you walk in, say 'Jesus Christ, did something die in here?!"

Bring beer.

Dress up as the Grim Reaper.

Put one of those silly eyeglasses with the rubber nose and the bushy eyebrows on the corpse's face.

If someone says, "He looks so natural," answer with, "He was always like this? Wow, your sex life must've been pretty unpleasant."

If someone is weeping while looking at the corpse, put your hand on their shoulder and say, "Look on the bright side; he could've been sucked into a jet engine, or something."

Mention aloud that the corpse's fly is down, even if it's not.

If someone touches the corpse emotionally, say, "Eww!"

If someone hands you a hankerchief, blow your nose obnoxiously, then offer it to the person next to you.

When it's your turn to toss a flower into the casket, instead, put the flower between the corpse's teeth. Then put a sombrero on his head.

Trade ties with the corpse. See if anyone notices.

Near the end of the viewing, confront the undertaker and say, "Hey, this time don't forget to close the lid."

While you're riding in the hearse, insist that the driver stop for at McDonalds.

If they do a 21 gun salute, pretend you've been shot.

When they are lowering the casket into the grave, hum the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey.

On the way home, say "Well, that was fun. Anyone for tennis?"

[Revan-47]

Absolutely horrible, except the pretending to be shot one, and 2001 space odessey.

[Sailor Abbey]

If someone is weeping while looking at the corpse, put your hand on their shoulder and say, "Look on the bright side; he could've been sucked into a jet engine, or something."

Thats the greatest!

Funerals should be fun. My family always throws a big party afterwards. We all get wasted and sing songs and eat great food.

[Cobnat]

If they do a 21 gun salute, pretend you've been shot.

This is genius... I cant wait until the next causalty list comes from Iraq (I know this is in bad taste).

Funerals should be fun. My family always throws a big party afterwards. We all get wasted and sing songs and eat great food.

That almost makes me want to be a Mid-West American... almost...

[Sailor Abbey]

This is genius... I cant wait until the next causalty list comes from Iraq (I know this is in bad taste).
That almost makes me want to be a Mid-West American... almost...

Its more of an Irish tradition as opposed to mid-west American.

[Mirithorn]

All I got was relatives coming out of my ears, wanting to hug me and talk to me and taking over the entire house, including my room and the bathrooms until I ran away from the house. Getting rid of the relatives for one would be a huge step in the right direction.

When there's more than fifty people in one house, that's a bad sign.

[Cobnat]

Its more of an Irish tradition as opposed to mid-west American.

Oh, so you have Irish Ancestors, that makes a lot of sense now.

[Jane Sherwood]

What ever happened to funeral pyres? Or floating someone out over a lake or something, then setting them on fire? Everytime I see those in movies or read about them, I keep thinking, "That is just awesome! Why can't people do that anymore?"

[Sailor Abbey]

I'd like to have a funeral pyre myself, but I doubt it’ll happen. I also wouldnt mind getting my own personal cairn somewhere out on the back property, but I guess thats illegal too. I'll settle for a nice cremation I suppose, that way at least my ashes can be spread around the place that I love most in the world. I think that might also be illegal, but the authorities dont really seem to care.

... except when that guy ran out onto the field during that football game and spread his moms ashes all over. HAHHAHAHA - that was great!

[Zewb]

I want my body to be wrapped in assorted fireworks, magnesium, and a remote control explosive surgically placed within my ribs. Then, wait until nightfall, then set me on fire and throw me off of a cliff.

Result:

My body becomes a blindingly-white burning spectacle while flying off a cliff, with colorful fireworks shooting off in every direction, until I am finally smashed into the ground, then the final explosive is detonated and I am blown into a million pieces.

I think most people would remember that.

[Gobbler]

If they survive the detonation.

[Sailor Abbey]

I think most people would remember that.

Meh. Thatd be fairly forgetable.

[vpresrufus]

i wanna be cremated, then i want someone to put my ashes in somebodys pizza while there not looking. Not even death will stop me being a cunt.

[CJ Marren]

I want somebody to take my ashes and throw them in a small cholds eyes, thus making sure that at least one person at my funeral will be crying.

[Cobnat]

When I die, I want a thousand man gun salute... damnit!
I want the sky to rain with bullets

This post has been edited by Cobnat: 05 June 2006 - 08:05 PM